[Screenager]

So Monday will be my first session after my T's vacation - and after my embarrassing "I need you so much and have no idea to make it through the time without you and I'm always jealous of the other clients and your boyfriend" e-mail (I feel worst about the boyfriend part.) And even though she already briefly responded and assured me that everything's okay, I feel terrible and once again have no idea how to act around her. I just want to disappear into the floor, basically. I wish I could just cancel, but that wouldn't feel right either. UGH. I cringe at the memory of that e-mail, at the thought of having to look her in the eyes. I'm nervous, scared, uncomfortable.

[rainbow8]

I know it's awkward and embarrassing but you'll get through your session on Monday. I know you will. If you want pocket riders, I'll come!

Its ok you will make it. Thinking about ya!

[GoodPoint]

I have experienced the "first time seeing T since sending a SUPER embarrassing email" thing many times. I've sent many cringe-worthy emails in moments of desperation that I later wished I could have unsent. And I always was so afraid to see my T after sending them... but I lived through all of those times, and never was it as horrible as I imagined (not even close). I think the anticipation is the worst... I really think you'll feel better after seeing her. Maybe not right away, but in the long-run. She's probably just so happy you are being honest about your feelings.

Good luck on Monday.

[pbutton]

I have also done the "OMG EMBARRASING EMAIL I DON'T WANNA GO" thing. Worrying about it was much much worse than the actual visit.

Hang in there.

I have sent my T many an embarrassing email, but things between us haven't changed - at least not in a negative way. I think being honest, addressing these issues, shows how much you trust your T and want to work through these things.

[FourRedheads]

If you want pocket riders, I'm in!

[Screenager]

I'm getting more and more anxious. Today I told a friend about the e-mail and she laughed and said she couldn't believe I'd sent her that. Great.

Oh well, I can be strong... perhaps... Thanks for the pocket riders, I'll take anyone I can get

Screenager, I'm sure T's see this kind of stuff often, any good T will handle it well, I understand that may not help with your anxiety about it, but I really think you will be okay. I can be a pocket rider if you want.

Originally Posted by Screenager

I'm getting more and more anxious. Today I told a friend about the e-mail and she laughed and said she couldn't believe I'd sent her that. Great.

Oh well, I can be strong... perhaps... Thanks for the pocket riders, I'll take anyone I can get

Has your friend ever been in therapy? If not, it isn't really fair of her to laugh at you (actually it isn't really nice either way). Don't worry about that too much, because she probably doesn't understand the therapeutic relationship and the kinds of things we send our Ts that might look weird from the outside but are actually perfectly okay and even useful.

I hope your session goes well on Monday. I bet it will be fine. I understand the intense anxiety around sending something like that but like others said, Ts are used to seeing these kinds of things and they know how to handle it. I am learning that much of what we do that we absolutely freak out about is not even a blip on the radar of "wrong" to our Ts.

[precious things]

For sure this experience is wayyyyy harder for you than anything your t will have to deal with. Now that it is all out there, how do you think the two of you can use this to learn and grow?

[Screenager]

Originally Posted by amaj910

Has your friend ever been in therapy? If not, it isn't really fair of her to laugh at you (actually it isn't really nice either way). Don't worry about that too much, because she probably doesn't understand the therapeutic relationship and the kinds of things we send our Ts that might look weird from the outside but are actually perfectly okay and even useful.

My friend later said that she couldn't remember if I'd already confessed my transference feelings to my T, so she just thought the whole jealousy stuff was a very bold thing to confess, but I still think her reaction was rather insensitive.

Argh. Less than 24 hours to go. I've never freaked out so much before an appt. Beating myself up so badly over my idiocy. The worst part is that the three weeks without T actually helped me let go of that extreme focus on her, so most of what I wrote in that e-mail isn't even accurate anymore.

I'm glad about your pocket ride offers though, and I'll let those who don't come along know how it went.