[Wren_]

to reassure T's that we are ok? when, we aren't

[stopdog]

absolutely not.

Its your job to be honest.

[pbutton]

Not at all. It is your job to tell the truth.

[nicoleb2]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

to reassure T's that we are ok? when, we aren't

No. In my experience, my t does not want me to assure her that I am ok when I am not. She wants to know when I am not ok so she can do everything she can to help me, or try to get me the help I need

No. What good would that do?

[Wren_]

All I could do was keep saying I'm ok and pushing away

[SoupDragon]

How are you doing now TG?

[roads]

(((tigergirl)))

Getting any feeling that I need to care for my T is a Red Flag for me. I'm there for ME, so if I find myself directing energy into
--holding back
--telling half-truths
--understating the seriousness of an issue
--understating my pain
then I have to consider this possibility:

Even if T is good, this is not a good T for me.

Maybe you'd want to give this some thought, TG? Because I think everyone has agreed that the answer to your question is NO.

Roadie

[anilam]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

to reassure T's that we are ok? when, we aren't

Acting like I'm fine is stg I do 24/7. Only with my T I can be honest about my feelings. I need that to that extent that I've convinced myself that nothing I do/say can hurt my T. I'm selfish in therapy (sorry T ). He does say he can manage and it is not my job to take care about him/ his feelings. So that makes it easier for me.

Originally Posted by tigergirl

to reassure T's that we are ok? when, we aren't

Why do you ask?

[Wren_]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

How are you doing now TG?

Hanging on, thanks soup

Originally Posted by Roadie

(((tigergirl)))

Getting any feeling that I need to care for my T is a Red Flag for me. I'm there for ME, so if I find myself directing energy into
--holding back
--telling half-truths
--understating the seriousness of an issue
--understating my pain
then I have to consider this possibility:

Even if T is good, this is not a good T for me.

Maybe you'd want to give this some thought, TG? Because I think everyone has agreed that the answer to your question is NO.

Roadie

thanks Roadie, i'm going to think about this. I wonder if I'd do it with any T though rather than it being specific with him

Originally Posted by anilam

Acting like I'm fine is stg I do 24/7. Only with my T I can be honest about my feelings. I need that to that extent that I've convinced myself that nothing I do/say can hurt my T. I'm selfish in therapy (sorry T ). He does say he can manage and it is not my job to take care about him/ his feelings. So that makes it easier for me.

How did you convince yourself? I find it really hard, that my job is to take care of his feelings because that's what I do, but then after the last session i just wanted to not do it anymore and felt I had to

Originally Posted by earthmamma

Why do you ask?

Because I wanted to know

Have you asked your T? What was his/her reply?

[learning1]

I'm worried TG. I remember you posted you were having hallucinations and your t wasn't taking it seriously not to long ago. I really really hope you can tell your t your not okay. I'm glad you posted here and I hope you'll post more if you can.

No. Please be honest. They can't help us as well if we're not honest.

Tiger,

T's are trained to deal with very difficult situations. That training means we can trust them to handle what we tell them. We don't have to protect them from ourselves. Please let your T know what is going on with you. Otherwise he is not going to be able to help you.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

How did you convince yourself? I find it really hard, that my job is to take care of his feelings because that's what I do, but then after the last session i just wanted to not do it anymore and felt I had to

My T has done the convincing. He has caught me every time I've tried to do this, explained again and again how it is his job, how otherwise he cannot help me, that this is how therapy works and he is prepare for it and that he is capable to take care of himself... well it only took him 2 years
When asked, he admitted that he felt frustrated because I didn't/couldn't trust him even though he proved himself every time.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect at this now. Sometimes I am still inclined to regress to this behavior. But I tell myself, My T can take it, and start again.

And your feelings are right: it is not helpful for you (and probably frustrating for your T)

Please Tiger, try to trust him that he is good at his job and can help you if given the chance. However, if you don't think this is the case (him being a good T for you) it's better to look for someone new.

Take good care.

[learning1]

TG, I was just thinking that if your t messed up and did something wrong, I hope you tell him that too. No need to protect his feelings from that.

I think total honesty is the way to go. T is trained to deal with stuff and can help better if you are honest.