[missdell]

i am of indian origin. i have a middle class father who values my education, a career, and upper class lifestyle. he hated my going to the local school, with working class friends my mother is completely working class, has ocd, hoarding issues, cant organise herself at all, severe social anxiety, doesnt go out much. the two never bothered to make a stable identity for me. i now go to an elitist university in london studying english, dont fit in, and have locked myself away for years and tortured myself.

anyone with different class parents have this issue? any advice, as i feel so lost and belong nowhere, and my self-esteem is just so low. i have social anxiety and what i now think is personality issues because of all thispa

[skysblue]

I think many people have difficulties with their parents for many many reasons. Are you seeing a therapist? If you've locked yourself away for years and have terrible esteem issues, you might consider entering therapy. This forum on PC helps a lot in getting information about the therapeutic process.

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering so much. I don't have the issue of my parents being of different class, although I did suffer an abusive upbringing with parents who were different because of their deafness.

Reaching out for support here is a great first step...online therapy may even be of help. I have found that pinpointing a cause - although helpful to provide some understanding - is only part of the equation - and that most of the value comes from being self-aware and willing to work on evolving.

[learning1]

That background sure sounds like a good recipee for causing you confusion Misdell. It's understandable you're having a hard time. I like how you call it elitist university. I'm not against universities but I like it when people recognize the elitist aspect of them.

Do you have a way to get therapy? A therapist could help you try to sort out the confusing messages from your parents and identity issues.

[unaluna]

the young lady IS in therapy, she has posted recently in romantic feelings.

I had a similar upbringing, my dad had more education and worldly experience relative to my mother, who was also much younger. First generation "American" (or whatever) DO have some catching up to do. the next generation does much better.

[growlycat]

Hi Missdell-
I hope hankster is right that you are in therapy. It really does make a difference.

Class was not an issue in my family but it seemed to be in school growing up. I am solidly middle class, but in school there were those from elite families that made it miserable for everyone else. We supposedly value individual accomplishment here in the US but you wouldn't know it from our school systems and what is known as "tracking". (Once you are placed in a "track" academically, it is hard to move up or out.)

I did have my best friend in HS who was of Indian decent (Parents from Mumbai) and class seemed to be a bigger issue for her and her family, even though they outranked many around them. Would you say that the caste system is still alive in some way in Indian culture?
I hope you keep reaching out!

[CantExplain]

For many people, including me, class is an important part of identity.

[Perna]

It's hard to be the first, with no friends or mentors. I don't think I felt it with upper/middle class but my stepsister was 13 years older than I was and came of age in the 1950's (married right out of school) versus me brought up in the 50's and 60's and came of age in the late 60's/early 70's. The cultural change of that age and women's "rights", etc. got me; my father thought it was a good idea for me to graduate college, become a secretary and "work my way up. . ." to being an administrative assistant. Never mind a professional career? I had no career guidance or support in that day and age (where women became teachers or nurses :-) I had no clue and was scared to death and hid away also.