[tkdgirl]

So I just came back from seeing T. And I feel somewhat unsafe. I guess this is the first time we actually talked about something somewhat significant. I didn't even think it was gonna be an issue until she started asking specific questions and I froze. I was fine talking about generalities.

I feel exposed, like I have been cut open or something. And on one level I understand that everything I say is confidential and stuff. But it still doesn't make it seem any safer.

I feel mad that I let my guard down. That I didn't put up more of a fight. Like I surrendered somehow. Granted I didn't tell her all that much and it did take me like 15min each to answer her 2 questions, but still. I know it's T's job to help me process things but I'm left with this uneasy feeling now.

I know this must sound strange but I can't explain it any better. I'm not sure if I should email T or just wait and sit with it till next weeks session.

[Mike_J]

It might be helpful to write the email then once you get the thoughts processed a bit through the writing process you can then decide if you want to send it or not.

I agree. I detest that exposed feeling. I found it helpful to touch base with my T after a particularly difficult session.

[FourRedheads]

I really, really get this. You are not alone.

I think it would be very good to check in with your T.

[Chopin99]

Sometimes I write emails to T and save them in the draft folder. Then I give it a little time. I may send it as is, or modify it and send it, or just delete it.

I think your T would probably appreciate the information!

[tkdgirl]

I actually drafted an email shortly after making this post. I'm just fighting with myself now whether I should send it or not. I don't get why this has to be so hard

[Sannah]

Your reaction is common. I'm sorry that it's so hard.

[sconnie892]

I understand this feeling also. It feels awful at first.
My T doesn't have email, so I write her letters in my journal. Then I reread them before my next session and decide if any of it needs to be shared.

I can totally relate to what you're saying! I call what you're talking about as my "whirling around in a storm". Sometimes it feels as though I'm in the midst of a sandstorm--I can't think or see anything clearly. Sometimes I feel as though I'm in the midst of a wind storm--I can see things, but they are distorted and crazy, blowing around me and sending me into a spin of negativity. I've talked about it a lot with my therapist both in session and in emails. Sometimes I send her one or two emails after a particularly stressful session. She understands. She hears me. She is able to stay calm and steady in the midst of my "storm". In the past, the storms lead to me feeling as though I wasn't doing therapy "right" and made me feel as though I needed to quit . . . I still have those feelings, but over time I've learned that she will remain steady and I can just be who I am until the storm passes . . . and the storm always passes and we continue . .. Let her know what is going on.

[tkdgirl]

Jaybird that was a great analogy thanks!

I sent the email I drafted cuz I couldn't stand reading it again. I guess if nothing else it's out there.

[CantExplain]

I don't think I've ever felt that T would use my trust against me.
My trust issues were more to do with internal barriers.

[Perna]

Feeling exposed and being exposed are not the same thing! Think about someone you don't know and if they told you what you have told your therapist? You still would not know them, you might know more about them, but not really them?

How you feel about your information, what you have to say, determines how you feel about telling the other person that information. My information does not become your property just because I give it to you. My heart does not become yours either. Yes, I can be hurt if I like you and you say you do not like me after we have shared all about me but a "stranger" not liking me is not able to hurt me that way precisely because they are not willing and able to learn to get to know me and give me time to share myself as a therapist will!

My stepmother would ask me questions to "trap" me, not to get to know me. So, when my therapist would ask me questions it felt like. . .

What we feel (and think) is not necessarily what is taking place. We need to feel what we feel and then check out its appropriateness for this situation. The better we get at checking out our feelings, the better they can serve us (because then they and our thoughts will coincide and work together better to inform us about ourselves and the people we are in contact with).

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I don't think I've ever felt that T would use my trust against me.

I have and she did.

[tkdgirl]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have and she did.

This is exactly what concerns me.

I'm ok trusting certain friends and people I know. But T is a randon stranger. T hasn't done anything to earn my trust but at the same time I guess it's like a catch 22, you have to give them something to see if you can trust them before you know they are actaully trust worthy.

[Perna]

CantExplain: I don't think I've ever felt that T would use my trust against me.

Stopdog: I have and she did.

I don't see how if one feels someone might use their trust against them, they can or would truly trust in the first place? If one does not feel another is trustworthy, one does not trust! "Using" trust against another implies malice aforethought to me. My too sensitive defensive radar picks those people out miles ahead of meeting them

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't see how if one feels someone might use their trust against them, they can or would truly trust in the first place? If one does not feel another is trustworthy, one does not trust! "Using" trust against another implies malice aforethought to me. My too sensitive defensive radar picks those people out miles ahead of meeting them

She used information I finally gave her to humiliate me after spending months telling me she would not hurt me if I trusted her enough to talk to her.

[Perna]

I do not think what we feel is an action of the other person. If I said to you, "your mother wears combat boots!" that might/might not result in your feeling humiliation, but would depend wholly on you and how you felt about your mother, whether or not she wore combat boots and how you felt about your mother wearing/not wearing combat boots!

I felt humiliated when a boss made fun of my speaking style (anxious, convoluted and very tangled :-) but thought about me and my feeling and realized (1) I was working on me and my "conversational skills" in therapy and doing much better and was proud of myself for my hard work, (2) I had been helping this boss and was rewarded with this useless criticism (criticism can be a very good thing!) and (3) his attitude was about him and what sort of man he was, not me. I got angry then that I was treated to his ignorant, unkind, unprofessional attitude in public and thought of what I was going to do (what anger is for, to goad us to action to solve a problem we perceive/have) and decided I would no longer offer my help to him (he was not a primary boss, just another VP I did not work directly for), if he made any such comments to me again I would privately confront him and let him know he was not to ever speak to me again in that manner or I would quit on the spot.

Feeling humiliation can feel painful if you stop there but can be very empowering if you pursue it and see what is behind the feeling for you. Another such emotion is disappointment. My T had me "think about" humiliation one week and that just happened to be the week the boss did his dirty and then the next week she had me "think about" disappointment and the next morning, I was disappointed in my husband! Turned out I wasn't disappointed, my stepmother's training of me was disappointed :-) and the disappointment turned to gladness that I could help my husband after I understood what was actually going on with both of us, not just in my own little head and imagination.

[stopdog]

She intentionally mocked me and admitted she did so.
My advice to the OP is to go slow and do not risk more than you are willing to lose.

[Perna]

I would be curious why and explore it or decide I had no respect for her (if she is in the habit of intentionally mocking and admitting without good explanation) which would take care of any hurt; she wouldn't count as someone whose opinion I cared about? I would not be able to keep working with her.

My husband hit me once and my brain yelled, "Kill!" but I had just enough self-control to first ask, "Why did you hit me?" and he had the correct answer; I almost caused us both potential deadly harm. You can hit me all day long if I'm doing something thoughtless or stupid like that, whatever it takes to protect you and me.

As the saying goes, there's usually a "method to one's madness" or I consider one truly "mad" and beyond my ability to know/interact with? I believed my T made fun of me once (I had Friday sessions) and I spent a miserable weekend but finally figured it out; she wasn't making fun of me, she was realistically warning me; I normally did do X and if I continued to do X like I usually did X then bad things would keep happening! That's just the facts, the reality, whether I liked it or it hurt or not. The warning was, "Heads up and try to do something different this time or we're both in the soup!" No point otherwise in saying, "You always behave like a loser in this situation, if you keep behaving that way, you'll keep being a loser." I figured out how to ignore the "past" behavior, but to take note of it (it was true, as painful as that was, I had to admit it) and change it to something else, to "flip" it and try the opposite, try anything else, so I didn't hit the same raft-ripping rock in that great mill race called life (sorry :-)