Silences

We have silences after we are done with one subject. I tease t by saying they sure taught you in school how to be silenet. Then we laugh and he will then try to get another conversation going or i will.

Sorry, I think I caused a misconception with my previous, sloppy post. The only thing "wrong" about having a silence follow what the T said was that it didn't count as a counseling response, as the course was focused on how we would respond to clients. We were supposed to learn to respond with silence. If a silence followed what the T said, that was perfectly fine for the purposes of therapy; it just didn't count as a counseling response so we would have to repeat it to get credit.

I believe that silence in counseling can be very effective in helping to give us time to process and think about what is going on inside our heads. But I also believe that it can be very isolating and abandoning if it isn't used in a way that is very individualized. Some of us find the silence as painful. A good therapist learns what is effective and helpful for each individual person. If it is unhelpful or isolating, our therapists need to learn this through their interactions with us; she sensed on a gut level whether or not the silence is unhelpful. If it closes us down or makes us withdraw, than a silence is not a good technique for us as an individual. A good skilled therapist will recognize the difference. Personally, I think this comes with experience and intuitive understanding.

I noticed today that T never stepped in when I was trying to figure out how to phrase what I wanted to say. He only broke the silence when I didn't really know how to respond. I wonder how he knew the difference.

I find them to be excruciating! And I've told my T this.

I sometimes have long silences when I'm trying to work out how I feel.

Nice post

I also wanted to add that silences are another topic to talk to your T about.
I like them. I'm a slow thinker and responder, so it feels more natural to me. And I like being given room, not being 'hurried'.
So when T and I talked about silences, I learned that she doesn't feel the same way that I do (how dare her??!!! lol), but she respects my wishes and jumps in less frequently. If she senses me pulling away vs. thinking and looking for words, she will not let it go on too long. I appreciate that because I can get very stuck in the silence, and of course it's reassuring to know that she knows me well