didn't let myself not talk

sorry to much i know

Big hugs, granite.

I still think it kind of stinks that your T won't let you write stuff down. I guess you didn't try showing her your drawings? I was hoping you would partly because you're just so talented.

thanks MKAC. am reading your posts you are so brave

I was wondering about your drawings too.

My handwriting has become so lousy that even I have trouble reading my journal, so now it's digital. But Granite you do illustrations (interesting ones) and all. wow!

granite, you deleted your post? It wasn't too much for us, but maybe for you it was. I'm sorry everything is so muddled in your mind and that you reacted internally, at leasst, to everything your T said. It's okay to blurt stuff out or not finish sentences. Often I start a sentence and don't finish. Therapy is hard.

I know you want to tell your T a lot but being inside of you for so long, it's not going to come out coherently, and that's OKAY!!! You're doing fine; it's going to take time, as my T always tells me.

I also wish you had shown your T your drawings. Maybe next week you will. In therapy, we take steps forward and steps backwards or we stay at a plateau for a while. You've taken GIANT steps forward so there's no way you're going to go backwards to the beginning. In time, it will all get straightened out.

I get the internal conflict thing. Many times at T, my head is screaming at me and I can't get the words out or form a complete thought.

I'm sorry you felt the need to delete your post, but I respect your decision to do so. You are very very brave. I know you don't think so, but as you post about T, I can see all the great things you are doing.

I never saw the original post, so I'm guessing here.

SPECULATION:

T didn't say Granite can't write things down. T said T won't read them. Granite must read them out loud to T.

This isn't arbitrary and T is not doing it to be mean. Speaking engages the subconscious. Which is precisely why Granite finds it so hard.

No, that isn't what happened; sorry if my reply was misleading. I was just commenting and expressing my frustration. It wasn't granite at all.

i feel so much like poo right now .i was told to go to my grandmothers house to bring some bread and we were talking about my son and she says."he isn't stupid like his mother"i hate her i hate me for being this stupid and i just feel completely alone i hate even being in the same space as other people in this world

ugh granite. i hate your mother SO MUCH. SHE is the one that made you hate yourself. My T explained it this way: Parents are everything to children; literally for survival. So when parents neglect/abuse their children, the child HAS to figure out a way to not blame the parent--because then it would be unbearable/they would die. That is how children think. So in order to be able to still live, they put the blame on themselves. They internalize whatever their parents were telling them, and most likely lies.

I hope one day you get the strength to cut off your mother--because I have yet to see any redeeming qualities.

I read your post, and I think you did wonderfully. Everything Rainbow said is very true. You are doing so so so so great with this T. I am very proud!! I also hope you can show her your drawings. They are absolutely wonderful and say so much just in images.

Hi Granite!

Does anyone outside your family say you're stupid?

YEAH! YEAH! And if anybody says it again, they are gonna hafta deal with us!

(((((((((Granite))))))))))))

There are some mean people in your family granite. They don't deserve you. You deserve MUCH better.

not really only my family and it seems to be everyone.i just seem to be the only one they feel is a failure at life and doesn't let a chance to go by to point it out to my.by saying stuff these days like it is amazing how great your son is doing considering ware he has come from.or like the last on hes is not a stupid person not like his mother or the daily reminder of ,we all know what you are like(fill in the negative blank) .i don't understand why i think it is because of the divorce and both sides decided i was the useless tragedy out of it.the stupid curse they all need to hide away from the world.the secret to be kept.the thing is they arn't all that wrong.i have always been a bit off .i think that is because i hate them so much

i do have my husband and my son who i believe love me very much and the only people who are important in my life right now

someone wise once told me that family is only blood nothing more the people you choose to have in your life and who choose to have you in there life are the people who are your true family.i believe that

thanks hankster i may take you up on that.you are so sweet

It's your family that's stupid - they are throwing away the best person in it!

granite, there are a lot of us at PC who don't like your mother or your family. They are so stupid & treat you so terribly. We would take them on! Hanster's not kidding.

You are both talented with your drawing AND not stupid. Language problems have nothing to do with intelligence. You are getting better. Your T's methods can be debated, but your intelligence canNOT be. And nobody at PC would disagreed with that!

Only people who would? Your family. The only ones! * laughing * I have to laugh.

i hope i didn't intrude too much by telling you how much i dislike your mother, granite. i just feel so outraged when i read anything by you that your mother has done.

you are doing so so so well in therapy right now. it IS going to feel worse before you feel better. just keep remembering that it is part of the process. and you have us.

not at all it is ok even my T seems to show some anger when it comes to dealing with the mother and my family.she says i have had enough of them

Granite, keep up the good work! I did read your earlier post just didn't have enough time to respond.

I read the others comments regarding your family and your response about your personal experience. *You* are the one seeking help through therapy, I think you are incredibly smart. Are any of your family members doing the same?