hi it's me

granite1 · Mar 13, 2012, 08:16 AM

i just want to think out loud and share if it is OK.i have T tomorrow as most of you know .i haven't had the most awesome week ever.am having a hard time sleeping because of panic and intrusive thoughts

mt T said i keep circling around working on myself,what does that mean.

i think i want to make her a card today because she called me a couch potato and then later thought it was rude and said she was sorry.i didn't think it was rude at all i thought it was a light hearted way of letting me know she understood how i was behaving at home.i don't want her to feel bad i need her to be all good in my T head i don't want her to go away over a comment that i didn't mind her saying at all.stupid me.

stupid me asked her if she didn't want me to come there anymore.it was just a panic that jumped in my head and i blurted it out and i think that made her think she did something wrong when it was just a panic that was in my head .i just usually know better than to speak them.it never ends good when i do.

she talked about pink and red again.how I'm not talking again and allowing red to be in control and wanted to know why.

i remember putting my hands over my ears and her talking louder.
i wish i could remember more but i cant.and i am worried about tomorrow.

i have to go to help my farther all day until i have T tomorrow I'm going to make a game out of counting how many times in a hour he will feel the need to put me down.it should be good times lol

Mar 13, 2012, 08:30 AM

Ugh, granite! I wish you could just tell your father that you won't help him if he puts you down. If he wants your help, the least he can do it be civil.

unaluna · Mar 13, 2012, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

I'm going to make a game out of counting how many times in a hour he will feel the need to put me down.it should be good times lol

before I moved out, I told my mother if she could go for one day without insulting me, I would stay. After two hours, she looked like her head was going to explode, she couldn't hold it in any longer! Then I told her if she would apologize, I would stay. She refused to apologize. I finally took the hint.

ETA: MKAC - it's not possible! they can't change. we have a life sentence as their children.

Mar 13, 2012, 10:19 AM

Granite, what do you think is making you still go help your father even though you say he will insult you? Normally when I pay a visit to my parents, I go with the hope that it "will be different this time" That they "won't put me down by insulting me or what I choose to do with my life" After so many times of not getting the different result that I secretly wish for, my visits to them became very few and very far between. Mostly now, I just see them when I run into them at a family event that we were all invited to. I hope you find some resolve at your appointment tomorrow

sunrise · Mar 13, 2012, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

before I moved out, I told my mother if she could go for one day without insulting me, I would stay. After two hours, she looked like her head was going to explode, she couldn't hold it in any longer! Then I told her if she would apologize, I would stay. She refused to apologize. I finally took the hint.

ETA: MKAC - it's not possible! they can't change. we have a life sentence as their children.

Sometimes they can change, if they will obtain something they want badly enough for better behavior. After my kids were a few years old, I told my Mom I was through with her behavior and if she didn't treat me civilly, she would no longer be allowed to see her grandchildren. I told her she didn't have to act nice, just be civil. Am happy to report she shaped up IMMEDIATELY.

Wish I'd had this leverage much earlier in my life. While I am glad she was able to change her behavior, it kind of made me mad too. All along, it was in her control to act better and not treat me like crap. It wasn't just some "way she was" that we had to excuse her for. It turned out, when she wanted to, she could stop the sh*tty behavior.

Granite, I share that info because maybe your father can treat you better if you tell him to, really lay down an ultimatum. Even just "I won't help you anymore if you treat me this way" might at least get you out of these painful helping sessions. He could either stop being awful or you would stop helping. Either way, it would be better.

Perna · Mar 13, 2012, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

and i think that made her think

This is an excellent example of you circling around picking on yourself.

When T told you she thought she was rude, calling you a couch potato and apologized, you then could have told her that, no, you enjoyed it, felt it as a light-hearted tease, showing she knew what it was like for you at home.

Without that interaction with each other, you are stuck in your head thinking about what you think she is thinking, and you can't know that, and worried about things that you don't need to be because you don't have any real information about them, just your own made-up negative thoughts that you keep picking on, staying negative.

unaluna · Mar 13, 2012, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunrise

Sometimes they can change, if they will obtain something they want badly enough for better behavior.

I don't think I have any bargaining "chips" left, if indeed I ever had them. My mother LITERALLY values a box of sheep manure more than me but I get what you're saying, thanks