[BrokenNBeautiful]

Hello.

I want to share an update.

In case some of you have been following along, I decided to give Vicki another chance.

She and my doctor were both very aplogetic about her behavior.

Yesterday we had a good session.

I am still doing a lot of the work.

The way I want to use my therapist is this way: Not as a crutch or someone to lean on all the time. I want to use her as a checkin person; a reference point, to be sure I am on the right track because I am human and don't have all the answers.

But I want to do the work.

I want to be in command and not dependent anymore for emotional support.

Billi is the one who gives Billi love.

Not anyone else.

If someone else loves me that's the icing on the cake.

Billi

I'm so glad for you that you have that much confidence and ability to be self sufficient, Billi. I wish I did. I do feel kind of dependent on my T and on certain friends.

[mcl6136]

With an attitude like that I think your cake is going to have mile-high icing.

[ECHOES]

I'm very happy for you that you didn't give up and that your therapy is feeling good!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

I want to be in command and not dependent anymore for emotional support.

Billi is the one who gives Billi love.

Not anyone else.

I felt like this at the start of therapy. Either I keep control or I lose control, and if I lose control, I lose everything. I spent the first two years fighting for control. I didn't win. T is a powerful woman.

But in the end, I found out that I could have a good relationship without being in control. T didn't abuse her power. She didn't use her power against me. I learned to trust someone more powerful than myself.

I still have control issues. We keep coming back to that. But I have hope.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I'm so glad for you that you have that much confidence and ability to be self sufficient, Billi. I wish I did. I do feel kind of dependent on my T and on certain friends.

We are all different and many of us are fortunate to have a therapist or a friend who can be there for us when we need them.

In my experience, they have not been.

And in that way, I was forced to learn how to give that to myself.

Because they could or would not.

I do encourage us to learn that. To be there for ourselves. To do much much research on our conditions/conditionings and see how we can treat ourselves well.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I felt like this at the start of therapy. Either I keep control or I lose control, and if I lose control, I lose everything. I spent the first two years fighting for control. I didn't win. T is a powerful woman.

But in the end, I found out that I could have a good relationship without being in control. T didn't abuse her power. She didn't use her power against me. I learned to trust someone more powerful than myself.

I still have control issues. We keep coming back to that. But I have hope.

that is so good on you.

So many t's have abused their power on me.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Well, it happened again.

This therapist turned out to be not so good.

Although I enjoyed talking to her and liked her, she was not professional. She expected me to be home for half the day, not giving me a definite time that day. Then I went to the doctors' Wednesday and she called me from my porch; she was there already adn would not wait for me to come home, even though she was EARLY.

Then I switched therapists (called the agency) and someone did come today, but decided they could not work with me, not giving me a reason why.

So, there.

Okay, I am on my own again.

I have had enough.

I have told the doctor a month ago I would give it another chance.

That chance has been given.

Billi

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

Well, it happened again.

This therapist turned out to be not so good.

Although I enjoyed talking to her and liked her, she was not professional. She expected me to be home for half the day, not giving me a definite time that day. Then I went to the doctors' Wednesday and she called me from my porch; she was there already adn would not wait for me to come home, even though she was EARLY.

Then I switched therapists (called the agency) and someone did come today, but decided they could not work with me, not giving me a reason why.

So, there.

Okay, I am on my own again.

I have had enough.

I have told the doctor a month ago I would give it another chance.

That chance has been given.

Billi

Where do they find these people?!

Honestly, this seems a pretty dysfunctional bunch.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

Well, it happened again.

This therapist turned out to be not so good.

Although I enjoyed talking to her and liked her, she was not professional. She expected me to be home for half the day, not giving me a definite time that day. Then I went to the doctors' Wednesday and she called me from my porch; she was there already adn would not wait for me to come home, even though she was EARLY.

Then I switched therapists (called the agency) and someone did come today, but decided they could not work with me, not giving me a reason why.

So, there.

Okay, I am on my own again.

I have had enough.

I have told the doctor a month ago I would give it another chance.

That chance has been given.

Billi

Wow those people are really off the beam. I am sorry you had to deal with that. How very disappointing.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I called the social worker yesterday to follow up with this incident.

She explained that these people are "behavioral nurses" and not equipped to give psychotherapy. I wish my doc had known this. He did not. He thought this outfit was giving counseling, but actually it was only behavioral nursing, someone comes over just to check you vitals, your meds, and your symptoms.

And I do not need that kind of care; I am not homebound either. all I needed was someone to talk to once a week. But I guess I will be okay.

D it! D it all!

and I believe that many (not all) nurses are codependent and do not have very good self-care skills; many have been conditioned in their upbringing and in their line of work to care care and care and burn out. I do not need to give them codependency therapy! I need help and they need to be there for me! But they don't know how.

I have decided to ask for a discharge from the program

thanks,

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Where do they find these people?!

Honestly, this seems a pretty dysfunctional bunch.

they need more help than I do!

[learning1]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

I called the social worker yesterday to follow up with this incident.

She explained that these people are "behavioral nurses" and not equipped to give psychotherapy. I wish my doc had known this. He did not. He thought this outfit was giving counseling, but actually it was only behavioral nursing, someone comes over just to check you vitals, your meds, and your symptoms.

And I do not need that kind of care; I am not homebound either. all I needed was someone to talk to once a week. But I guess I will be okay.

D it! D it all!

and I believe that many (not all) nurses are codependent and do not have very good self-care skills; many have been conditioned in their upbringing and in their line of work to care care and care and burn out. I do not need to give them codependency therapy! I need help and they need to be there for me! But they don't know how.

I have decided to ask for a discharge from the program

thanks,

Billi

Can you tell your doc about the confusion? Or is the doc out of the picture now? Did the social worker understand the mix up? Anything s/he can do?

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by learning1

Can you tell your doc about the confusion? Or is the doc out of the picture now? Did the social worker understand the mix up? Anything s/he can do?

I will not see him until the end of the month. But I will definitely follow up.

I will tell him about what happened.

Proably not much he can do.

I dont' know what the doc told them about me. They talk over my head. I don't know if the social know or not; she told me that they are not equipped for counseling; not what I need. Just behavioral health, like I mentioned---hygiene, vitals, to make sure I am not suicidal or managing my meds badly.

Billi

[learning1]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

I will not see him until the end of the month. But I will definitely follow up.

I will tell him about what happened.

Proably not much he can do.

I dont' know what the doc told them about me. They talk over my head. I don't know if the social know or not; she told me that they are not equipped for counseling; not what I need. Just behavioral health, like I mentioned---hygiene, vitals, to make sure I am not suicidal or managing my meds badly.

Billi

That is too bad. It seems like if they aren't giving you what they said you were going to get, you should be able to call them and explain it and at least get an answer. But it is a hassle to keep calling people and dealing with bureaucracy and then it doesn't always work.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am very very disappointed in this.

For a while, I was hoping that some place, somebody would come thru.

I have had a good cry.

And I will express my disappointment.

I pray I can keep it civilized.

thanks,

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I have started a group called On Our Own in Social Groups, if anyone is interested.

It's geared toward those who are not in therapy but who still want to help themselves.

Look in my profile and you will find it in my Social Groups.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Just an update:

The doctor who had referred me to this outfit turned out to be pretty dysfunctional himself.

He yelled at me last week and I walked out.

I have more recent posts about the incident.

Billi