that when ever there is a male figure in my life that shows support or caring I want to turn it into something more... (I am a married female)...

It doesn't matter if it is my male T. or my pastor or friend of the family.... My pastor came up to me today and gave me one of those side ways squeezea hugs and asked how I was and it just melted my heart...similar feelings with my T... It is really good that my former T did not do any form of physical touch...

Does anyone else experience this? Is this just due to not having a loving father in my life? (I had a father who lived in the same house but that is the extent of that)

[unaluna]

This is one of the reasons I wanted a "warm" r/s with my current T, so I would stop acting like a lost puppy and following home anybody who showed me the slightest bit of attention. I would say both my parents were like that - they just lived in the house. They would have my (older) brother talk to me, like once he had to tell me I couldn't become a nun, they expected me to get married. That was pretty much the extent of their "parenting". Honestly, I had no idea what I was missing. I remember telling my mother once that I thought she should talk to me more, but she refused to, so that was that.

For me, it was other women. In grade school, high school, and through the first couple of years of college, if another girl or adult woman showed me any affection, I had a really puppy dog kind of response to it, though not in a sexual way. Total follower, let them push me around and treat me with absolutely no respect. Some time during my sophomore year in college, I decided females were too treacherous to even attempt to interact with, so I stopped. My first T tried to tell me it was just the KIND of women/girls I was hanging around with me, and that I tended to attract people who would take advantage of me because of my childhood, but because I should do differently, I just stopped trying to have friendships with women. I would still FEEL that impulse to follow like a puppy when a woman was kind to me, but I just put it away.

[Dreamy01]

I'm like MyKidsareCool. I attach myself to women who show me some interest or affection and from then on become utterly obsessed with them, although not sexually. I've pushed several women away by doing this. I'm not as bad as I used to be though.

[sconnie892]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

that when ever there is a male figure in my life that shows support or caring I want to turn it into something more... (I am a married female)...

It doesn't matter if it is my male T. or my pastor or friend of the family.... My pastor came up to me today and gave me one of those side ways squeezea hugs and asked how I was and it just melted my heart...similar feelings with my T... It is really good that my former T did not do any form of physical touch...

Does anyone else experience this? Is this just due to not having a loving father in my life? (I had a father who lived in the same house but that is the extent of that)

I am single, but occasionally feel this way. My dad had some undiagnosed paranoia issues. So for me it's when a guy is stable that I find myself getting those feelings.

[critterlady]

I'm the same way. I have no idea what the underlying reason is (although I suspect it's related to my CSA by a trusted neighbor), but I've done it all my life. It's something I'll be exploring with my T. He's psychodynamic, so transference is kind of his thing.

[ClementineK]

If I had to guess I would say that your theory about the relationship (or lack of) with your father is right on.

I've done the same thing with females my whole life. Nothing sexual. Always older than me. And like another poster said, I've pushed many away.

The only reason that I can guess would have contributed to this is that I never attached to my mother. I care about my mother, she's done her best, but she was a self-admitted out of control and unpredictable person when I was growing up. We still don't have a good relationship. This has convinced me of the power of past relationships with our parents as causing us to crave and seek out similar relationships in adult life. Especially when the relationship was unfulfilling.

Mine was my mother, yours was your father. You're probably right on there.

[purple_fins]

this topic is interesting....

and I think many of you show very good insight

for me, even though my dad was not involved-- the neglect went too far and resulted in severe abuse by others due to father's disconnect from me as a child. and the mother was a lit stick of dynamite where the wick would sporadically go out and then re-ignite to explode(in other words never know when, why or if it will explode)...

so I guess instead of yearning for what I never had-- I more fear what's the consequence of being near others.....
I so fear that men want to take "something" from me-- and that women are extremely volatile.

I gave what ever I needed to myself from a VERY young age..... maybe I only trust self to have such a HUGE role....

don't know if I will ever be so trusting as all of you are.... I do think it's great that you can be as such.

I don't "follow anyone home" and try to keep a safe distance(i rarely email the T. I see- the last time was- once- last summer, and I havent called for 2 years-- that was a traumatic emergency)...... though, this T. I see, is the kindest person I've ever known and as scary as it is-- I do have hopes, occasionally, that she is not like what I've known from so many people in my life.

....fins

I am this way with older females, since my mother neglected me. Through therapy though-I am learning that the void will never be filled and when I tried to get other people to fill it-I end up getting hurt. T says I have to nurture myself and take care of me. I guess I am trying to learn how. Inner-child work helps, but it takes lots of time and patience and practice.

[Nelliecat]

Yes, I attach myself to older women and see them in a maternal way. I've done this since I was a teenager. I would have thought though, for me, I would have looked for father figures since my father left when I was 10 and when he lived with us he was having an affair so was emotionally absent.

The only thing I can attribute the 'mother' thing to is the fact that his girlfriend (the affair) who I grew to love like a mother, died when I was 16 from cancer. Also I have strong feelings of not being protected by my own mother when I was little.

Confusing stuff.

[mcl6136]

Yes, I have been a barnacle to men who have (and abuse) power.

You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes (or Sigmund Freud) to understand where that emanates from.

However, the rough times I had in therapy with men who (had and abused) power have helped me understand this phenomemon --and run from it. I paid powerful male jerks who had therapeutic "credentials" to learn NOT to pay jpowerful male jerks who had therapeutic credentials.

That's my sh#$t and I'm learning to deal with it.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I just stopped trying to have friendships with women. I would still FEEL that impulse to follow like a puppy when a woman was kind to me, but I just put it away.

What about the women on this forum? How are you getting on with them?

Originally Posted by CantExplain

What about the women on this forum? How are you getting on with them?

Since starting therapy this time (almost two years ago), I've been doing much better with women in general. I actually have TWO close female friends in real life. And the women in here are different because I never actually SEE them or have to think of them as women, if that makes sense.

I do think it's weird that a relationship with a man (in therapy) has improved my relationships with other women. And we never actually talk about other women, really.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I do think it's weird that a relationship with a man (in therapy) has improved my relationships with other women. And we never actually talk about other women, really.

Yeah, "sis", me, too! I think the level of distrust with women because of our mothers was simply insurmountable, making most female T's problematic.