For quite some time, I've been realizing in little pieces here and there that I need a different style of therapy than what my T can offer. Instead of just getting a new T all together, I found out that my insurance will cover 2 T's at the same time as long as the appointments are not on the same day. So for me this is like a win-win. I can't keep my current T (who I do love, but I need more structure and she is psych-dynamic and NOT structured or direct at all) and also perhaps go to another T short term. Does anyone know which styles of therapy have a more direct/structured approach to it? I was in a DBT group, but didn't have the money to go anymore-they didn't take insurance. But, I am seeking out a more structured type of therapy and one where the T doesn't let people off the hook so easy. I need someone who is going to push me. Can I have your thoughts and if you know of any types of therapy where the T takes this approach? Thanks...

I am in a similar situation although I stopped going to therapy with my T. I said I was too tired ...it was too hard and I needed a break. I'm trying to decide to go back to him (psych dynamic...doesn't push) or try someone different. So I don't have any experiences to share but I would be interested to know... Did you talk to your current T about the structure and asking her to push you more and not let you off the hook?

I'm only saying that because my H. t is psycho dynamic and he doesn't let them off the hook and he pushes him sometimes...

I am meeting with my old T in a few weeks to discuss what it would look like if I went back and I want goals (that we discuss and talk about what I have to do to get to them and discuss where I am in reaching them) and I need him to not let me off the hook...make me go back and talk about the LMB (last minute bomb from the last session)... and when I'm going round and round to avoid a topic to ask me...is this really what you want to talk about today?

If you did ask your T to be more structured or direct, I would be interested to hear what she said in reply if you are willing to share.

[Perna]

I don't think you will find quite what you are looking for. If you do not push yourself, cannot get yourself to talk, no one "outside" you is going to be able to? It is you and your problems and stories, etc., you have to want to share those, no one can "rip" them out of you? They don't know what is there so have nothing to grab hold of, in the first place, and your defenses are yours and obviously really good so they can't get through them, it's like asking someone outside your front door to unlock the deadbolt but they have no key or leverage of any kind?

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I am in a similar situation although I stopped going to therapy with my T. I said I was too tired ...it was too hard and I needed a break. I'm trying to decide to go back to him (psych dynamic...doesn't push) or try someone different. So I don't have any experiences to share but I would be interested to know... Did you talk to your current T about the structure and asking her to push you more and not let you off the hook?

I'm only saying that because my H. t is psycho dynamic and he doesn't let them off the hook and he pushes him sometimes...

I am meeting with my old T in a few weeks to discuss what it would look like if I went back and I want goals (that we discuss and talk about what I have to do to get to them and discuss where I am in reaching them) and I need him to not let me off the hook...make me go back and talk about the LMB (last minute bomb from the last session)... and when I'm going round and round to avoid a topic to ask me...is this really what you want to talk about today?

If you did ask your T to be more structured or direct, I would be interested to hear what she said in reply if you are willing to share.

ReadyToStop, I asked my T to be more direct, to push me a little more, to structure the sessions a little more through making goals together and sticking to those goals. She told me its not her style and she doesn't know how to really take this approach with her clients. I plan to discuss this more with her when I go on Thursday.

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think you will find quite what you are looking for. If you do not push yourself, cannot get yourself to talk, no one "outside" you is going to be able to? It is you and your problems and stories, etc., you have to want to share those, no one can "rip" them out of you? They don't know what is there so have nothing to grab hold of, in the first place, and your defenses are yours and obviously really good so they can't get through them, it's like asking someone outside your front door to unlock the deadbolt but they have no key or leverage of any kind?

Thanks Perna-I get what your saying, but I'm just wanting someone to sit down with me, make goals and help me stick to those goals without going off track. Perhaps cognitive behavior therapy? Or something like that will help. Not sure. My T can't provide what I am asking for, she said its not her style.

[pbutton]

Your T won't make goals with you? My T loves to bring up goals. He's a CBT guy, so you're right, that may be what you're seeking.

Thanks Pbutton- yes..my T literally wont make goals with me and work with me to stick with them. She told me this entire process is up to me, and in a way she is right..but T is a part of that process. I'm not sure-I plan to explore this more with her on Thursday.

[Perna]

I think CBT is about concrete goals; "talk to 5 strangers this week"? You could make those sorts of goals and share them with your T?

My T (like yours) and I decided I would no longer be allowed to say, "I don't know" anymore; I'd have to search my heart, no matter how long it took (had to learn how, that wasn't easy!) and find my answer to the question.

Think of something like that you do/do not do and stop/start doing it and tell your T that's what you want to do? Ask your T to help you "catch" yourself doing/not doing it.

[Eliza Jane]

First, you have AMAZING insurance! Very few insurances will allow such an arrangement.

Unfortunately, very few T's would agree to the arrangement that you are suggesting. And don't think about lying to the two T's involved. That would be setting yourself up for disaster and potentially a world of hurt.

If this T's style is not to give you something that you think you need to be successful in therapy, perhaps this T is not a "fit" for you. Maybe you need to break ties with her and seek help with someone who is a better fit.

Best,
EJ

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by Eliza Jane

Unfortunately, very few T's would agree to the arrangement that you are suggesting. And don't think about lying to the two T's involved. That would be setting yourself up for disaster and potentially a world of hurt.

I think that's true. When my previous T was getting ready to leave, he wanted me to get established with a new one before he left. I saw him right up until he left and that made the new T very uncomfortable. She told me that therapists don't usually see clients who are seeing another therapist. She made an exception for me, since she new my old T very well.

As it turned out, she was not the right T for me and I terminated with her right after the old T left. So, I went from 2 therapists to none until I found the guy I see now.

Thank you all for the input so far. I've been seeing
My T for 2 years so I guess I have some thinking to do...

[Wren_]

a good mix might be having someone from a psychodynamic background to help with feelings; and then a second person with a more CBT/brief therapy background or even look at a life coach to work with you on goals and support to find what works best for you