reverting to young child

okay, I have heard people write about this one before but, never thought it would happen to me.

In the middle of processing through your issues in therapy, have you ever reacted with actions similar to a young child? Like, ways you would never act outside of the therapy room just come to life in session... it's wierd for me personally... I try to hold back strong reactions.

We we're talking about something related to anger and as always, I was suppressing emotions so I could just casually talk about the situation, which I was casually talking..

I brought my notebook that day and was doodling with my pen but, all of a sudden I flipped the notebook upside, stuck my pen in the crease of it, ripped part of the front cover with my pen and then used my hands to rip the entire front cover of my journal off...

I was like uhhh, "this is awkward," .. now I feel awkward...

she was all like, no, that seems like an appropriate response at the time of what we we're talking about...

I started telling her I did it for fun lol

I wonder if she believes that statement?

I don't really know if I have ever seriously regressed. I wasn't very mature anyway!

i always feel about 15 in that room. But i've never outwardly regressed but never say never!

It happens all the time now. In the beginning it didn't, but I think now that I trust him, I've felt like 10 years old or something, which makes sense because that's when my crud started. I get stuck in 10 year old feelings and thoughts and it takes hours after the appointment before I get back into my adult mindset. It's made shopping for groceries kind of fun, though!

Yes, it has happened to me a few times. The most vivid is when I was angry with my T and didn't want to tell her why, so I scribbled in marker all over a doodle she made and over the entire large paper. It was a drawing paper, not a typical size.

When we did finger painting once, I tore the paper into tiny pieces.
It seems like my child comes out in artwork. At home, not long ago, while filling out the EMDR tracking log, I went beyond the lines in the "draw your feeling" and I scribbled in red all over both sides of the paper. When I gave it to my T, she said it was good that I was showing my emotions!

Yes I've reacted out of instinct....that is, a small child's instinct. It's only looking back I can see how childlike it is.

I don't believe one needs to engage in childish activitys in therapy as such. Regression isn't about playing with toys, its about processing very young feelings. Ie that moment when a childs arms spring out when it feels being dropped, those are feelings I still have that were never processed or contained. That's what regression is about. Uding art as a form of expression is another issue. I regress to very early emotions but have no desire to start playing games as a child, its not the same thing.

Im sorry but I disagree. regression can be about playing with toys..

I many times will be talking with my therapist about my childhood and reach over, pick up the stuffed bear, or doll or crayons, or the dump truck, blocks... what ever toys happen to be closest and play with the toys while talking..

Here where I live and work it is believed in the mental health community that every one has a "child with in" meaning everyone has times when they feel like they did as a child and act according to those childhood feelings / memories / emotions / events.

Doing so around here where I live and work is called "getting in touch with your inner child" "regression" and "visiting the past" "play therapy" and "role playing" depending upon the situation.

You don't have to be sorry you disagree. That doesn't mean what I wrote is wrong, just means you don't agree with it.

No it doesnt mean you are wrong.. like I have said many times different locations, treatment providers and people explain and believe differently.. to go according to what goes for you and your own locations, treatment providers and views.

thank you for understanding people can disagree and not be wrong at the same time.

I have strong feelings about this too. While I didn't play games or use toys with my first t, she did encourage me to remain in that childlike place by treating me as a child and rather than enabling me to move on, it actually encouraged greater dependence. This leads me to wonder whether it is helpful to regress in this way, although I imagine it's different for different people depending on where they're at. It certainly didn't work for me. I only realised the extent that it kept me 'stuck' when I worked with my former and current ts who have both focussed on the adult in the present moment and only deelved into the child's needs when they naturally arose in session due to need for closure. The emphasis is on moving on, not indulging in childlike behaviour for longer than absolutely necessary. Even though young parts are appearing with my current t, I'm aware we are looking at moving through them slowly.

I also wonder if staying in child mode prevents the grief process from occuring naturally. I never grieved properly for my childhood at the time because I was getting so much from my T that I didn't need to.

I don't know, I guess it varies from client to client.

Good work Jazzy. I'm glad that you got in touch with your feelings.

Dreamy, yes I am in agreement with you.

I don't know. I think there can be all sorts of reasons for regression, even for play, that aren't necessarily negative or meant to hold a patient back. For example, I believe that folks who aren't all that in touch with who they used to be, or can't really even remember anything much about a traumatic childhood could probably benefit from anything that helps them feel those feelings again. And don't we generally need to feel those feelings again to grieve them and move on? (I realize that some modes of treatment explicitly don't address past feelings, but rather focus on current outcomes and behavior modification/coping strategies/etc. I'm not talking about those particular types.)

Do I think it would be good for me to sit down and play with a doll every week and for my T to be my "new mom" or something? No...I DO think that would be encouraging me not to grieve and grow. But can it be useful in a limited way, as in the above example? Could it even be the catalyst for grieving? I'd really think so.

Yes, but only recently and I'm not sure if it qualifies. I was having flashbacks and started rocking.

Doesn't some of what happens, what heals, in therapy take place at a non-verbal, unconscious level? T has said just the regularity of meetings builds feelings of security. So just settin' there holding dolls - a T tea party, so to speak - might have some reparative value not apparent to the naked eye.

My therapist never encourages regression. He wants me to live in the present and stay in the present, hard as it may be. I actually HATE this sometimes, but it is for my own good.

True enough, Hankster. (At least, I think it is. I haven't really gotten very far on the security front after 3 years.) Then again, it's exactly because of this question...I want the younger years "made up for," and T is very clear that that can't happen, and she's in no way there to try it. Knowing that, I still refuse to just settle in and do the hard work of grieving it all. And I refuse to "act young" or in any way be vulnerable on a conscious level because I know I'll meet with her refusal. Apparently I don't want to give her anything to say "no" to, which was my own mother's constant verbal and emotional refrain. Seems I'm holding out for a better deal this time.

So no T teas for me. But you know I love your wit and am still waiting for you to come move in with me, Hankster.

____________________

And by the way...I hope this doesn't seem like a hijack. I'm hoping my experience gives Jazzy something to connect to. But my sincerest apologies if it doesn't.

I'm not sure if I do that. I go from normal mode to aggressive mode. Not sure if that is an "aggressive child" mode or not. That would be one scary kid!!

for me it's weird, i can be talking about work one minute and then the next he is asking me something and i can hear my voice and it sounds like a nine year old child whining. but hurt...and scared

i don't like it and i wish i knew where it came from.
t never mentions it so that is good and i notice it whenever i talk to him on the phone as well???