[struggling2]

last friday my T had to cancel our appt cause of family emergency. we rescheduled for today. which, no big deal...it happens. i was fine on my own. but at the same time I could hear the "stress" in her voice. it threw me off. she is always so calm and together and happy. i always feel welcomed and like she's happy to see me. i know her life is not perfect and that she has normal everyday situations just like the rest of us do BUT it gave me a weird feeling because im not used to that from her. not used to vaguely getting a glimpse of her stress. she's always been there for ME and been my rock and ive never thought about her "stuff"....its strange. i dont know why im so thrown off by it. im uneasy about going to session today as now i know she her own things going on and how can i just sit there and ramble on about all this garbage that is my life. i feel guilty. my instinct is to go in and be like "are YOU ok?". and on the flip side i dont want to go cause i dont want to see or think of her as anything but "calm and steady T who is able to be what I need".......basically what my mom never could be.
ahhhhhh crap!

So that is what you start your session with, struggling. The "are YOU ok?" She's going to say that she is, and you need to know that she IS because she's already proven that if she isn't able to be wholly present for you, she will call and reschedule with you. Then you can talk about your uneasiness and the source of it. I'm sure she'll be able to walk you through it and reassure you.

[tkdgirl]

Your post reminded me of this blog post I read a few weeks back, thought it might be helpful:

http://whatashrinkthinks.com/2012/02/22/reversals/

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

So that is what you start your session with, struggling. The "are YOU ok?" She's going to say that she is, and you need to know that she IS because she's already proven that if she isn't able to be wholly present for you, she will call and reschedule with you. Then you can talk about your uneasiness and the source of it. I'm sure she'll be able to walk you through it and reassure you.

Thank MKAC, i think you're right. its a weird mixture between guilt for bombarding her with my "stuff" while knowing she's currently got her own going + feelings of selfishness cause i just want her to stay "calm and steady" in my mind + feelings of concern.

therapeutic relationship = strangest thing ever!

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by tkdgirl

your post reminded me of this blog post i read a few weeks back, thought it might be helpful:

http://whatashrinkthinks.com/2012/02/22/reversals/

thank you for this!

[stopdog]

I read some book by a therapist guy who gave an account of when his wife died and after he came back to work, he just wanted to be able to get on with his job. That was the best thing clients could do for him.

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I read some book by a therapist guy who gave an account of when his wife died and after he came back to work, he just wanted to be able to get on with his job. That was the best thing clients could do for him.

My T was much like this with her cancer. If I asked if she was okay, she told me the truth about what was going on; but was careful to assure me that if she couldn't handle it, she wouldn't be there. She looked like hell some days, but she told me a couple of times that getting back to her normal life helped her tremendously.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I read some book by a therapist guy who gave an account of when his wife died and after he came back to work, he just wanted to be able to get on with his job. That was the best thing clients could do for him.

Is that what they expect us to do? Bury ourselves in our work and try not to think about the pain?

I think not!!!

Lead by example, Ts.

[stopdog]

Leading by example would be him seeing his own t or feeling his grief -not being taken care of by a client.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Leading by example would be him seeing his own t or feeling his grief -not being taken care of by a client.

It's not leading by example if we can't see them do it.

[struggling2]

i dont really want to see my T's grief and stress. it will cause me to put my issues aside and not want to bother her with them. im sure thats not how a healthy relationship works but right now i just need her to be that strong, calm, steady guidance. basically i want and need her to provide what my mom never could. mentally and emotionally she couldnt. is this wrong to want that from T? i dont want her to be my mommy per say....i just want that guidance. that rock i can lean on...especially right now.....

i do agree though that T's should not bury their pain by hiding behind their work. they need to work it out with their own T's or friend/family......just not with me

[critterlady]

I agree, Struggling.

One of the things I value most about my relationship with T is that he's the one person in my life I don't feel compelled to take care of. I can let it be all about me. That's been a very difficult thing to grasp and now that I have, I want to keep it that way.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by critterlady

I agree, Struggling.

One of the things I value most about my relationship with T is that he's the one person in my life I don't feel compelled to take care of. I can let it be all about me. That's been a very difficult thing to grasp and now that I have, I want to keep it that way.

ditto! ALL.ABOUT.ME

Originally Posted by struggling2

therapeutic relationship = strangest thing ever!

Boy ain't that the wonderful truth!!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by critterlady

One of the things I value most about my relationship with T is that he's the one person in my life I don't feel compelled to take care of.

I don't feel compelled to take care of T, but I do feel protective towards her.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I don't feel compelled to take care of T, but I do feel protective towards her.

i agree. Nobody make my T cry unless its me dangit!...lol, well....and probably other clients!

every once & awhile i can tell when my t is a mess & i will call her on it. she may not tell others about it but at times she will let me know some of the stuff...& i appreciate it. some of the stuff i can actually help her with..like when her dog was sick or her son going into the military...

i walked in one day & said..what's wrong...& she said nothing..i said yeah right, & i'm mentally healthy. spill it. & the dog had cancer. last month when the dog died she called me to tell me & we talked..is it right? no, probably not, but she knows i get it..& maybe there is no one else, & it is ok by me.

with the son..since my career dangled into the one her son was looking into i had no problem discussing it with her...& her worries. my ptsd , training, etc + my brother was trained by the same folks, units etc it was all sort of co-mingled (weird it would have worked out that way...who knew yrs ago)

if it was ongoing all the time that would bother me but i have plenty of time to handle my stuff..so it is ok