Angry and disconnected

Do you ever have sessions where you and T don't seem to be on the same page? Where she seems to have a different agenda?

I've seen my T a while and generally speaking she is a good T. I've reached a point where the transference is deepening and I've felt quite close to her.

But I've had a session where she doesn't seem to understand me at all. I ended up angry inside and unable to tell her. She seemed determined to 'jump in' on everything I said and turn it into something she felt I needed to work on, not something I simply wanted to offload about. Ironically it felt like it is with my mother who always 'talks over' everything I say. It's tiring.

I feel completely disconnected.I don't know how else to put it just that I felt she wasn't listening or hearing me. I felt I had to rush through everything I said just to get a look in. I wanted to talk, be heard, not be analysed. I even got upset about something but she wasn't really understanding what I was crying about.

We were on different pages and the saddest thing is I felt too scared to tell her I was angry. I felt so helpless all over again

The ending was especially horrible. I have a thing about physcial contact (which we are working on) and lately during sessions she has held my hand for a little while at the end, ie a few minutes or so. This time she was talking so much that by the time she finished it had gone a few minutes over time. I asked to hold her hand anyway. She noticably hesitated - then took it just for a few seconds. But I felt she had minded so I asked her if she had. She simply said this was an issue we were working on, THEN she pointed out it was past the end of the session and this boundary was an important one to keep.

I left feeling very rejected. Maybe her words were okay, but I took them badly. I was angry and hurt.

I don't know how to get through this week apart from trying not to think about t at all. At times like this I feel it is all useless and pointless.

Dreamy I'm sorry you had such a rough session. It sounds super frustrating the way your T was behaving. I wouldn't let this just slide, you should definately make sure to talk to her about it next session. Sorry I don't have any good advice for this, just wanted to let you know ur not alone.

UGH. I hate sessions like that.....When I've addressed that with T in the past, he has said that I can always stop him and tell him that I need him to just listen and be supportive. He said that he is not always aware of what I need at the time, so it's ok for me to tell him. It's not as easy as it sounds though....

Dreamy, so sorry about your session. I have had disconnected sessions before and they are painful. I found the best thing to do is tell T that it didn't feel right and discuss why. T's aren't perfect and they get off track once in a while, but it doesn't mean she doesn't care for you.

Thanks for the support. I can't put into words how miserable I feel. I don't know how I'm going to get through this week until the next session.

I am furious with her...yet I know as soon as I see her next week I won't be able to say a word. I know she was trying to help, in her own way. I am so confused about everything. I suddenly feel so helpless and depressed. I am afraid of T...weird as that sounds..the sense of connection has suddenly vanished and I feel I have to avoid her. This has come after feeling really close to her and wanting to be near her emotionally and physcially. Now I feel she doesn't really like me or care and I'm just a nuisance who invades her time. Far from wanting to be near her I won't give her the satisfaction of telling me I have overstepped a single boundary.