 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Apr 06, 2012, 04:42 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
As the weekend approaches, I can feel it coming. I can feel the darkness creeping in...
 I don't want to be this way... why is every holiday the same?  For 23 years I was able to keep it all pushed down and put on my happy face and deal... and now my whole coping mechanism for dealing with my FOO (Family of Origin) is gone...Looking for support and suggestions (other than avoiding them entirely) for dealing with them... |
 Anonymous37917, BonnieJean, lostmyway21, mortimer, vanessaG
|
|
#2
Apr 06, 2012, 04:46 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
If you have to see them, can you bring along a friend? Limit the time? Go do something really fun after you see them?
|
|
#3
Apr 06, 2012, 04:52 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
The way we use FOO here it almost seems an obscenity.
"Foo you!" "Don't be such a foo!"
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
 Chopin99
|
|
#4
Apr 06, 2012, 04:53 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I think any number of people in therapy experience the foo as obscene.
|
|
#5
Apr 06, 2012, 04:55 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It doesn't sound like every holiday is the same since you are NOT pushing things down any longer. Things are shifting as you grow, right? My own feeling is that putting on a happy face is a short-term strategy with long term consequences, like illness and depression. By NOT continuing in the denial system, you are clearing MAJOR space in your life for honesty and change.
I like SDs suggestions and use them all. I also journal. I also use essential oils (which are all useful for some specific maladies...lol) to do non-dangerous self-medicating! And then, once the holidays exit the scene, I breathe a big sigh of relief. But know that I'm supporting you as I go through this weekend. While I won't have much computer time, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts Ready.... Blessings to you, MCL |
|
#6
Apr 06, 2012, 04:56 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
1. Read some DBT materials? as I recall from my classes, there were good suggestions in the program materials for dealing with emotional family situations.
2. go to a ballgame? i'm so mad at T for not telling me my favorite team is in town! he is going to get an earful next week! I tried but couldn't find transportation. oh well, kinda chilly anyway. but all that yelling and screaming and singing is good therapy. 3. that's it, i'm out of ideas. I am just trying to eat healthy thruout the weekend. a new kosher pie place opened up in town, I got a single slice of blueberry, it was awesome, not too sweet. |
| BonnieJean
|
|
#7
Apr 06, 2012, 05:03 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It's not so much my FOO as my wife's FOO. Apart from feeling excluded, I'm triggered by all the baggage they carry. The same old injuries come up again and again but they never get any closer to resolution.
Last Christmas I had to take time out twice and go for a long walk once.
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
| Anonymous59365
|
|
#8
Apr 06, 2012, 09:03 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I hear you loud and clear. FOO drives me crazy (literally) This year, my husband and I will stay home alone. Our daughters will come over after they have dinner at SIL and Bro's house. It still hurts.
|
| Anonymous100300
|
|
#9
Apr 06, 2012, 09:15 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#10
Apr 06, 2012, 10:22 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
t said when things get tense, play with the kids... works well
and not such a good coping skill, i always take a xanax before leaving.. make me feel like "things happen, i just don't care as much" good luck to you... i'm taking my kids to my mom's for pie... then back home 
|
|
#11
Apr 07, 2012, 02:22 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Try not to hang around in the same constellation or space, find something that has changed or bring up conversation that is different (neighborhood gossip or something that would not be the same as it was), go for a walk, hang with someone that is not toxic in a different room rather than with the main group, talk to mostly younger members of the family that weren't around yet, etc.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
|
#12
Apr 07, 2012, 09:11 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
yeah this is all why i'm not going back yet. I told my counselor friend, i'll go back when I know what to say, when I know who I am, when I can hang on to who I am. they all seem to just brush that away, they see that ghost hankster - wow, yeah, it really is like an out-of-body experience, only a permanent one! I get warning calls from my mother's sister who says stuff like, yeah well don't wait TOO long...! I know she will have nothing but venom for me. that's all she ever had, and it can only be growing now. i'm no fool. i'm at peace, finally. all I wanted was a little hug, a little attention, a little love. but no.
|
| Anonymous100300, karebear1
|
|
#13
Apr 07, 2012, 09:54 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I haven't fallen into the abyss of darkness yet. I am fighting it. My one sister and her family came back 'home" and are staying with my other sister. They all had dinner last night and invited us to come. I had to work yesterday and couldn't make it to the dinner
. She picked my kids up so they could visit with their cousins and my husband went to pick them up. Day 1 of holiday weekend...successful with avoidance. My kids have sports activities so that takes care of this morning. Of course I have all kinds of chores to do like hard boiling eggs and laundry and cleaning and PC this mornings so I should be good till 2 or 3pm. Its not that anyone of my FOO is "bad" or "horrible" its the constant pretending.... they pretend that our childhoods were normal... that it was not abusive... and 4 of my siblings have the act down pat and my one sister and I (ironically the only two that have gone to therapy) can't do it anymore. That sister can't be around everyone yet...too angry. But its the dysfunctional family ways that you learn. You can't just talk about things. Everyone checks with everyone else about a family member.... they don't call that person and just ask directly... My one sister (the one in therapy) is leaving her emotionally abusive husband and I seem to be the only one who is speaking to her so they will want me to talk and I'll tell them to ask her and then its just ackward... I have a counselor friend and typically she is the one that I dump all of my dark depressed feelings onto...but not this holiday. I didn't think I could not contact her so I erased all of her contact info from my phone.... (and I don't have her number memorized)... I told her to send me her contact info on Tuesday when I should be back to "normal"... Anyway... I don't have any anxiety medicine to take before I go but I sure have been self medicating with food! One thing at a time... I guess |
| pbutton
|
|
#14
Apr 07, 2012, 10:23 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
While I don't think I have to deal with anything near some peoples' levels of FOO, I find that things that really improve my mood are caffeine and music. I don't know if that's just a personal thing, but it might be universal. One minute I'm totally dragging, and then you get a can of Diet Coke in me and I'm..... basically on cloud nine. It really helps me through some dark times. And then music always serves to help pump me up a bit for the extreme challenges. Don't know if these are viable/reasonable/helpful at all but that's usually how I cope with day to day life.
|
| CantExplain
|
|
#15
Apr 07, 2012, 06:53 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Sometimes I take a break, leave the house, and go for a walk.
|
|
#16
Apr 08, 2012, 12:27 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Dealing with FOO on the holidays--
I agree--play with the kids or better yet, the dog! |
|
#17
Apr 08, 2012, 12:30 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
...and perna reminded me...bring up politics or religion....watch fireworks ensue...then slink away to play with kids or dog!
|
|
#18
Apr 08, 2012, 07:19 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I am not a prisoner to "holidays" nor to my FOO. I live my life as I see fit.
|
| BonnieJean
|
|
#19
Apr 08, 2012, 07:33 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#20
Apr 08, 2012, 09:09 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
The good new is - brother tricked me this time, he called later (just when you think you're out, they suck you back in!). But THANK YOU ESKIE LOVER and Marsha Linehan, eskie posted a dbt summary recently and it said, don't lie - so I answered the phone and told him I had a sore throat - totally true. I know he does not want me blowing cooties on his baby boy (late 20's) so all is cool! I feel fine - except for being kinda sick.
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
