how much detail is necessary

stopdog, don't feed yourself that crap! you didn't deserve it. it isn't weak to feel pain about it, in whatever form you feel or carry that pain in you. and not much sense in minimizing your experiences by saying 'not that bad' - if it caused you hurt, damaged you in long-lasting ways, affected you negatively, it was bad enough. working hard on healing is not whining.
sometimes, I read details people share, particularly CSA, and I think, oh, my experiences weren't that bad. and sometimes I think, people went through worse things than me, far worse, and here I am, more screwed up than they, how dare I think I really suffered much or endured much or had anything very bad. I get pissed at what I perceive to be self-pity in myself, and I hate it; but recognizing your own pain and suffering is not necessarily self-pity.
some people would have found my home a paradise in comparison to theirs, I think! but it was no paradise for me and it was hurtful to my spirit/mind and left long-term marks on me..... and that's all that matters, not comparing it someone else's experience or minimizing it.

My T wants details. She says its necessary. I try, but always dissociate & switch.

MCL how did you get past the "robot" or "joking" stage? I don't do it consciously so how did you move past it? practically?

Yes - even if I don't say the jokes aloud - I think them. And not saying or thinking the joke does not mean I feel differently.

I have done this, too.
T1 would tell me about my flat affect, or that I told things mostly in such a dry, matter of fact, calm and controlled way. I think at first she thought it wasn't such a big deal and that it meant I really had dealt with it well. But then later, many months later, she found it more inappropriate, that I should have the same affect when going through intense relationship struggles, nasty med side effects, severe depression/suicidality. In between that time, she worked to get me to quit intellectualizing everything and feel my feelings ...... well, when I began to feel my feelings they nearly killed me, and my face still didn't show the agony I was in!
***trigger for SU mention***
In the hospital, they had a great concern over my inappropriate affect too .... apparently, smiling when talking about trying to hang yourself is not considered normal. I had this idea it was a strong, brave, or sort of sad, melancholy smile sort of expression, but that's not what it looked like. It looked like I was happy about being so miserable I wanted to off myself.
So then I worked really hard to not smile or giggle nervously when talking about my stuff .... the hosp people still thought my affect was abnormal. But I recall T1 saying, thank you for not smiling when you said that......
Sheesh, I hate remembering this stuff....

So who is the "real" topdog"? if money were no object, would you have chosen a different profession? Did you ever take a career interest test and get surprising results? they are avail online, you could try one. who is stopdog when she lets loose and goes wild? I am asking these questions because I wonder - at what cost do you maintain this placid lifestyle? these are thought starters, maybe someone else can see where I am going with this?

When I did trauma work in the past, the therapist I was seeing said she needed to have the big picture or all the fine little detail depending of the need during therapy. I stayed on the big picture for the work we did together and it worked all right for me. I was able to connect with the events in my past without the details. She said whatever works with each patient.
So big picture worked for me.

In my case we are talking about 10+ years of stuff- I am deeply grateful for any small detail that my mind choose to forget.
So I just tell him the things I remember (and feel like sharing them with my T)- without pushing it. I don't think it's much helpful/possible to reconstruct the whole acts- my 2 cents, anyway.
I would ask him again and require a good answer. However, I don't think he's reasons are pervy.

I got over joking when my T didn't laugh. Little embarrassing to think something is "funny"/okay when the other person doesn't crack a smile. I always use the abrupt, large, discrepencies in what I'm thinking and "see" or what I'm feeling and another exhibits, etc.

Fantasies of slashing my T's tires, using a switchblade (I'd be afraid to even handle one, that I might cut myself :-) road rage, just things that don't match my normal behavior, thoughts, or feelings or those that I see around me clue me in that something is seriously not right

All the career testing came out lawyer/academic in the choices. And I kind of like it.

I have a motorcycle and I like to white water kayak.
And sometimes I eat mexican food. With tequila instead of beer.

Maybe you're just tolerating life because you don't feel positive feelings, you want to get rid of all your feelings, or something like that, I forgot exactly what you said. But it sounds like what you're doing in therapy must be on the way to changing that.

I think I feel positive feelings. I was already like this before therapy. I don't think anything has changed in a year and a half or so. I would excise all the unapproved not rationally based in real time feelings, but I have not figured out how.

I will probably see if more detail does anything. I don't hold out much hope. Which is good because hope is highly annoying.

i think you said you'd give up all feelings to get rid of the bad ones, which I suppose are the "unapproved not rationally based in real time" ones, if you could. i think you probably do miss some of the good ones to suppress the bad ones.

i'm not generally too big on hope either. but I'm glad you're probably going to see if more detail does anything.

I would give them all up. It is, sadly, not possible. So I have to settle for making them not irrational.

i do this laughing thing a lot. for me i know sometimes its a nervous laugh. other times i dont realize it subconscious til later.

Perhaps the idea is that you might find that colour triggering?
Of course if you don't find it triggering, the question is a waste of time.

But my intuition tells me this isn't the real reason for going into details.
I think the real point is to make you relive the events as fully as possible so you can process them.

Well I guess this is the point. The hope is that by remembering the detail you will find out how you feel.

Put crudely, your T hopes you will trigger yourself.

I'm not sure any therapist worth their salt would seek to trigger us. It is just cruel. I'm sure they would prefer to manage it in such a way that was easiest for us to talk about. I think it's about ensuring that our ability to cope and process is not overwhelmed.

Stopdog, if you think what happened to you as a child is contributing to how you feel now, then it likely is.

I don't think you need to relive it, be re-traumatized (or whatever) by it, but I do think you can talk about it. It might help reveal patterns of behaviour that you don't care for. That really aren't of your choice, but reactive in nature.

I think I'm pretty safe in saying that no one has ever had a perfect childhood. Some of us had more than less than perfect. It happens. we move on, or carry it with us until we are finished with the weight and shrug it off.

If you think something is wrong, then it's likely that something is. Doesn't mean you will be able to say "A ha! It's that one thing. THAT'S what is causing it" That also rarely happens IMO.

Bottom line, I think if you want to talk about it, then talk about it. If not, then don't. Talk about your life and what you experience now. Both can be probative and productive. Try to let go of how you should feel, and look at how you actually do right now. It may not be rational, but you can take a rational, distant approach from it and see things you didn't think were there.

Sometimes it helps if there is another person in the room to listen and offer alternative explanations. Even if they are dead wrong.

The problem is I don't know what is wrong as there is no reason for anything to be wrong. I want to talk about whatever it is I need to talk about to quit feeling bad for no reason. I do not know what that is. I do not have a desire to talk about anything with the therapist. I am willing to talk about whatever is necessary to talk about to quit feeling this bad. I just wondered if detail was useful and how.

no reason for anything to be wrong? or just that it appears that there is no reason in your life right now that answers the question as to why you feel something is wrong.
if something feels wrong, does it really matter if there's anything that presents itself as a legitimate, acceptable, concrete reason in your immediate environment ? well, maybe that's not the best question to ask you! because I think, with the way you think (or that you seem to think as I perceive from your posts) is that you would prefer to see a concrete, practical, logical reason, a tangible reason ....
but even if there isn't a reason that appears in that form right now, doesn't mean there isn't a reason ..... but it's perhaps a more emotional reason, a deep core belief reason, a reason in your mind rooted to events in that past, to emotional/behavior patterns established long ago.

when I went through my breakdown last summer, my H was mad .... mad that I said I was miserable. he said, what reason do you have to feel miserable?! look at all you have, 4 beautiful children, a nice home filled with nice things, you can get whatever you want, you have privileges, I provide well for you, you are intelligent/talented/pretty ..... you have no reason to feel or be miserable! well, based on my natural environment, my possessions, etc, I had no reason ...... but the reasons I was miserable and sick had nothing to do with my natural circumstances, but my emotional/mental ones ..... and those reasons weren't easy to comprehend, not by logic anyway, because they defied logic and reason and rationality. but they were there and they were real anyway.....

Well that would annoy me.

well, yes, I see that it would! but that might fit into that unapproved feeling category that might actually be important for you to take a look at instead of rejecting it. you might see the answer in there as to why something feels wrong and you feel bad, and then you might quit feeling bad if you face it and face it down.

I don't know, but I think if you want someone to tell you what is necessary to talk about, then you maybe left wanting. For you, I don't know if details will help or not.

I hit things with glancing blows and it was enough.

Again, I would try to quit saying there is no reason for anything to be wrong. That is not reality based to me. If something is wrong, then something is wrong. Period. Until you can put some words what/why it's there, I think you are going to have to do some trial and error.

And that kinda sucks.

But other times you think differently?

Imagine the look on Stopdog's face if her therapist ever calls her "Sweetie"!