through my T's eyes

I am glad it went well

That's so cool Granite! I have never sat in T's chair, that would be very eye-opening I think!

they sure can.i think everyone should try this now especially when they think there T is shoving them in the corner.

i had a picture in my head of how i looked to her probibly mixed up with how i felt and things from my past,and a lot of anger and fear.and for some reason sitting in my T chair and seeing how she looked sitting in MY chair chainged that pic i had of me in my head.it was so differnt from what i thought she saw .what i thought she saw was this angry tempertantruming child needing to be pushed in the corner and dealt with.that was so not true

today i think my T ia awsome.i can not believe how much calmer and relieved i am.i didn't think i could feel this way ever again it was something so simple but it worked i am just amazed and now want her to do this with every thought i have.you know just make it all good and ok.

i would have never thought it would work.in fact at first when she got up and asked me to go sit in her chair i shook my head violently no and she had to get kind of stern and say i want you to see something so will you please try. i didn't want to look up either but i did and it was so differnt that is all i can say.and i loved being able to end the session LOL maybe i should have made her late for switching chairs LOL.

it kind of freaked me at first until i looked around and it really did change things not just in my head but in my heart also that is what is so amazing..she had told me she wasn't mad and she wasn't putting the chair in the corner and in my head i had no choice but to believe her but in my heart it was different i didn't believe her i just accepted it as it is what it is and wanted to move on.i felt i would feel she was punishing me until the day i died and it wasn't going to change and needed to move on .WHO KNEW.that simple thing really changed how i felt along with what i knew. BTW you sound like you are very good at your job.coming from someone who basically grew up in residential treatment homes ,i like the way you think

i am so unbelievably relieved.i have not felt this light in a long time it seems like forever.i really feel like she isn't angry at me at all and it is a good feeling and not so scary
at the time i was so serious about wanting to let it go and was so terrified that she wouldn't.but now i can hear her saying OH NO thats not going to happen.and i smile I'm glad she didn't either .it did take some convincing on her part but it worked out THIS TIME.one thing i remember her saying about me talking about the stuff in my head is that she looks at it as material and that is all.that she isn't going to judge me on what i say .that it is all just material she can use to help me and that is it.at that time i found it comforting but now i am kind of thinking it isn't just material to me it is scary.ya i think i will keep her for a bit longer lol

i do feel quite good today like i can take on the world and i am going to Young tonight so i have something to look forward to today.i think today will also be a good day .ya sometimes i am forced to think my T isn't all that bad either. when i give her the chance.sometimes i make her work so hard but she seems to always know what will work when i seem to not Be able to take any more.

she is an amazing and very hard working T .i just wish that i could always give her the credit she deserves .sometimes I'm not so nice but hey that is why i go see her.now if i could always remember this when i think she hates me and wants to hurt me

it was so very comforting in the end .it was so cool.i get so scared when she tells me that what i think isn't always real.it makes me question the reality of my past.did the mother not hate me?was she really as bad as i THOUGHT she was or PERCEIVED she was.i am scared that she will feel this way when i know so deeply how things were. what will i do if she says it wasn't real

OMG do i and i hope it lasts forever or at least until next Wednesday

i was so afraid to also it took a bit of convincing on my T part but it was so relieving to see what she saw.i wish i knew how to explain it better but you know me and words lol

i think you should try when and if you think your T is looking at you and seeing you in a particular light

I am so happy for you granite!!

What happened to us in the past with our parents WAS real. The part that doesn't become real is the today part. When we project and have transference of our past onto today, the today part isn't real but what we are projecting and transfering is very important for our healing and recovery. Your T needs this material to help you. You need to work through this material so that you can stop projecting and having transference onto today.

thanks sannah
i like hanksters idea of strawberry swirl cheesecake to describe how it is with me.everythin is mixed up in me and it is hard to seperate it in my head.past, present,to me sometimes it is all the same.it is so hard for me to tell the differance.it seems so so real and it is hard for me to hear that it isnt or to trust it isn't

But this is what needs to be worked on.

Granite, I've been thinking about you all day long today.

I'm kind of in awe with what you've been able to help yourself with and the courage you have shown over the past several months. You have truly been a really good example for me and I want you to know that because of the things you've been willing to share here, that I have been able to make some steps in my own therapy as well. I don't think I could've done as much (or little) as I've done if it hadn't been for your posting. I feel like we are close in our inability to speak- with you being a step or two ahead of me because you can post your struggles here on PC really well, and I still have a hard time doing that. But when I see you taking such HUGE steps to do what you are doing in therapy, it gives me courage to take some steps in what I am doing- therefore, I am progressing in my small way as well.

I just want to say from the bottom of my heart "Thank You" for being so selfless and sharing your thoughts here. You have helped me (and I'm sure many others) grow in ways I didn't really think were possible.

Early on I asked to swap chairs with T and she said no!

did she ever give you a reason

karebear you are so unbelievably precious. I truly believe everything you have been able to accomplish in T and in what you have been able to survive and deal with in you life comes from a great strength you have inside.i bet you just cant see any of that but i do and know it is there.don't sell yourself short.
as far as my courage ARE YOU KIDDING i am scared out of my mind and am spending most of my days hiding under my blanket or in my scrap room.it is all of you guys (this means you)that are always here to help me out in being able to go to T and to maybe even think about opening my mouth.i don't know what i would do if it isn't for you all reminding me that the world and my T are not the horrible things i think they are all the time.
karebear don't you see what a wonderful,caring and worthwhile person you are

Here's another thing about strawberry swirl cheesecake: inside or outside the swirl, it's all good!

No. I think at that stage she was trying to show me who was boss!

Of course. Courage means overcoming fear. No fear -> no courage.

Good work, Granite. Lots of guts. You really do have skilled and caring T.

Granite: your post made me go: .

I am so glad that you were able to talk about this with your T. I am so glad you were able to see it from her perspective and that she wasn't trying to put you in the corner. I'm glad she pushed you to talk about this even when you didn't want to and that you were willing to trust her and talk about it. It sounds like you had such a wonderful breakthrough. I am so happy for you.

thanks this week i must agree she is kind of neat isn't she

you should try it now it is definately differnt

i am wondering if i can and should tell my T about the picture i had in my head of her pushing me in the corner and how different the picture was in my head seeing it from sitting in her chair.how could i have been so wrong so convinced i know it comes from my past and it is the same scenes playing out for what ever reason but it was so real in every way i was so so convinced.anyway i am kind of scared to talk to her about it on that level and maybe it isn't that important.i mean that picture i had in my head is gone now.it has been sense she had me see how it looked from her chair.a much better picture

Granite, that's all so wonderful! I'm so glad she was able to show you her perspective and that out worked for you. I can feel excitement and relief in your words. I think you should print out the thread and highlight your feelings. Maybe even sign them to say, "yes, this is really how I felt". It might help you in the future if t starts to slide from the good side.

I have switched chairs with t, almost. I've say in her chair but I don't think she ever say in mine lol. I wonder why. I think back when she had the couch, I remember her during on it once. I always air right on the edge of her chair ready to jump out at the blink of an write. Last time she stayed beside me while I was in her chair. but this was all for something else, not because I was worried about the position of the chair. But it is nice to see the other side of the room.

If I may misquote Yoda:
Do or do not. There is no "should".

i think maybe i do not.

I think it would be a good idea to tell her. It would certainly help her undersand you better.

i actually think it would be an EXCELLENT idea to tell her, granite! ANY bit of information that she can get on how your mind works when you are triggered is so helpful. She wants to know this stuff

This is such wonderful news, granite!!!
And I'm glad you were able to gain a new perspective about the chair.