[ItchyHaunt]

I'm not sure if I should find another therapist or not. I think I need a second opinion. See, the thing is... I'm not sure if I'm going to get much out of therapy with the therapist I have now, but I've only seen her for a total of 2 sessions, so... maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm misjudging her. And maybe I'd be calling it quits too early. I don't know. But so far I'm finding it difficult to talk to her. I think some of this is simply me just having difficulty expressing myself. But some of it is just that my therapist is giving me vague answers to my questions. When I talk to her, I feel like I'm talking to a random person on the street, not a trained professional. I don't expect magic to take place, but I also expect some more specific answers to important questions.

For example I suggested that we come up with a specific plan to act on in case I relapse (dealing with a psychosis problem). I was scarred and I just wanted to know what options I have and just have something in place in case it happens again. She basically just said "call me". That's not much of a plan... It was very hard to ask about it in more depth too because the way she said it suggested that she didn't want to talk about it at that moment... I was frustrated. And I still am. I don't think she understands what I went through. I can't just "call her" and expect everything to be fine. If I go through that again, I'm going to need immediate treatment. Which means I need to think ahead of time what I am specifically to do if it happens again. I need a plan. It's very hard to carry on a phone conversation about what to do when you're going through very acute paranoid psychosis. Believe me, I've done it before and it sucked balls.

Not only is it hard to talk to her, but I just have to be honest: I feel no connection with her. I don't think we can relate to each other very well. You know how some relationships just "click" and others don't? Well, I don't feel that "click" with her.

Also she forgot my appointment. I only had 1 session with her, then on the 2nd session, she forgot about it. Turns out my appointment wasn't even on her calender. This kinda upset me. I'd understand if she forgot my name. I'd maybe even understand if she forgot an appointment. But she didn't even have my appointment on her calender... That's disappointing...

Finally, I don't know how common or uncommon it is for therapists to take notes, but the last therapist I had did, and it made me feel like she was taking the therapy seriously.

On the other hand she is nice. She also has a good sense of style in clothing too. But that's about it to be honest...

So, I don't know... Am I just judging too harshly? Am I judging too soon? Or do you think I should seek out another therapist? Cause I'm not really sure... If you do think I should get another one, how do I tell my current one that without it being too awkward?

[rainbow8]

I'm not sure either, but I think you should tell your T what you posted about needing a plan more than "call me". See how she responds.

I'd be very upset about her forgetting your appointment, but it could be a one-time occurrence because you're new. Not that it ever happened to me.

If you liked everything about her and you said you didn't click, I'd say to give it a few more sessions. It doesn't seem like a promising relationship, though. I still think you should give her a couple more sessions, or at least one to ask her again, about wanting a plan.

My current T takes notes only when we do EMDR; I don't think most Ts take them. They want to have eye contact with the client, and it's distracting to take notes.

Good luck whatever you decide!

If you decide to switch, you can just tell her that you don't think it's a good fit. You don't have to say more than that.

[geez]

My first T I saw for almost 4 years and I felt a click right away and I miss her. My second T is the one I'm seeing now. I've been to three appointments and I think she's really smart but I don't know if it's a fit because it isn't a fit or because I miss my old T and I'm finding it hard to want to open up to a new T. I'm going to wait it out a few more appointments before I decide.

It wouldn't hurt for you to call some other T's and see how they are. If you aren't interested in them then keep looking while you see if things work out with this new T. Keep us posted!

[critterlady]

The two therapists I've had that were really helpful clicked with me right away. The one that didn't work didn't. I gave her 3 sessions and bailed.

I think you know pretty quickly if you have a connection or not. I also think the connection is really important and if I don't feel it, it's not going to work for me.

[stopdog]

I have been going to the same one for a year and a half and I have no idea whether there is a connection or not.

[Chopin99]

It wouldn't hurt to keep looking. Her lack of concern related to having a crisis plan bothers me. I would usually suggest giving someone a chance (because sometimes it takes a while to "click"), but "call me" sounds a bit oblivious. Good luck!

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by ItchyHaunt

I'm not sure if I should find another therapist or not. ....I've only seen her for a total of 2 sessions, so... maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm misjudging her. And maybe I'd be calling it quits too early. ....I think some of this is simply me just having difficulty expressing myself. ....When I talk to her, I feel like I'm talking to a random person on the street, not a trained professional. ...I also expect some more specific answers to important questions.

..have something in place in case it happens again. She basically just said "call me". That's not much of a plan... ...it suggested that she didn't want to talk about it at that moment... I need a plan. It's very hard to carry on a phone conversation...when you're going through very acute paranoid psychosis.

I just have to be honest: I feel no connection with her. I don't think we can relate to each other very well. You know how some relationships just "click" and others don't? Well, I don't feel that "click" with her.

Also she forgot my appointment. ..my appointment wasn't even on her calender. This kinda upset me.

Finally, I don't know how common or uncommon it is for therapists to take notes, but the last therapist I had did, and it made me feel like she was taking the therapy seriously.

So, I don't know... Am I just judging too harshly? Am I judging too soon?

Hi Itchy..

Gosh - your dilemma here really *got* to me. Here's what I'd like to contribute..

I understand about wanting to feel an immediate "click," and it sounds like there are a number of details that have created some obstacles. You've got some legitimate concerns. That said - I could have easily ditched the therapist I've had for the last four years for the same reasons you are having second thoughts about yours. If I hadn't hung in there though, I would have missed out on *the* therapeutic relationship of all time - the one that brought me back from the walking dead.

I want to address each of your concerns, and offer other possibilities:

I was in a very toxic *therapeutic* relationship that turned me inside-out and retraumatized me to the point that I felt I wouldn't survive. And believe it or not, I feared he would dump me.. so I got a referral from a friend who is a psychiatrist. I didn't tell him about what was going on in therapy, I just wanted a phone number in my pocket in case my toxic therapist dumped me. What I didn't anticipate, is that my friend called me the next week to check up on me.. so I felt obligated to set up an apt with the therapist he referred me to. I thought "well, I guess at least I should meet the therapist I'll fall on if I get dumped by the one I'm trying to work things out with." My point is, that I didn't even really want to be there. So I went to that first apt, and just went through all the basic stuff. I didn't feel connected. There was no "click." I kept going back because I felt obligated, and I didn't know how to explain that I already had a therapist and things were screwed up. It took time - it actually took going through problems together - that forged the bond I needed. My point is that not clicking initially does not mean the relationship will end up hollow.

Another thing is there was a lot of contrast between them. Both had their PhD's in clinical psychology, but my toxic therapist had all the trappings of "success." Fancy office, everything extremely professional, he is early 40's, extremely handsome, and dressed to project a very competent image. But he failed me therapeutically. The therapist who brought me back to life is older, kind of over weight, and dressed nice, but not expensively at all. Sometimes wore overly casual clothes. Other aspects of her set-up were also kind of unconventional.

My toxic therapist took fastidious notes. I didn't know any other way to do it.. so I never questioned it. But the therapist who offered me a healing relationship never took a single note. I later found out that after each session she wrote a brief summary of the basics. How I experienced it, though, was that every second of every session, she was attuned to me. She looked into my eyes.. she picked up on a lot of nuances that my previous therapist missed. She could tell there were tears before they fell - and she always gave me room to talk about what was behind it. If she'd had her head down paying attention to her scribbles, a lot of magic would not have happened.

Oh.. and also.. it wasn't the second week, but rather the 3rd week that she "forgot" an appointment with me. Same thing - didn't make it to the calendar. When I got there - and after 15 min she hadn't shown up - I thought maybe I'd messed up. My previous therapist blamed me for everything, so I was absolutely terrified as I called her to find out. When she answered, I told her I probably was mistaken, but I thought we were supposed to meet. She was mortified - she remembered we were scheduled - and she took full responsibility and said she would not charge for our next session. It was a powerful experience, because my other therapist never took responsibility for anything. Down the road during a session of reflection, we had a good laugh about it. She described her mortification, because forgetting an appointment was supposed to be about the Worst thing a therapist could do. I told her that in my case, it was therapeutic because of how she handled it.

Last thing I want to tell you is that I understand why you feel so strongly about needing a plan. But when she said "Call me," what you might be missing is that she is offering herself to you in a big way. She may not yet know enough about your situation to understand that you need a more specific plan. So your job is to tell her.. describe for her how things go for you in psychosis.. and why you need a very specific plan that is spelled out ahead of time. If you have ideas about what might work, make those suggestions! The important thing is to work it out together.

I think you should give it some more time. And tell her how you interpreted her "Call me" answer. Give her a chance to clarify her intent. It's always possible that she just isn't the right therapist for you.. but I would encourage you to not make that decision too soon, because she might be just who you need.

Take care.. and I look forward to seeing how it develops if you decide to hang in there with her!

Crescent Moon

The plan of action in case of relapse will probably take more than two sessions to develop. She has very little information about you to go on, so it may take some time. You will need to really go into some detail about the symptoms you experience, who might be available to you as support like family or friends, what hospital you prefer to work through if it comes to that, etc. That is all information you need to provide to her if she is to come up with a really useful plan of action. Bring this up again with some ideas of what you might like to see happen and what would not work for you. It can take some time to really truly know how a client "ticks", but being proactive about getting her the needed information and insisting on a concrete plan should help the process along. If it doesn't though, you might then consider different options for a T.

Not getting your appointment in the books was probably an error due to your being new. Ask her to double check her schedule just to make sure you are on it.

Some T's take notes; others don't. My T does most of his note taking between clients. The only time he looks at his notes or writes in them during session is at the very beginning as he always charts my mood and he glances at his notes from the previous appointment as a quick reminder. Once he's done that, he lays them aside for the remainder of the session.

Give it a bit more time. Two sessions is really quick to write off a T unless she is blatantly off the wall.

[WikidPissah]

It usually takes more than 2 sessions to find a "click", but if your feeling is just negative right away follow your instincts and look for another T.

[likewater]

I've been helped by T's i clicked and didnt click with but usually the clicker ones help more. :-)

[ItchyHaunt]

Wow, guys! I wasn't expecting so many answers - and such high quality answers at that! Thanks so much! I think your answers have helped me see some things I didn't see at first. I'm still not totally sure what I'm going to do in the long run, but I won't terminate our relationship just yet. I might give it 3 more sessions to see where it goes. I think maybe I was just freaking out a little. I hope. The worse that could happen is I waste a little bit of time. Although I'll admit I kinda need that time right now... Eh... Well, anyways thanks!