[ladyjane4rent]

Ah, I found the right thread to put this under.
I have been seeing my therapist for a little over a month. Initially it was to quit drinking [sober 31 days] but as I learned how to stay sober I had to deal with a sudden burst of ptsd from things from my past. THEN we convered why I kept drinking all these years.. things like my mom was a terrible influence/mother/ life teacher etc, my family this and that.. things like that. But now I just feel bad about it all.. like.. I could have grown up with being addicted to something [first cutting, then pills, then pot, then drinking] I could have had a normal childhood, I could have had a father and a normal family and a normal life, I could have gone to a real college and experience that, I could have done so many things. But she was never there is guide me. Anyway.. she keeps pushing me to think about how I feel when I think about the things that gave me ptsd and right now I am doing pretty darn good keeping those thoughts away. If I force myself to think about it then I just get said or snappy at people [like my daughter or fiance] and I don't want that. I think it is best to rest the source of everything and put therapy on hold for a while. I feel like I can benefit from a break. But I am nervous about what she is going to think.. Does anyone have thoughts on any of this?? Please and thank you so much.

[CantExplain]

I think you have excellent reasons to continue with therapy.

It's painful to face your past, but if you don't, it will come back to bite you.

[rainboots87]

I think now would be a great time to continue with therapy. Speaking from experience, ignoring the issue or brushing under the rug for the temporary relief only makes it that much worse later on. Right now I'm really struggling with a certain issue and get very overwhelmed by the intensity of my emotions surrounding it. So today I asked my T how can I handle addressing/discussing such difficult topics with falling into a pit of overwhelm. It was actually very helpful; maybe you could ask your T the same question. Also, now would be a time you'd want more support, not less.

[ladyjane4rent]

Thank you both. Ha, I wasn't expecting that response! I thought now would be the perfect time for a break... I have my emotions under control.. I think. I am not having anxiety attacks, I am bettering my social anxiety, I don't have angry fits of soberness screaming for a drink. I guess I am just in the process of figuring out my past and looking at things without the rosy glasses. So... you don't suggest a break at all then? I am keen to follow advice where given.. it more like this community motivates me than anything else.

Thanks

[Snuffleupagus]

Congrats on your 31 days. My partner and I got sober 4 1/2 years ago off weed and alcohol. I still feel newly sober because I used and drank a lot longer than I've been sober. I'm still learning how. I got sober through AA, but I've seen a therapist as well the whole time. I know AA isn't for everyone, so if your therapist is the main resource for your sobriety and you click, stick with her. Whether you can successfully avoid your PTSD issues or not, emotions are gonna come up in everyday life that you are gonna need a guide to help you navigate or it's nearly certain that one day turning to your trusty bottle is gonna seem like a damn good idea. And it's so much harder to quit than to stay quit which is no picnic either. Be very patient with yourself and give yourself every advantage by using all the resources at your disposal. I wish you the best of luck.

[ladyjane4rent]

Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus

Congrats on your 31 days. My partner and I got sober 4 1/2 years ago off weed and alcohol. I still feel newly sober because I used and drank a lot longer than I've been sober. I'm still learning how. I got sober through AA, but I've seen a therapist as well the whole time. I know AA isn't for everyone, so if your therapist is the main resource for your sobriety and you click, stick with her. Whether you can successfully avoid your PTSD issues or not, emotions are gonna come up in everyday life that you are gonna need a guide to help you navigate or it's nearly certain that one day turning to your trusty bottle is gonna seem like a damn good idea. And it's so much harder to quit than to stay quit which is no picnic either. Be very patient with yourself and give yourself every advantage by using all the resources at your disposal. I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks for that, helped me understand a little more. Congrats on your 4.5 yrs as well.
So.. what if the strong emotions are really popping up at the point right now? They could later on or even in a few days but they haven't for two weeks and every time I see her she keeps asking if I did my homework. Which is this sheet I am supposed to fill every time I get anxiety from the memories. But I haven't gotten any and I can't force myself to get them thus the sheet is blank and there is less to focus on [in that area anyway] during our meetings. Continuing to go anyway is advised?

I did try AA, btw, went to one meeting but it was weird. I was the youngest [24] and everyone was sober 12+ years and 2 or 3 times my age. I couldn't relate to them, I couldn't even speak to them and it was very uncomfortable. Plus it is kinda the only time I can go with work getting in the way of other times. So I bailed the last few weeks and my therapist gets upset at me and lectures me that I have to keep going but right now it wouldn't make a difference because I am still abstaining from drinking no matter what.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Ladyjane - about the AA meetings where you felt so disconnected to the people there -

the WeightWatchers people have meetings too, and I know that some meetings are constructed specifically for people who have a lot to lose, as they say. Nothing is more demoralizing than to need to lose say 50 lbs, and sit through a WW meeting where people 30 yrs younger start whining about having to lose 3 lbs......
So I'm thinking, it's quite possible that AA might have meetings that are geared to younger people. Could you (or even yr T) look into that?

Hugs to you, this is hard work. Hang in there.

[elliemay]

Congratulations on your 30 days sober. I'm not sure that it is a good idea for you to quit therapy right now if it is helping you in some way to stay sober.

However, I do think the therapy could be changed a little bit perhaps? Maybe talk about other things - daily stressors, things that are happening in your life right now, and how to process those things? It may help you better at this time rather than delving into the past? Trust me, the past isn't going anywhere, whereas the now is really all that matters perhaps?

Maybe it's just me, but I think right now should be a time for celebration for you and your new life after alcohol. You're on a real winning streak right now - good for you! You're doing it!

[WikidPissah]

I agree with every one else. THe 30 days is fantastic...good job...but I think it's a little soon to try and go it alone. Take the help, you deserve it.

[ladyjane4rent]

Originally Posted by elliemay

Congratulations on your 30 days sober. I'm not sure that it is a good idea for you to quit therapy right now if it is helping you in some way to stay sober.

However, I do think the therapy could be changed a little bit perhaps? Maybe talk about other things - daily stressors, things that are happening in your life right now, and how to process those things? It may help you better at this time rather than delving into the past? Trust me, the past isn't going anywhere, whereas the now is really all that matters perhaps?

Maybe it's just me, but I think right now should be a time for celebration for you and your new life after alcohol. You're on a real winning streak right now - good for you! You're doing it!

Thank you, those words mean so much to me. "Trust me, the past isn't going anywhere" That gave me a little laugh, it is true. I like this idea of talking about different things for now, that will work good.

Thank you everyone for your input, it really helped me think different things over. I actually found an acrylic painting class in my neighborhood at the same time as my therapy. It is a four week long class and I discussed it with my therapist and we agreed I should go, since art is a therapy for me. Maybe will post my painting in four weeks. ;-)