feeling off

granite1 · May 08, 2012, 02:51 PM

i don't know what to do with myself.i just feel anxious and totally uneasy.i think it is because i have T tomorrow. it isn't a full blown panic like i get sometimes but just uneasy.last session we were talking about how i view the world and people. that alone is hard for me to talk about but then she said one sentence that hasn't left me. she said my reaction to people is because this is what was done to me

.I DON"T TALK ABOUT THAT STUFF so how do you know . I'm so scared she is going to want to talk about this stuff.she has been talking more about these kind of things and saying these kinds of things more .i am scared that she thinks because i am using more words that i feel OK about talking or hearing about these things.THAT ISN'T TRUE it hurts and also makes me feel so bad and panicky.i couldn't even write here about last weeks session because i was and am so scared and confused by things she is saying and things i am thinking. i end up just spending most of my time just trying to be OK and to keep being able to use words in T and all. how can i do this

karebear1 · May 08, 2012, 03:04 PM

I have asked myself all those questions granite- and I don;t have the answers either. All I know is I just keep going, adn something happens that makes it possible for growth to happen.

I don't think T knows your story exactly, but I think she probably has a pretty good understanding of you, just based on your behavior ("Good or bad"). You know- the way she observes you when you're sitting there quietly and when you're talking. The way you respond to things she says... those are all clues to you and what kinds of things you have possibly been through in your life. I think T's see a lot- and learn from what thye see in other people and then connect those admitted behaviors to others they see gtat might not talk about it. My T knows me pretty well, and she just started hearing things from me about my past.

That's about asll the guesses I have for now. Sorry I don't know much more.

WikidPissah · May 08, 2012, 05:01 PM

You don't have to talk about that stuff until you think you can. If T pushes it too much you can always shake your head no and she'll get the picture.

Wren_ · May 08, 2012, 06:53 PM

granite

can you let her know the last part of what you wrote here?

rainbow8 · May 08, 2012, 07:18 PM

Just because you're talking to your T now does not mean you are going to jump off the diving board! It's true like the others said that you can tell her to go slower, that you can't answer all of her questions now.

She knows you for a long time and even though you haven't talked, you've "said" a lot. You're safe with your T. Take your time and try not to worry.

Fixated · May 08, 2012, 09:33 PM

Definitely feel free to tell your T if she is pushing to much or if you want to slow down.

sittingatwatersedge · May 09, 2012, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

then she said one sentence that hasn't left me. she said my reaction to people is because this is what was done to me

.I DON"T TALK ABOUT THAT STUFF so how do you know .

Granite - this happened to me too - but then I remembered that T2 has >25 yrs of working with trauma people - she recognizes the long term effects very easily. that's how she knows.

Once I realized that, I actually felt better; here is someone who gets it without having figure out why things are they way they are with me. It gave me more confidence in her, too; she has heard a lot of stories, has helped a lot of people, in all those years.

Do you think you might gain the same confidence, if you work on it?