[WikidPissah]

Sorry if the title alone triggered you...it sure as heck triggers me.

Just got back from the pharmacy where they had that evil card display. The one with no card's that say "Thanks for all the neglect and abuse, you're one of a kind". For all of you that have gone No Contact with your FOO, I applaud you. You are brave and strong and I totally admire that you did that. Me...not so brave or strong. Mom isn't my primary abuser, but she neglected us and withheld even the smallest form of love. I have cared for her my whole life. I am totally responsible for her well being and happiness. Funny, I didn't start hating her until I started T 6 yrs ago. She's 82 and feeble. She doesn't live with me (tg) but I have to maintain her large home on a daily basis. She can bathe herself, cook for herself...etc...for now, but I know whats coming. Her Driving is limited and her mind is going. It's a buttload of work to do for someone you loathe. And of course there are the constant insults and innuendos about what a bad person I am and how nothing I do is right. My siblings don't give a crap....sometimes I can get my brother to do a weekend, but she will call me the entire weekend and tell my brother nasty things about me.

Anyways....I found a card that doesn't lie. The cover says "A mother's love means so much to a little girl" the inside says "it means a lot to a big girl too". No where does it say thanks for the love, or you gave me that love...etc. I am giving her a statement, because I know damn well she doesn't have a clue what a mother's love would have done for me. She won't get it, but I will and it's a secret jab that gives me pleasure.

[Sannah]

Yeah, finding the appropriate card..... I never choose one that lies either.

Most of the time when its Mother's or Father's Day I'm either standing at the card display cursing under my breath or in tears... I've started not giving cards cause I couldn't find one that doesn't lie...so I just have my kids pick out a card for grandmom.... and I don't give my mom one. But sometimes when I'm feeling very strong... strong enough to read through the mush, I can find one that doesn't really say anything... those are the best...

The one for this year says, "thanks for the tender, loving care." My daughter picked it up and looked at it and said, "is this sarcastic?" Me, "Yep." I doubt my mother will get it, but the rest of the family will. I searched a really long time for an honest card, but just couldn't find any. So, going with sarcastic for this year.

I'm going to find something cute at the dollar store and put the gift and the card in the mail. Even though I live next door. I told her repeatedly that if she wanted to see me, she just needed to call and tell me that my sister and her husband aren't home and that I can come by. I told her that if she didn't call, I would assume that she see didn't wish to see me. She hasn't called. I even had my daughter take ginger snaps that I made up to her yesterday. Still no call - not even a quick one to say thank you.

[unaluna]

mkac, mother's day is NEXT sunday???

Originally Posted by hankster

mkac, mother's day is NEXT sunday???

I know. Sent the cookies up just because I was making them anyway and they're her favorites. Still need to mail the card and present in time for them to get thru the postal system (really slow out here).

[WikidPissah]

I don't know why Hallmark or American Greetings hasn't caught onto the idea that we need more generic non-lovey-dovey cards on the displays. There is always the joke card, but life with mom was no joke, and I refuse to make puns at childish ways when they weren't allowed in my life. Maybe I should start a T card company:

Outside:......................................................................... Inside:
Parents do the best they can..........................................Your best didn't cut it, but Happy Mothers Day.
You were never really mommy-ish...................................Happy Non mommy-ish Day
I remember when you were never there.........................Can we go back to that?
I have a mom sized hole in my heart...............................Thanks for that
Here's your Mothers Day Card.........................................now shove it up your ----

[sarahplainandshort]

I'm no contact with FOO. This is my first mother's day since going no contact. I don't feel brave or strong. A little relieved, maybe. A little guilty, and very guilty about not feeling MORE guilty, if that makes sense.

Here's what my fantasy mother's day card would say:

Outside: "Thanks, Mom!"
Inside: "For not actually killing me."

Instead, I will enjoy spending mother's day with my kiddos. This year, for the first time, it's about me.

[ECHOES]

My mother is gone, but I used to pick a card that was about me. A card that said what kind of mother I WISHED I would have had.
Sometimes it was so far from the truth, it was kind of funny to me.
That my mother believed it and displayed the card (as far as I was told, I was 1,000 miles away) was okay. She was old and I like making people happy if I can, which is about me, too.

[WikidPissah]

I get it echos. There are times when I see my mom as a little old lady that just needs patience and kindness. She is so lonely. I guess that's why I still visit and care for her.

I understand. Mother's day is such a hard day and so complicated.

[Snuffleupagus]

How about a nice understated:

Outside: You're my mother.

Inside: Here's a card.

No decorations, no hearts, just sans serif text.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus

How about a nice understated:

Outside: You're my mother.

Inside: Here's a card.

No decorations, no hearts, just sans serif text.

yea, that would work.

[Sannah]

OMG Wikid, I loved your mother's day cards! LOL!

[Sannah]

If I sent my mom a sarcastic card she would believe it. She has fantasies that she was the best mom ever, her narcissistic interpretation of reality that was way off.

My mother's birthday is also on mother's day. Really cannot figure out what to do. If I don't go, she will bad mouth me to EVERYONE and this is a small town. If I do go, she will think it "proves" that she was right all along and my sister and brother in law didn't do anything wrong, and she shouldn't have to call me or be civil to me. [I know that's how her brain works.] No matter what I do, it's going to be wrong somehow.

[WikidPissah]

I understand that MCAC....I can't ever do it right either. If I screw up I will have 6 siblings breathing down my neck....6 siblings that don't bother with her at all.

[linda24]

I have some problems regarding Mother's day too. Instead of card I was looking for a poem to write in a simple card. But all the poems were like - thank you for bringing me up, loving, caring, I love you, I am grateful... etc. And since I have seen her only once since she left me after I was born, these poems don't fit at all. It makes me really sad. We live in different countries and now I found out that in her country Mother's day is in November, not in May. So I'd better write something/make a card for my T, who is closer to being a mother figure to me than anyone else has ever been.

I have been thinking about giving some nice flowers to my T for Mother's day. Not sure how she would react, though.

[rainbow8]

My Mom died more than 25 years ago and I miss her so it's hard for me too, though in a different way. I wish I had a mother to send a card to. I have my daughters and they have me though.

I'm very, very sorry it's such a hard day for so many of you.
linda, giving a card or flowers to your T is a great idea!

[likelife]

We "celebrated" Mother's Day for my mom early, because she happened to be in town last weekend. We went out to dinner, and while I was out taking my daughter to the bathroom, my H and mom somehow got on the topic of religion and the fact that neither he nor I believe in god. My mother, who is highly religious, apparently said, "Where did I go wrong?" sadly. The topic was closed by the time I got back, and my H relayed it all to me. In typical fashion, my mom would never actually say anything to me about it. But the "Where did I go wrong?" question struck me as funny and sad. Let me count the ways...(and religion ain't anywhere on that list for me).

I would love to give my T a Mother's Day card, but I'm pretty sure she'd be appalled by it.

[SpiritRunner]

I always went for simple, generic, hope you have a wonderful day type messages - nothing sappy, sentimental, or anything that I thought would be or sound untrue. For a long time, I just didn't think it would be right to send those 'you are a wonderful mother', 'the best friend/example/support', etc ..... they didn't seem true. Wasn't my style to be so gushy anyway, nor my mom's style to send or to like stuff like that, either.
Now, my relationship with my mom is better, my mom has done kind things for me and my family over the years of my marriage, I see and appreciate the growth of character she has had over the years and I love the example of faithfulness and compassion she has shown in taking care of my dad so well in his incapacity; I do love my mom and respect her now in a way I did not before - she's earned that now. So, some cards that used to not be so true seem a little more true (but I still don't send those cards that talk about what a wonderful relationship we've always had or how you helped me so much growing up or blah blah - my feelings about my mom now and the NOW of our relationship are different, but I just am not going to put a rosy gloss on my childhood and our relationship that just wasn't there then .....)

[critterlady]

This will be the first Mother's Day since I lost my mom a few weeks ago. She wasn't a perfect mother, but I did love her dearly. It's going to be a difficult weekend, I think.

I'm sorry that so many of you have such challenging relationships with your mother.

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I know. Sent the cookies up just because I was making them anyway and they're her favorites. Still need to mail the card and present in time for them to get thru the postal system (really slow out here).

save the postage and have you daughter put it in the mail box.....

Im sorry that there are many of you who have trouble with this day. My mother lives far away and if it werent for Facebook she wouldnt even know where I live. Sometimes I want to defriend her, but at least this way Ill know if she gets sick or dies. I prefer to send something to the one who was most like a mom, my dads mom... Happy Mothers Day Grandma!

the biological,abusive mother died in 96. the counselor who was "re-parenting" us rejected us in november. we hate everything this day conotates,sorry