Intimacy

I stole this from Doogie's thread where he posted a link to a Therapist's blog that I think talked about how a T will inevitablt do something that
causes a rupture and how its part of the process and has to happen to
strengthen the intimacy in the relationship...this part stuck out to me....

"If I don’t, we probably aren’t connecting. We aren’t approaching the realm of intimacy."

It made me think.....how do therapists "go to this realm"....this deep, emotional connection thing that is always talked about.......how do they do that with client after client, session after session.

My capacity for intimacy is sooo small. How do they do that?

thats a really good question-looking forward to reading the replies. thanks for posting this! ♥

That's what we're in therapy to find out and learn

I don't think your capacity is small, struggling, just your current knowledge. Or, if you prefer, it can grow, it's not a cast iron box, more a skin.

Are you saying that everyone has the potential to be able to have that kind of intimacy with everyone they come in contact with? ahhhhh that sounds exhausting! I think i just constantly wonder.....how are they not falling asleep after the first cleint of the day? I dont doubt that T's a caring, connection, etc with clients is fake....i think its very much real and thats how im so puzzled by it....HOW ON EARTH do they find the emotional energy to do that all day everyday!

I like what you said about it being a skin.....im gonna file that in my mental file cabinet under I for Important

My T is high energy he said I need to see him as a whole person and understand he choose this profession and he knew what it he was getting into.

I asked my previous T this once..............about how doesn't the emotional energy required to be a T exhaust you at times? He said that he may not be that sensitive in other areas of his life, but he knew it was needed in here and he found it energizing.

There is a lot that Ts get personally from their interactions with clients, esp. the good Ts. They get to experience intimacy on a very personal basis........without being vulnerable or taking risks and they have the power in that situation. I think when you think of intimacy..........you might be thinking of it from the perspective of a client............meaning that it's all about you, both the good and bad. In real life situations though it is a give and take and we experience different levels of intimacy with different people based on our common interests and such. It is quite different in therapy.

I think the fact that you said this........(which I totally understand by the way)
....HOW ON EARTH do they find the emotional energy to do that all day everyday!

shows how much you appreciate your T and also how hard that is for you, like me as well. I just stopped therapy with my previous T(he's graduating), started with a new one...........and the emotional energy that transition required of myself is tough on me. I asked my previous T how he did this without his heart breaking in half each time................that is letting clients go(as I could not do it)...........he said it is hard but they are trained in it and that although I'm important to him and he is sad, I have more invested in the relationship than he did, which is true. I think a T can be completely emotional intimate with a client, that it is real and reciprocal in ways as far as the feelings................they have to temper that with a little detachment though(which clients do not have) because otherwise you are right, they would burn out and not be able to find the emotional energy to deal with it if it became a more personal relationship for the T.

You know how you can be energized by a good physical workout? You wake up and feel better after a walk? It's the same emotionally with people. New ideas and "good" things happening energize us, a good problem to work on, say, a client's/patient's issues can get one excited and give one energy!

Yes it can be exhausting working on our problems because we're trying to carve a tunnel through rock. But once we do, think of what we have and have learned? We have trains running to and fro and great communications and resources. Get those lettuces moving from California to New Jersey, struggling!

They do not achieve it every day with every client. Also, it is a different experience for them than for the client. Finally they are trained on how to it, at least one hopes they are and they do hold themselves out as trained in something.
I don't think it is any different than any other job someone has - I personally cannot imagine being a nurse, actuary, grade school teacher, actor, or politician. Each of those has some aspect of the job that to me sounds so miserable and incomprehensible that I marvel anyone does it. Therapists are no different in that it is a job that they for some reason find or found reasonably tolerable to endure as a career, that matches at least some of their skill set and interest that they managed to find a way to get paid for and some satisfaction from.

That is so not fair though! I get it and I get why BUT it is sooo not cool.
This is a big current problem Im having. I have big problems with intimacy...a large FEAR of it. I want it but I run from it. Ive been terrified of getting attached to her and she knows it. I fight it. I want it...but I pull back really hard whenever the intensity of it creeps up too much. She's always been really good at responding to that. Telling me its ok and normal. We've been talking about my mom alot lately (she was very emotionally unavailable growing up) and I sucked it up and told T the she reminds me of what i wish my mom could've been. She responded exactly how I thought she would but I got all weird and distant and defensive right away. ?????? And now it feels all weird between us. She said im acting unattached and I think she seems distant and off. Ugh. Intimacy and attachment are sucking the life out of me.

This is a great way to think about it. Made me smile. Thanks Perna

This is such an excellent point. It is kind of awe-inspiring to see people being brave and working through the things that cause them pain, being *real*. If you think about how many people you interact with on a daily basis that wear a mask and generally fake their way through life, how refreshing must it be to do work where the people you are working with are real, and you get to be real-- actually it's required.