[seventyeight]

i emailed my therapist yesterday morning about something that's bothering me (not related to "us," but an on-going family issue), and she never emailed me back. we usually only email about insurance/scheduling, but sometimes an occasional "therapy topic. it's not often, maybe once every six months or so. regardless, she has always emailed me back and within a few hours. what she says in response usually isn't much, but it addresses what i've written and acknowledges that it's important to me.

so, i'm not sure what to make of her lack of response. i know many of you have struggled with this, so i thought i'd reach out of some support and understanding. thanks for reading.

maybe as its the weekend she might not read as much? we know ours doesnt spend much time on weekends with hers♥

[unaluna]

she might think it's background material for your next session? for an ongoing family issue - one she is aware of? what has she said about it in the past? has anything changed with the issue? have you (or other family members) taken her advice on the issue or not?

i'm not saying this is what is going on, but if for example, it's a matter of you needing better boundaries to deal with it, she might be modeling better boundaries by not getting sucked into your dramatic plea for help, which was based on this family member's dramatic plea for help, right at the weekend. but again, I don't know what's actually going on. hope this helps. write more here?

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by seventyeight

i emailed my therapist yesterday morning about something that's bothering me (not related to "us," but an on-going family issue), and she never emailed me back. we usually only email about insurance/scheduling, but sometimes an occasional "therapy topic. it's not often, maybe once every six months or so. regardless, she has always emailed me back and within a few hours. what she says in response usually isn't much, but it addresses what i've written and acknowledges that it's important to me.

so, i'm not sure what to make of her lack of response. i know many of you have struggled with this, so i thought i'd reach out of some support and understanding. thanks for reading.

I do understand, and have empathized with many email sagas here on psychcentral. There are 1000s of reason why you have not heard from her.

What might help is if you made a list yourself, and you can certainly share it here (perhaps we can even make it a sticky) for some potential reasons.

Some could be funny (always good) or whatever you are feeling (also always good).

Bottom line, you will either hear from her, or you won't. It's about coping until you know.

Maybe even making a list of coping strategies might help.

I know this must be sucky, but it is self limiting. It's not going to hang around forever.

[seventyeight]

yes, there are 1000's of reasons why i haven't heard from her, but the one i keep going back to is: i'm not important. it's hard to feel like i matter to her, when she's not acknowledging me at all! i'm not sure why exactly this is bothering me so much, but it really is. i've not had any issues with her, and we've had maybe like one or two mini-ruptures in the last 3 1/2 years. for some reason, this makes me want to quit seeing her altogether. i love her more than most people (and am usually one of those people that think i have "the world's greatest therapist"), but i feel like i can't trust her now.

(yes, i know i'm overreacting, but it's how i'm feeling at the moment.)

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

I struggle with feeling unimportant with my wife and occasionally other people when I am disappointed in her response to me (e.g. she is busy working when I want to talk). I also have this reaction to my T when she doesn't respond as I would like her to. I don't email with her, but I can relate to it in the times when she gives me a brief or sometimes no reaction to something I've talked about, when I was looking for something deeper.

So I think your feelings are larger than the unresponded to email, as you recognize in your "over reaction", as you label it. The way I want to be is someone who is secure in my belief that I am important to my wife. Fifteen years of love and support and kids can't be undermined by one evening where she's too busy for me. I would like to feel confident and say to myself, hey, tonight she has something that she needs to do, but I understand it has nothing to do with me or how she feels about me. Sometimes I get there, sometimes I don't.

With T, I'd like to also feel secure that she cares about me and wants to help. Her inability to always get it right, to say what I need or want her to say, isn't about her lack of caring for me. This has helped me articulate to her what I need, such as "I was looking for you to give me some more feedback about this" and the like.

If I were in your shoes, I would send her another quick email and say something like "it would really help me if you could give me a really quick response that you got the email and you realize this is an important issue for us to discuss further."

Asking for what you need directly might feel better than quitting therapy. Just sayin'.

[WePow]

Somr Ts make themselves NOT check client email on weekends. They do this for selfcare so they can recharge. If you really need your T and there is no rsponse to a second email which in the subject states "REPLY NEEDED". then give T a call if you are allowed to do so.

BIG safe hugs!!!

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by seventyeight

yes, there are 1000's of reasons why i haven't heard from her, but the one i keep going back to is: i'm not important. it's hard to feel like i matter to her, when she's not acknowledging me at all! i'm not sure why exactly this is bothering me so much, but it really is. i've not had any issues with her, and we've had maybe like one or two mini-ruptures in the last 3 1/2 years. for some reason, this makes me want to quit seeing her altogether. i love her more than most people (and am usually one of those people that think i have "the world's greatest therapist"), but i feel like i can't trust her now.

(yes, i know i'm overreacting, but it's how i'm feeling at the moment.)

I can really relate to the feelings you have.. I used to swim in those feelings! All I can tell you is to hang in there. Your feelings are very real, but they are not based on anything your therapist is doing.. your feelings are based on painfully devaluing experiences from the past. If you just hang in there, though, your therapist will help you get through it and the repairs will bring you healing.