Whoa, what an interesting session

I just got back from trauma T (T2).

We did some visualization of little girl me spending time with adult me (or vice versa).

I had asked him before if he wanted me to go along with the visualizations when what he said didn't seem to fit, or if he wanted me to resist a bit. He had said he wanted me to go along with it -- but not after today.

He described little-me as a "precious little girl" several times. He tried to assist the adult-me to look at the little-me with kindness and positive regard. Little-me wasn't having it. She vacillated between detached compliance and confusion. She never smiled. Her face showed that she was either "not there" or terribly confused by the interaction with adult-me. I told T, "I'm sorry, but nothing you are saying makes any sense." The only part of the visualization that I agreed with was how stinking cute the other little 5 year-olds around me were.

God -- I had NO IDEA that I would be hitting these walls. I'm both fascinated and sad/frustrated. I actually reflected that if T2 wanted to access my emotions he would, at the very least, need to be grumpy and demanding toward me. I don't know if Ts do that though, do they? It would work. I would easily be in touch with a myriad of emotions and thoughts and wouldn't hesitate to let them out. I don't know -- I'll mention it to him next time.

At the end he complimented me and said that it's actually helpful for him to know what worked and what didn't work. So I'm not "going with it" anymore -- he wants me to resist so that he can learn how to take a different approach.

Have you guys had experiences similar to this?

My T tried the visualization thing once and I was pretty unreceptive. He wanted me picture me as a little girl in a room and go into the room to comfort her. He also wanted permission to let him come in the room. I didn't like that idea. On SO many levels.

I can't even look at old photos of me.

Good job jen.

That's hard MKAC -- definitely.

This T wants me to bring in some pictures of myself as a little girl. I'm not sure if I have any, but I'll bring them. I'm quite detached when I see them.

I haven't done any formal visualization stuff, but my T has tried to get me to dialogue with my young self before. More of an empty chair thing. Didn't go so well.

I can relate to that!

This is interesting. Could it be that you are so used to being bullied that you won't cooperate unless you are?

CE, that's a good question.

I think it's more that being foul or rude toward me would definitely get my hackles up and I would verbally fight (fight, flight, freeze) instead of the freezing I do so much. But him sitting there being accepting and kind and asking me about things makes me just blah when expressing myself.

I have crazy transference with T1 though. If he raises and eyebrow at me I can turn into an angry puddle of tears. T2 -- not so much.

I have a hard time not just 'going with it' with my T (T2). I don't feel 100% comfortable and my little girl wants to be compliant. I hope to be brave like you with my new T. Thanks so much for sharing.

Most people with issues dislike their inner child so wanting you to be kind to her doesn't feel normal. How about just meeting her first and getting her to appear and express herself? Accepting her will come later.