T reading stuff

As I have been having random memories from my late childhood/ early teen years which i write down I have been reading to T from my journal. This seems the only way I can talk about them, for some reason I just can't tell my T about the memory otherwise, even with this method it's sometimes hard.

Well last session while reading one of the memories there was a part I just couldn't read so I told my T I was skipping that line. After finishing reading I was annoyed by not sharing it all. T asked if it would be easier if she read it, I conceeded to this. (As a side note the part I couldnt read had to do with some verbal comments, I could read about the physical fighting. Which seems weird to me).

However, I now having this feeling like somehow I cheated by not reading that particular part of the memory and having to make T read (to herself). I know this must sound ridiculous but it's bugging me, so I wanted to put it out there.

I don't think it's cheating. I usually speak eventually about difficult stuff, but last week I shared something with her that I had written and would NOT read it out loud myself. So I gave it to her and completely looked away as she read it to herself. Then she was able to know what I was thinking and feeling and could address it with me right then and there.

She wants to find out more information about you at least to me it seems like for now. If you weren't able to read it then that is another information that she can use and it is perfectly okay! Continue and expect very... amazing things to happen! In time you will might even be able to talk whitout notes as your trust grows towards her which is good. I wish i could not read a few things... but for me last time i just lowered my voice until i almost whispered and put myself into a very defensive posture. She of course noticed it and learned from it. If i get it right, now you are in the geting to know you phase. It will end soon and simply put :amazing things will happen!
I wish you the bests of the best! Hope this helped ^^

heck no...definitely not cheating. You didn't hold back, you let her read it. You got those words out instead of keeping them hidden. Big Brave Bravo.

Definitely not cheating, but I understand how you are feeling. When I write things out for t I also feel it is important that I read them aloud to t. I don't write stuff out too often but I do when it's a deep topic and I am afraid of forgetting something I feel is important to share. I've been trying to go from reading it verbatim to just referencing the writing like notes. I look at it as small steps: first not sharing at all, then sharing by reading what I wrote, then sharing by referencing what I wrote and hopefully some day just saying it.

Focus on that fact that you were able to share it. That is important.

Thanks everyone.

I guess for me it's weird having this feeling of those words/memories having some type of power over me. It's like I shouldn't be bothered by it. I should be strong enough to rise above it. Also it sorta feels like I'm making a bigger deal out of it then necessary.

Whenever I bring something in my therapist wants me to read it to her, but there have been a few times when I told her I just couldn't and asked her to read them. She agreed but clearly she would have rather had me read them to her.

And tkdgirl I don't think you are making a bigger deal out of this than necessary, I think there is more to those few words than you realize at this moment. Maybe you could talk to your therapist about why they are such a trigger for you.

I asked T2, what do you do with journal snips I leave with you? Toss? Read and toss? File? Read and file? She said, I do read them.
so I said, OK, well I will leave you these, but I will tell you ahead of time that whatever we talk about today, there's something in there we will not be talking about.

she was fine with it.

I think there is no "cheating", however you can get it out, is fine.