[WikidPissah]

I had this really weird session and I was all over the place. We didn't get around to following up on last weeks session.

I am a bit "off" as I am going thru serious benzo withdrawal. So today was yet another discussion where he wavered back and forth between being supportive of my decision to go med-free and wanting to turn me into pdoc. I really need him to just be supportive. He told me he noticed that he did not have a release to talk to pdoc in my folder. (Weird, that never stopped him before...I always just assumed I had signed a release.) I am trying really hard to be honest about my head and my moods, but I have to hold back because if he decides it's an emergency he will go to pdoc without my consent. I know he's thought about it...why else would he go fishing for a consent form. I know he can't promise me he won't go over my head, but I at least wanted him to promise he would tell me before he did it...no such luck.

And he says he supports me, then he talks about trying different meds when I am fully titrated off of what I am on. WTF?? What part of med-free does he not understand?

arg. At the end of the session...when I was giving him my check this happens:
T: I have one more important thing to talk about before you leave.
Me: k
T: I think you're a "hot sh&t"
Me: ugh, huh??
T: I love your sarcasm and sense of humor. Can you handle me liking this about you?
Me: yea. I can handle that.

WTF??? Why was this important?

[noodle_82]

Maybe he could tell it was a difficult session for you to connect with each other and wanted to say something encouraging about you. I would feel very good if my T just came out with something like that about me- like "oh T notices me and my responses. He is listening to me". Thats just what I would think.

[WikidPissah]

thanks noodle. You're probably right. I guess it just feels like flattery.

I know 2 things to be true about me IRL. 1)I am funny 2) I'm a good mom. I do go heavy on the sarcasm in T, but it probably shouldn't be encouraged!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

thanks noodle. You're probably right. I guess it just feels like flattery.

That's exactly the point. You find it difficult to accept that someone might genuinely like something about you.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

That's exactly the point. You find it difficult to accept that someone might genuinely like something about you.

I find it difficult for HIM to like something about me. I told him I can handle it, but I can't. It worries me. Like the time I came into session and he said he had "thought" about me during the week. No thinking about me, it is not allowed. I know that sounds harsh...but it scares the crap out of me.

@Wikid why does it scare you?

we can understand that. whenever anyone says they care about us or *gasp* love us immediately we start discounting it and giving reasons(in our minds) why we dont deserve it,they are lying,whats their angle,please stop because its scary-yeah we get it!♥♥♥

[stopdog]

I usually wonder why the therapist tells me something like that - whether true or not - what is the point in telling me? What is it supposed to do for me or how am I supposed to use the information that some stranger said something like that to me.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by Lillylillie

@Wikid why does it scare you?

I don't know for sure, I just know I don't like it at all. No thinking about me, no flattery, just do your job...period. I am not paying someone to like me.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I usually wonder why the therapist tells me something like that - whether true or not - what is the point in telling me? What is it supposed to do for me or how am I supposed to use the information that some stranger said something like that to me.

Exactly...what is he trying to make me think/feel and why? I have known him for 2 years. I already know he finds me funny, he laughs. There was no reason for him to tell me that, unless he had ulterior motives....like making me freak out. I feel like a lab rat.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

I don't know for sure, I just know I don't like it at all. No thinking about me, no flattery, just do your job...period. I am not paying someone to like me.

Exactly...what is he trying to make me think/feel and why? I have known him for 2 years. I already know he finds me funny, he laughs. There was no reason for him to tell me that, unless he had ulterior motives....like making me freak out. I feel like a lab rat.

Could it have just been a spontaneous, kind comment? Maybe that doesn't fit under the rubric of his job, but he's still allowed to like you, right?

[stopdog]

I think they are only supposed to do or say what is therapeutic. Not indulge their like or dislike for a client. So if the therapist says anything - it is suppose to be therapeutic in some fashion.= what was the therapeutic reason behind the therapist's statement.

[SeaSalt]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

I find it difficult for HIM to like something about me. I told him I can handle it, but I can't. It worries me. Like the time I came into session and he said he had "thought" about me during the week. No thinking about me, it is not allowed. I know that sounds harsh...but it scares the crap out of me.

I'm having similar feelings in this area (if I am understanding you correctly).

I guess on the one hand I can understand compliments or encouragement in the therapeutic sense. But my thought process then jumps to --- I dont want her saying things to me like that if she doesnt mean them because I wont take it in the right context if I think she's just complimenting me for the good of the process. But yet, personal feelings (where she really means the compliment) would also mean we are having perhaps a deeper "friendship" than we should be and I will be apt to attach or transfer in a big way. UGH, I really need to stop thinking so much.

I am new to the therapy process so I hope I am just worrying too much and these things will take care of themselves in time.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think they are only supposed to do or say what is therapeutic. Not indulge their like or dislike for a client. So if the therapist says anything - it is suppose to be therapeutic in some fashion.= what was the therapeutic reason behind the therapist's statement.

That's a good point too. They shouldn't be throwing their feelings around haphazardly.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by likelife

Could it have just been a spontaneous, kind comment? Maybe that doesn't fit under the rubric of his job, but he's still allowed to like you, right?

hmm...yea, he is human, so he can like/dislike. I obviously prefer to be liked, I mean who doesn't. I guess I just prefer it to be shown and not said. Like I mentioned, he laughs...so I already know. That was real to me. Now that he had to say it, it feels more like flattery.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think they are only supposed to do or say what is therapeutic. Not indulge their like or dislike for a client. So if the therapist says anything - it is suppose to be therapeutic in some fashion.= what was the therapeutic reason behind the therapist's statement.

see...that's it, exactly. I have to over analyze it now, where as if he just spontaneously laughs its natural. I did tell him several weeks back that I was having trouble accepting our meetings as a relationship. He could be trying to prove that out....kind of like the elephant in the room.

Originally Posted by SeaSalt

But yet, personal feelings (where she really means the compliment) would also mean we are having perhaps a deeper "friendship" than we should be and I will be apt to attach or transfer in a big way.

yikes. is that what scares me? I have to think about this, I do have a problem with people getting too close.

[WikidPissah]

lightbulb moment . It's just t-speak. They all say they like you, that's part of their hook. See, I knew something was up.

[Sannah]

Hmmmmmmmm, I think that you want to believe this ^ because it gets you off the hook of thinking that you are closer to T.

I don't blame you for fearing intimacy. Considering what has happened to you in the past, it is normal to fear others getting close. Definitely something to work through in therapy.

[WikidPissah]

no Sannah...it's true. There's a newer thread about whether your T likes you or not, and just about everyone's T has told them they like them. SO it is just something they say. That makes me feel better, knowing it's some kind of therapeutic T crap, and not about me.

[pbutton]

I think they HAVE to find something to like about their clients. It probably helps them develop empathy towards you.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by likelife

They shouldn't be throwing their feelings around haphazardly.

Especially not haphazardly!!! Great word! great word picture! I can hardly even look at the answers to the other thread, let alone post my answer. I talked about it to T today, and he seemed to take the answer for granted. He said, if you're laughing together, and then he expanded on that, like, if you can't get up off the floor cos you're laughing so hard. but my recent interactions with the FOO have me doubting or drawing back or putting a wall between me and T. like i'm not allowed to be happy or healthy.

[Sannah]

I think that they do like their clients. Why do you think that they went into a helping profession? They like people.............. I can always find something that I like about a person.

[stopdog]

I always forget therapists and other health care people believe they are in helping professions.

[unaluna]

is there a "sardonic post" smilie? dog, you can always make me laugh!

[WikidPissah]

T texted me yesterday. "how are you doing?" ugh. I responded "withdrawal sux" so he calls. i didn't mean to encourage that. We talked, I assured him I was safe and that was that. So then the guy texts again today "do you need to talk?" Arg. I texted back "no, I am fine".

Ugh...I don't need this. If I want to talk I will call him and set up an appointment. Why does he think it's ok to contact me? I need him to back the f up.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

T texted me yesterday. "how are you doing?" ugh. I responded "withdrawal sux" so he calls. i didn't mean to encourage that. We talked, I assured him I was safe and that was that. So then the guy texts again today "do you need to talk?" Arg. I texted back "no, I am fine".

Ugh...I don't need this. If I want to talk I will call him and set up an appointment. Why does he think it's ok to contact me? I need him to back the f up.

That definitely sounds intrusive. And a bit odd for a T to be doing.

[stopdog]

I would be quite put out if the therapist contacted me unbidden. Tell him not to. You get to have boundaries too.