[peaches100]

One day on the phone, I said to my mom, "Hey, mom, remember when you used to go on business trips? I would cry so hard and not want you to go." She replied, "I don't think you cried that hard." I said, "Yes, I did! I really hated for you to go." Then she said, "Well, you never seemed to be interested in spending time with me or talking to me when i was home, so I didn't think it would matter."

[stopdog]

I don't know what to make of it, but it sounds like something my mother would have said to me.

[2or3things]

I dunno. Could be that she doesn't want to feel like she hurt you. That's a tough thing for parents to face.

My own mother is the absolute Queen of D'nial.

[WikidPissah]

kind of sounds like she got a little defensive.

[karebear1]

Originally Posted by 2or3things

I dunno. Could be that she doesn't want to feel like she hurt you. That's a tough thing for parents to face.

My own mother is the absolute Queen of D'nial.

You must be talking about my mother.

[SeaSalt]

I really had no idea how freeked up my mommy issues were until starting therapy. I had just accepted it for so long, not even realizing how it could affect my whole life.

** possible trigger, mother interaction/emotional abuse **



I had a similar experience with my mom recently. I finally asked her why she never came to my sports games in high school. She said I told her not to come. Hmmmmm, I dont recall this. I suppose its possibly but I just dont think so. My mom has a habit of lying when it suits her. And to manipulate me. All this emotional abuse is beginning to register with me. I told my T that my first concern with therapy was that I would begin hating my mom again. And I can see the emotional separation already beginning.

Sounds like my mom.

Denial? A coping mechanism so she doesnt feel guilty?

[Emptty]

Maybe she made mistakes as a mother(as all mothers do) and she is not insightful enough to realize how her actions have hurt you... or on the other end maybe she does realize she made mistakes and just can't cope with it. Looking at it in a realistic way, maybe your mom can't handle her actions and can't forgive herself or admit to herself that she didn't do the right thing all the time. That is sad and it hurts to know someone has to deal with that kind of guilt. It also hurts to know you dealt with the rejection and flat out abandonment and I'm sure you are still dealing with it now. I know how it feels and I'm sorry you went through that.

[Sannah]

Did you spend time with her when she was home?

It really doesn't matter if you spent time with her when she was home or not. Children simply want their parents to BE THERE for them. I noticed that my children would completely ignore me most of the time when I was home, until I picked up the telephone. The telephone (or anything that really occupied my attention) was a child magnet. They didn't necessarily want my attention at any given moment, but they needed to know I was available if they did decide they wanted or needed me.

[SeaSalt]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

It really doesn't matter if you spent time with her when she was home or not. Children simply want their parents to BE THERE for them. I noticed that my children would completely ignore me most of the time when I was home, until I picked up the telephone. The telephone (or anything that really occupied my attention) was a child magnet. They didn't necessarily want my attention at any given moment, but they needed to know I was available if they did decide they wanted or needed me.

Not to diminish your point, but my cats do the same thing.

[purple_fins]

Originally Posted by peaches100

One day on the phone, I said to my mom, "Hey, mom, remember when you used to go on business trips? I would cry so hard and not want you to go." She replied, "I don't think you cried that hard." I said, "Yes, I did! I really hated for you to go." Then she said, "Well, you never seemed to be interested in spending time with me or talking to me when i was home, so I didn't think it would matter."

Do you know why you brought this up to your mother? Were you expecting a particular response from her?

I think I mentioned this book before-- I will again just in case I'm confused-- "Will I ever be good enough?"
healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers
-- by Karyl McBride

this book helped me, along with therapy-- to get beyond the rejections of the mother. I don't talk to her about the past anymore-- we are just in the present together now, as I know she is NOT capable of being the mother I always needed.

fins

[Sannah]

I didn't ask that question because I wanted to blame Peaches. I was just checking her mother's accuracy. If Peaches didn't spend time around her mother I would blame it on her mother because the adult sets the tone for whether they are going to encourage and participate in interaction or not. Children just cooperate with whatever the adult has decided. Since her mother is pretty narcissistic I would imagine that Peaches didn't spend a lot of time around her mother. ????????