Somatic experiencing in my session today

T hasn't attempted somatic experiencing with me for a few years so it was a coincidence that we did some in session today, since rainbow has just been posting about this topic. It seemed to make more sense to me this time around. It didn't feel so alien or unattainable or weird.

I am having a lot of stress lately and experiencing very frustrating stuff and deliberate attempts by others to discredit or sabotage me (I sound paranoid, I know, but it is true). I am carrying around a lot of stress and negative energy and anger. I feel it in my heart. At certain times, I have the sensation that my heart is beating weird. It just doesn't feel right and it bothers me and I swear it is beating wrong. But last time this happened I got out my stethoscope to listen and it really sounded OK. So I think I may be unintentionally fabricating this symptom ..

Anyway, T helped me work on ways to discharge the negative energy, to rid my body of it. To let go of the anger and stress through physical movements and words. He said if the negative stuff is being held in my body such that I can feel it there, that this requires something physical to get rid of it. He also wants me to start another journal, and keep it separate from my other one, in which I write down all the negative and stressful stuff that happens to me. He said this will also help me get rid of it.

I was concerned that by doing this or even by talking about this with him, I might be making things worse by keeping the negativity in the fore of my mind (wallowing), but he said that I won't get rid of it unless I deal with it. He said processing with my friends who are experiencing similar things is also good, and I have been doing that.

So it was a different sort of session. I am not sure I loved it because it felt unpleasant to bring all that negative energy into our space. I guess I was worried that it might seem that way to T too, so at the end of the session, I asked him how the session had been for him. But he had no problem with it. I can bring all that negative energy into our space and it does not seem to phase him. He handles it much better than I can.

I have some SE books on my shelf, I remember I thought it looked like something that would help me particularly with my issues. i'll have to dig them out.

I get this symptom frequently. When it first started I even went to the ER a couple times, it's a frightening feeling. And as you feel it your stress raises thus making the weird beating thing worse. I found progressive muscle relaxation to be helpful with it.

I think my T uses some of this SE stuff, just by reading things you and rainbow have posted. He has never said what it was though. He's eclectic. I think it is important to be able to be negative with T.

Sorry you are expereincing pressure in the workplace! Glad you found a way to relief the stress.

I'm up bright and early for work and am going to do some discharge before I even leave the house. Maybe it will help me ward off more negative energy from coming to roost in me. One of the ways to discharge from session was to stand up, take a pillow, lift it over my head and snap it downward forcefully with both arms and smack something (like a piece of furniture). Here goes...

Get it sunrise!

Yes! When I pay attention to it, it makes me even more stressed because I'm worrying I am dying or something. So if I'm lying there trying to fall asleep, it makes me wide awake. WikidPissah, what did they say at the ER when you went?

I am usually not negative with anyone, so it is hard for me to be negative. But I was feeling so overwhemingly negative inside that it was impossible to be any other way (and I do prize authenticity). When T started off the session by asking how I was doing, I said "awful" which is totally unlike me. (If I am doing good I say that, and if not so good, I may say "oh, ok.") At one point, after we had discussed my negative stuff for a while, T changed the topic, returning to something from our last session he wanted to provide some last comments to. This was a very positive topic and I just couldn't go there with him. I told him I wished I could join him in that but I just didn't feel able to and I apologized for not being able to make the jump with him when he changed the subject. He immediately went right back with me to the negative stuff so we could keep working on that. So I appreciate his ability to stick to the negative and keep trying to help me with it. When I am around really negative people, my instinct is to back away from them so their negativity won't rub off on me, contaminate me. It must be hard for a T to not back off and be willing to sit for an hour in all that negativity with the client. Yikes!

Ok, off to my discharge!

I am 47 so of course they took my concerns seriously. Put me on a monitor for a while, etc. They couldn't detect the strange beating that I felt and chalked it up to anxiety. I felt stupid, yet that did not prevent me from going back there a few weeks later when the same thing was happening. It is a frightening feeling. So then I saw a cardiologist and had a serious work up done. When that was clear, T and I discussed relaxation techniques. Oh, and one more thing...weird but ativan did not stop it.

sunrise, the SE sounds helpful for you this time and I'm glad. I haven't read enough about it yet, but what my T told me about Peter Levine's studies is that wild animals, after trauma, shake themselves and that's how they discharge the negativity. I wonder if that's what my T will want to do with me.

I feel better about it now that I know you're doing it with your T since you know I respect your T! Do you know what his training in SE is?

I'm sorry you're having all this the stress that makes your heart beat weirdly in the first place. I know how scary that must be!

Ts can handle our negative energy better than we can because it's OUR problem, not theirs. I know we debate on this forum about whether we are more than our T's "job", and hope that we are, but I think the fact that we are "their job" enables them to deal with so much negative energy every day.

sunrise, I don't want to trivialize your heart symptoms. Hearts are very delicate...maybe you should talk to your GP just to rule other things out.

Rainbow, we did some shaking exercises too, accompanied by sound effects. I like how T did the shaking. I am not so good at that. But even watching him do it felt good to me. It seemed to me like "hey this could help!" I actually like doing these physical things much better than the questions that often accompany this type of work: "where do you feel this in your body? blah blah" T didn't have to ask me this because I told him right away about my heart.

It's the Waking the Tiger - Peter Levine - Trauma Institute thing. I know there are a lot of offshoots, but my T's SE derives directly from the Levine school of thought. He's been doing it at least as long as I've been seeing him, which I think is 4 years. Who knows how many years before that. He seems really comfortable with it. My T is not dogmatic, though, and would not do this with everyone. He has a big toolbox and uses what is most appropriate for each client. He and I haven't done any SE for years until now. And we did EMDR early in therapy but not since (although he has offered it to me on certain occasions, but I declined). I think my T recommended I read Waking the Tiger at our very first therapy session ever. I read most of the book back then and may revisit it since we are doing this stuff again. Rainbow, I think SE is a pretty harmless therapy so if a T is doing it with only a couple of workshops of training, I don't think it's a big deal. the techniques aren't that complicated, and it's not going to hurt you to do SE with an inexperienced T. I feel differently about EMDR. I would not do that without an experienced practitioner who is at least level 2. YMMV.

I think I've just been so miserable, I am willing to try anything. What is there to lose? Might as well.

I need to learn that skill because I find I am affected by other people's negativity and I want to distance myself from them. Sometimes I can't get away and then I am stuck with not knowing how to deal with it.

Thank you, WP. I am planning to look into it with my GP. I need to go for a blood pressure check soon and will bring it up then. In the meantime, I decided to cut back on a med I take that can increase heart rate.