"do you need anything from me?"

last week T and I had a good session....talked about my distance since ive told her i see characteristics in her that i wish my mom had and why i have so much fear around her knowing that. we talked about how I know she cant be my mom but that we have a healthy relationship within therapy that i can grow from and that she's always going to be there. she talked about how even though its hard stuff we can still have fun and laugh and that
"we used to have that you know". and she said we were going to keep talking about how i feel towards her until she sees some of my barriers come down and she sees the old struggling again....and we ended there but after that she said "is there anything you need from me?".....im not sure what she was expecting for an answer? or how would you even answer that? its stuck in my head since the session....."what did she mean is there anything i need from her?"........i said "no".........as anybody's T ever said anything like this?

My least favorite question ever. T had asked it more than once and I just stare at her for a few minutes. I also have no idea what kind of response should come from that. Last time she asked though she offered me a hug when I couldn't answer which was nice. I'm interested to see if anyone had conquered this question

I'm totally baffled. I don't know what it means either. I'm interested in seeing the responses.

All the Ts I've seen have asked me that. It's a tricky one especially when you tell the T what you need and they look shocked...which is what happened to me with former t.

BLECH. I HATE that question....and my T has asked me that exact thing. And I'm usually so traumatized by the question that I can't imagine having an answer....

no S**T, right! im like uhhhh uhhhhhhhh uhhhhh "what was the question again?" lol

i feel like i need to ask her what she was expecting or what the point was of the question but i know then it will turn into some long uncomfortable discussion about why i asked and my feelings and what i might be thinking i need to but dont want to tell her...holy discomfort!!! ick!

Yes, a number of times. Not often, but not rare. He has two versions, "what are you needing from me today?" and "what do you need from me?" The first one may be in the opening parts of the session to help me focus on what I need from him that day. The second has a greater sense of urgency, especially when he senses I need something from him (he may sense my held back emotions, camoflauged distress, etc.) and he wants to cut to the chase and make sure he knows what it is so he can provide it (if possible). There have also been a couple of times when T was serving as a coach to me in legal proceedings and he was called into a meeting at my request and he will listen for a while to the conversation and if he is not clear on why he is there, he would say to me, "why am I here?" or "what do you need from me?"

I actually like that he has asked these things. It is not often, but it shows he is reading me that I need something and wants to encourage me to voice it. The first, more casual one, "what are you needing from me today?" also sometimes has a feeling to it as if he doesn't want to cast about and have to pry it out of me, but just wants to be a little lazy and get me to focus and tell him.

These are always good questions, I think, because they make me (or any client) look inside themselves and try to discern what they need. It can be easy to talk about unimportant stuff in therapy, especially if we are dancing around key, painful issues. This question makes us buckle down, take a moment of introspection, and let the T know how he/she can be of service.

I am sure she wants you to tell her what you need, not what she is expecting. Since you say you don't want to tell her, that can make for an interesting discussion too. Perhaps then she will pose another uncomfortable question, "what can I do to make it safe for you here?"

My T uses that from time to time. Typically after a hard session and she is sorta checking in to make sure I am okay and don't need anything else to happen in the session before she lets me go. I am surprised by the people who hate that question! I love it! I feel so reassured when she asks it.

I have answered a few different ways. After getting into some traumatic stuff, I have asked her to engage in a little small talk with me to help transition out of that mode and get myself back together so I can go back to my office. Sometimes I ask her to reassure me about something specific. Sometimes I just ask for a hug (we do that, so it is okay).

EJ

I have never been asked that and I would probably freak out if I was asked! "hellz no" would be my answer!

So if you think about it, away from her, can you think of things that you need/want from her? I guess some of the things that I needed from T last session were: trust, support and validation. I needed him to say he trusted my decision about medication...I needed him to support that decision, and I needed validation that he didn't think I was stupid. I didn't get any of those things but I needed them.

I have been asked this question a few times, and everytime it comes up I find anyway to get off the topic as quickly as possible! The worst times are when T combines it with "what do you think of me" or anything related to him. I don't know what he wants in an answer, but the forced introspection is sooo frustrating! Of course, it's still not as bad as "what do you want to talk about today". I know that question is meant so we can bring up what might be bothering us, but really, are we really going to always volunteer what we know we "should" talk about versus what we can find the courage to actually talk about? Sorry I deviated from the thread...

I would ask the therapist for examples of what she means when she says that.

I think, depending on the context, that if T asked me this I'd likely punch him in the kisser.

And then I would sarcastically answer, "More boundaries please -- but make sure they are clear as mud."

I don't think my T would ask me this now, maybe later, but I've made it very clear to her that I have depended on myself all my life for the things I need and having to "need" other people scares me. I think she knows that it would just make me withdraw into myself if she asked me something like that. If she asked me that now, I would simply say "Nothing." Perhaps in the future, when I've actually gotten somewhere, she will begin to ask. That is just a very loaded question...

I was asked this once. I said don't tempt me. He knows I am in love with him. What I need is him. I hope he never asks that again!

On those times T or hospital T has asked that, I usually disolve in tears like a lost child that has been found. Ok That sounds cheesy ...but it's true.

That would be a easy one to answer. I'm sure T doesn't ask me this one for fear of my answer.

I don't remember my T ever asking that particular question, but a couple of times he's asked something like "Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting?" I just sat there and we both listened to the crickets

If he did ask that question, I would say "I need your help." And then he would probably ask, "To do what?" And there would be more crickets ....

I hope he doesn't ask.

My therapist once asked me "what she could do to make me less afraid of her"

Not exactly the same question...

My t has asked during a session, but never at the end. I would feel confused if she asked that at the end of a session.

During a session she will sometimes ask if there is anything she can do to help me at that point - usually because I had having difficulty verbalizing my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I have an answer, sometimes I don't.

My T asked me that several times. The first few, I wasn't sure what I was "supposed" to say, or even what would actually help me. The last time, I was telling him I was having trouble transitioning back to my real life after discussing this horrible stuff and had spent hours shivering inside. He asked again if there was anything I needed from him that would help. I had finally figured out that I needed him to let me know he was not disgusted by ME, I thought if he would just touch me, that would help. So what I blurted out was, "would you touch me?" and then immediately freaked out thinking that he would take that in a creepy way, but he didn't. He was kind and gentle. He just asked if he could hug me, but didn't want to hug right before the end of the session. He wanted to hug before the end of the session in case the hug brought up anything we needed to discuss. I thought that was a kind and sensitive way to handle it, given that we were discussing CSA issues.