driving without a license

sittingatwatersedge · Feb 29, 2012, 05:06 PM

introductions are mostly over, and last time & next time I hear that I am expected to "drive".

Problem is, T has a license (literally) and I don't.
I ain even got a map.
Fear is starting to rise, & appt is still days off.

The sensation is that she is lying low like a state trooper, or something.... I keep expecting red lights & sirens to show up.

Feb 29, 2012, 05:11 PM

When I first started seeing my T - I told her that I NEEDED her to gear my sessions. She told me how shes not structured and that I have to bring the material. I know that. But, she also expects me to find all the answers myself. She never tells me anything directly. I think I got used to to the fact that she won;t. and iits really hard. If this is something like what you are talking about, then I hear ya. 2 years in, I'm still wanting her to be in the drivers seat.

stopdog · Feb 29, 2012, 05:12 PM

Could you instead envision her as a driver's ed teacher with a brake on her side too that she will employ should you start to careen out of control?

ECHOES · Feb 29, 2012, 05:12 PM

hmm, I know what you mean

but what about making her one of the crowd, lining the roadway, cheering and whistling, waving and smiling

sittingatwatersedge · Feb 29, 2012, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ECHOES

hmm, I know what you mean

but what about making her one of the crowd, lining the roadway, cheering and whistling, waving and smiling

yeh right. I'm the one who got my first car, my Mom sent me out for a loaf of bread, and i got lost in our neighborhood coming home. Those cheers change to jeers when you come around the same corner for the third time, twinnie......

unaluna · Feb 29, 2012, 05:22 PM

^^^ that being the case, can you find a more comfortable metaphor?!

sittingatwatersedge · Feb 29, 2012, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

^^^ that being the case, can you find a more comfortable metaphor?!

no, can you tell I'm not comfortable? Maybe that's her intention, to put me beyond my comfort zone. who knows. I hate therapy...........

googley · Feb 29, 2012, 05:37 PM

hi ((((((((((((SAWE)))))))))))

I literally thought you might be dealing with a phobia of driving when I first read your post and you were doing exposure therapy.

I feel more comfortable when I have control of what we talk about in session because I know that I wont be asked to talk about something that I'm not ready to talk about. Often I use my sessions to talk about things that have been happening in my life. It starts out with talking about something that happened in my week and then goes from there. Often it is something that bothered me or I can't stop thinking about. My reactions to what happened gives us something to talk about then we usually end up talking about how my reactions are related to my patterns of interactions. Sometimes I will talk about something that has been bothering me. It ends up going the same way. I will talk about it and then we will see what is being triggered in me. My guess is your T wants you to do something similar. That she isn't looking to pick the topic. What you pick to talk about tells her more about what is going on in your life and how you are responding to things. Your speed at which you bring up challenging topics tells her more.

When you lead the session it doesn't mean that you have to come in with some huge topic and some big insight (though if you have one you can share).

You can also talk to her about how it is hard for you to take the lead in therapy. That is an important topic too.

I hope this works out for you.

sittingatwatersedge · Feb 29, 2012, 05:44 PM

>>> it doesn't mean that you have to come in with some huge topic and some big insight (though if you have one you can share).
if she leaves it to me to get to the huge topics, we'll never get there.
And big insights seem a bit rare - I can remember twice when I came to T1 with what I thought were big ones, she could hardly stifle her yawn. Once I had to ASK for kudos, good grief.

but this is not T1, not any more. Hard to get used to.

>> You can also talk to her about how it is hard for you to take the lead in therapy. That is an important topic too.
I did, but am still stuck behind the wheel...

thanks for the hugs, my friend, I can use them. How are you these days Googley? PM me if you want?

ECHOES · Feb 29, 2012, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

yeh right. I'm the one who got my first car, my Mom sent me out for a loaf of bread, and i got lost in our neighborhood coming home. Those cheers change to jeers when you come around the same corner for the third time, twinnie......

Awww

Success is success, and not dependent on how many times you need to round the corner

sunrise · Feb 29, 2012, 05:49 PM

SAWE, how did it work with your previous therapist? Did you choose the topics or did she? I can see if you were used to the T being the driver for the last couple of years of therapy, it would be very disconcerting to suddenly be expected to lead the show! You can always just get it a try, and let her know if you're floundering and need help. If you try for a while and then stumble, you can throw your T comments like, "I can't do this, it's too hard!" and they will explore that, give additional help, etc. You aren't alone in this. It's you and your T together.

sittingatwatersedge · Mar 01, 2012, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by googley

I feel more comfortable when I have control of what we talk about in session because I know that I wont be asked to talk about something that I'm not ready to talk about.

This is very sensible; on the other hand I seem pressured to bring up hard scary stuff. I've never been "ready" to talk about that, I may never be!

I feel like she's saying, "I'm watching you SAWE; if you are really serious about this work, you will drive right into the stormy night, right into the dangerous neighborhoods. If on the other hand you are content to waste your time in here (and mine), you will just take us to McDonald's."

WikidPissah · Mar 01, 2012, 07:18 AM

McDonalds isn't so bad...the fries are good, right?

I never thought I would be able to drive, T drove for over a year, but gradually I am getting into the drivers seat. Grant it when I drive we are just rubber necking, but it's getting me used to it. Can you ask T if it can be a gradual thing? Maybe you drive for 10 minutes at first and let her drive the rest of the way?

granite1 · Mar 01, 2012, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

This is very sensible; on the other hand I seem pressured to bring up hard scary stuff. I've never been "ready" to talk about that, I may never be!

I feel like she's saying, "I'm watching you SAWE; if you are really serious about this work, you will drive right into the stormy night, right into the dangerous neighborhoods. If on the other hand you are content to waste your time in here (and mine), you will just take us to McDonald's."

i hope this isn't what she really thinks.but i do know how hard it is to be the one to bring up the hard stuff.i havnt quite figured out how to do it yet.have you been able to talk to her about how hard it is and how lost you are with this?

Unrigged64072835 · Mar 01, 2012, 08:52 AM

My T allows me to choose what we're working on. Right now it's fairly easy because we're going through my autobiography essay. Once we're done with that, though, I don't know where we'll go from there. Probably inner child work or something.

Mar 01, 2012, 02:22 PM

My T generally has me drive most of the time. Sometimes, it's sort of like he reaches over and moves the steering wheel into a certain turn FOR me. LOL. Like anger. He thought I needed to discuss anger, but said he didn't want to FORCE me to. The problem is, I would never willingly discuss anger with him. Well, that's not entirely true. I think I am finally at a point where I could or would, but last June, when he thought I needed to, THEN there was just no way I would have discussed it on my own initiative.

Anyway, I told him that I would discuss it if he really thought we HAD to, but no way was I going there on my own. So, he started the discussion but told me I could stop if it was too uncomfortable. And apparently it was really uncomfortable because I have no memory of that session after that point. I asked later what the point was in having that conversation when I had no memory of it, and he talked about neurons and neural pathways and blah blah blah.

What was my point again? Oh yeah, him driving let me know that there were areas we HAD to go that were very uncomfortable, but I would live through it. Him constantly reassuring me that he wasn't going to force me, and mostly letting me drive, helped me to trust him. So now, I can drive places where before I could not even contemplate going by myself let alone with another person along to see the darkness and horror that lurks in my "bad" places.

ECHOES · Mar 01, 2012, 08:50 PM

Quote:

I seem pressured to bring up hard scary stuff

sawe I don't think you have to put this pressure on you at all.
Driving doesn't have to be Indy 500.
Driving can be a quiet, gentle cruise through the countryside

CantExplain · Mar 01, 2012, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

yeh right. I'm the one who got my first car, my Mom sent me out for a loaf of bread, and i got lost in our neighborhood coming home. Those cheers change to jeers when you come around the same corner for the third time, twinnie......

But you did get home with the bread, right?
And now you go for bread without a second thought.

Learning to driver isn't pretty, but you get there in the end.

sittingatwatersedge · Apr 02, 2012, 06:20 AM

T2 said something again about me being in the driver's seat.

SAWE: But ... you do have a map, don't you?
T2 (smiling): Oh yes.

Whew! I feel lots better now!!

Perna · Apr 02, 2012, 07:59 AM

I remember when I was learning to drive; my father would drive me the 3-4 blocks up to my high school and then instruct me on how to drive around the parking lot, then he'd drive me home. This went on for a long time. One night my stepmother decided she'd take me out and she had me on the fast, crooked, little, narrow roads and the main drag, etc.

Neither one was quite the right style for me! I kept begging my father to let me at least drive to the school also, and I think I wanted to collapse in a nervous heap when we got home from my stepmother's student teaching.

If I were you, I'd make a list of the territory, a map, drawn by you for you. I'd figure out what some of the road names were that you thought you might be able to drive on and remember some of the easy stuff that T had taken you driving on? I'd go from "here" to a T subject on a road you thought you could handle, and back to "here" again on another one, just see how it went for the first drive; not too easy, not too hard.

CantExplain · Apr 03, 2012, 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ECHOES

hmm, I know what you mean

but what about making her one of the crowd, lining the roadway, cheering and whistling, waving and smiling

This is a fantasy, so you can have your T play more than one role.

sittingatwatersedge · Jun 11, 2012, 05:40 AM

2 wks ago, session was very hard & full of pain.
last wk was very light & chatty
this week I went in with no list, no agenda, and made T2 "drive"

we spent 45min talking about light stuff
and then she socked me with one of those surgical comments of hers

and after I recovered (somewhat) from that one, she socked me again, with another one. I felt just like

this smiley is exactly what I want to tell her about her one-two punch, but if I email it to her I have a feeling it will just stand there and not gasp or go thud. PC people if anyone knows how to make the active smiley appear in a Yahoo email, you might let me know.

I guess I've learned my lesson; if I drive, she may not smack the driver.

pachyderm · Jun 11, 2012, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

this smiley is exactly what I want to tell her about her one-two punch, but if I email it to her I have a feeling it will just stand there and not gasp or go thud. PC people if anyone knows how to make the active smiley appear in a Yahoo email, you might let me know.

I think if you save that smilie (not) to your hard drive, and then include it in your e-mail (it will be an attachment) it may play out as you wish it to.

You might first try sending it to yourself in an e-mail and seeing if it works.