Therapy Question

Killing oneself is against the rules.

What is keeping you from doing your job properly?

Emotional pain is what is driving the suicidal thoughts?

I think being engaged means being open and responsive to the other person. Like if you see two people talking and the conversation is really going back and forth between them, with both people speaking, and the keything is that they're totally focused on each other. To me they are completely engaged in the conversation.

It can be this way in therapy too. But it can also be the way it was in the beginning with me. I would not engage. I would speak, and then he would speak, etc. But there was no real interaction. I was resistant and weighed every word I said carefully. I didn't respond to a lot of what he said, and even direct questions that he asked me. I was definitely not engaged in the conversation.

Does this help? This is something I've struggled with, and I'm still not sure if I'm engaging well, so I find it hard to define.

I do like you, hankster.

[ETA: Re-reading this, it looks kinda patronising. Not at all what I meant. It was just a really nice reply.]

I know, and I won't. It was a honest response to the question, but not to the implied "what would you do". I'm sorry for being out of line.

Short answer to #1: Lack of self-discipline, and possibly of intelligence. Long answer would derail the thread further.

Emotional pain, yes.

What is keeping you from keeping yourself on track (self-discipline) at work?

Are you going to be addressing your emotional pain in therapy?

Yeah Bunny, that makes sense. Thanks. I struggle with this, too and I think I have a sense of the problem but it's hard to put into words...I think you did that well.

I felt really dis-engaged and out of it last time, and walked away frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to stop myself.

"I know, and I won't. It was a honest response to the question, but not to the implied "what would you do". I'm sorry for being out of line."

I didn't think you were out of line. It was just a little reminder that we like you and don't want anything bad to happen to you.

"It's against the rules" is kind of a running joke among my family whenever we don't want someone to do something. Like, "don't eat the last of the chocolate -- it's against the rules." "No poking out eyeballs -- it's against the rules." That last one I said SO MANY times to my son when my daughter was a baby. LOL. He was watching his little, little cousins and one went to grab the other by the head, and my son spouted, "No poking out eyeballs; it's against the rules." He stopped and looked really puzzled and wondered out loud where the heck that came from. I laughed!

And I now return you to regularly scheduled thread. Sorry for the detour.

okay, not to derail my own thread, but at our house we use the phrase, "that's not allowed," the same way you use "against the rules."

I love this question! I think it's like any significant relationship in our life, it changes over time but eventually equals out in the end. I think a successful theraputic relationship both parties are 100% involved and commited to the process, both willing to be honest, vulnerable, teachable, change and grow. I've had several amazing therapist and I am a very dedicated client. I work hard in and out of the consultation room. I expect my T to also show up for the process. I don't expect them to do my work, expect them to do their job.

And at the end of the day, if it's not working for me or something is off, it's my job to bring that forward and communicate it and come to some sort of negotiation or resolution (or move on if one can't be found). I also expect my T to bring the same to me if something is off or not working for them.

I also know the work is as only successful as I'm wiling to put into it. And there are times when I just don't have it in me to give it as much as I'd like and then I lean into my therapist or the process more to guide, provide support, answers, wisdom and other times where my therapist "looks" like they are "doing" less.

I have a lot of respect for the psychology field and I believe in the theraputic process because I've seen what it has done for me several times over. I find it's important to find a T that is as invested in me as I am and someone that can help me through the times when I don't have it in me to go beyond what I can do at that time but believe in me regardless.

I do believe it's a team effort. I had one of my T's tell me that we are meant to be in relationships and have others in our life otherwise we'd be living on a planet all by ourself. Relationships have great healing potential...they give us the opportunity to see ourselves in a way we couldn't do otherwise and they offer us access to parts of ourselves that are buried or we've forgotten...not to mention to remind us we're not alone. I believe a good theraputic relationship fosters within us the ability to carry that experience out into our other relationships where life is more rich and enjoyable because of our ability to be in relationship to ourselves, others and life itself.

Thank you for this brilliant question!

Warmly,
Dachigrl

you PC people amaze me. It is exactly this type of discussion that I value most at PC, apart from the support of so many caring people.

Yesterday's session has left me reeling and I was so unsure of how to proceed, and today I find this great thread, and especially this:

[quote=elliemay;2382642] Sometimes I think therapy is about creating emotional chaos - at the very least a perturbed equilibrium, because it is at those moments of "teetering" that the most change, opportunity, and re-birth occurs. [...] It's the work of the therapist I think to help us ferret out for ourselves which kind of personal chaos we need to confront [...] the real heavy lifting is ours to do.[/quote]

Many thanks for this; there is now enough light in my "tunnel" to go forward.