[Serotonin]

I posted this here as this seems to be the most active forum, and it is a related topic.

As many of you know from first hand experience, loneliness can very often be a by-product of mental illness. I know that loneliness was both a precursor to and product of my illness, and for a long time my T was the only person I ever came into contact with.

I'm also a (chronic) loner by nature, and although it is possible to be alone without experiencing loneliness, sometimes the solitude of long term social reclusion can creep up on you and induce intense feelings of loneliness.

I try to cope with this by listening to music, using internet forums (such as this one), going out for a run, walk, a hike into the mountains or forest, watching TV, or out for a drive and some shopping.

Despite interacting with people via the internet, these are all solitary activities, and as a loner who suffers from social anxiety (with a suspected but undiagnosed social phobia), I find it very difficult to go out into a bar and socialise with complete strangers. In fact it's something I don't want to do, as I used to attempt it in the past and usually ended up sitting on my own consuming large quantities of alcohol, and alcohol consumption had the long term effect of exacerbating my depression.

Besides going to see your T, how do you cope with your loneliness?

[OneRedRose]

i used to cope with loneliness with alcohol (NOT recommended) I too find it hard in social situations (due to excessive bullying back in school) and alcohol seemed to help me talk with strangers and make new friends. But I had to grow out of that at some point, so now I am a non drinker (just not interested in it anymore) so how do I deal with lonelyness?? gaming

[CantExplain]

My T says the best place for adults to make friends is at work.

[Sanada]

I deal with it by using net/music/films and books at the moment. I used to be a good socialite - always out and meeting peeps. Not no more, I have found I am losing the skills to socialise in bars etcetera....LOL.
Work is a great place to meet people CantExplain.
School or College is a good place too.
I plan to meet people again by travel, that was my first way of dealing with loneliness when I left home..

[sconnie892]

Sometimes I will just go where there are people - the grocery store, the mall, a park - sometimes that works, other times it makes it worse. I never really know how I am going to react until I there. I also go to some classes at my church twice week. Most of the people in the classes are old enough to be my grandparents though, so not really socializing with people my own age. I spend a good amount of time on Facebook and PC too. Now that the weather is nice I go out walking.

[Fresia]

I can really relate to your post Serotonin and the above posts as well. Most of the activities I enjoy are solitary things and since very much an introvert it is difficult to get out and do things more socially despite the pangs of loneliness. My T has been encouraging me to find clubs or social groups that also enjoy the same activities or to take a class to improve on those skills I enjoy to meet people with things in common. I do spend time at the park now that the weather is better and at other places so not so isolated, but sometimes it is more stressful than relieving. Something I have to do more to be more comfortable with in time.

[Sannah]

Coping or interacting with strangers? How about working on making friends? I had to work on this a lot.

[stopdog]

I call friends or interact more with people at work or read or play with pets. Dealing with the therapist does not have much to do with me feeling lonely or not.

[with or without you]

I have been struggling with social phobia for most of my life. Nowadays I just force myself into uncomfortable situations and pretend to have a good time. I hear you, Serotonin...I am quite introverted and would call myself a chronic loner.

[Dreamy01]

I experience loneliness most days. I live alone and due to health issues I can't get out a lot. I don't really have answers but I do hear you.

[WantingtoHeal]

I am very lonely, but highly stressed around people, so I have pretty much given up on making new friends, especially where I live. The majority of the people where I live are highly fundamental religious people whom I have nothing in common with.

I watch movies, talk on the phone to my 1 friend, read here on PC, write a good bit, watch tv, think about suicide, and hope for better days.

I don't find work a good place for friends, just for me. I prefer keeping my personal life very separate from my work life, just because I have so much difficulty in my personal life. I don't want my professional life to be viewed in a negative way. I just left my job of 4 to 5 years and i didn't say good-bye to anyone. Just easier that way, I guess.

[nannypat]

I have had to cope with loneliness due to depression and social anxiety. Unfortunately I have not come up with any solutions
I am sorry this is so hard for you. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this.

[taylor43]

I listen to music, go onto the internet, go for a walk

[Serotonin]

Originally Posted by with or without you

I have been struggling with social phobia for most of my life. Nowadays I just force myself into uncomfortable situations and pretend to have a good time. I hear you, Serotonin...I am quite introverted and would call myself a chronic loner.

I used to do that. Force myself to go out, thinking that it was the best strategy, and better than sitting at home alone. But no matter where I went I always experience heightened levels of anxiety in social situations. It's not so bad if you are out with someone, but when you are by yourself; relaxing, letting go, and having a good time can be very difficult, as self consciousness and social awkwardness act as barriers to communication.

I'm a friendly guy, and despite being a chronic loner and a social recluse, I sometimes crave companionship and the experience of interacting with other people. But this damn anxiety and social awkwardness has made it very difficult, and at times virtually impossible. I've never been able to understand extroverted, social people, they are completely alien to me. Being able to mix freely and effortlessly with large numbers of people in a social context is an ability which has always puzzled me and which I admire, as it is one which I have never had.

I've been a loner for so many years now, sometimes I wish I could just be a different person. I am tired of being alone.

[Dreamy01]

You're certainly not alone in being a loner and introvert, Serotonin. I feel much the same way about very outgoing people and busy social situations. I can't deal with them at all. Some people see me as emotionless because I don't express myself like others do and wear a blank expression unless I really open up, which is only usually with one other person. Being a loner can be really lonely.

[critterlady]

I'm very fortunate that my best friend lives very close by and we get together 3 or 4 times/week. We actually got to know each other from an online forum we both were active in for years. We're very unlikely friends - there's 20+ years difference in our ages and I'm very staid and conservative in my appearance and she's very much not. But we're closer to each other than either of us ever have been to anyone else. She's very good for me - she's saved me from the dark place more often than she knows.

Come to think of it, most of my friends came from online forums originally. Now, we get together so often, we don't really even think about how we met. So, when I talk to them online, it doesn't feel like the usual kind of disembodied connection I often feel with online people I've never met.

By doing stuff I enjoy and find pleasure in ...

If I meet someone who shares the same interests and a friendship develops, that's great ... However, if not, that's also great ...

When I'm busy doing things I like, I've noticed that those bummer feelings just sorta take care of themselves ...

I am definitely an introvert, but I am almost always with at least one other person. I spend my days amongst 3000 teenagers and go home to 4 males (husband and 3 sons -- lots of testosterone). So when I actually find myself alone, I just relish the peace and quiet for the moment. I read. I write. I watch a good movie. I rest. Ah! Heaven!

[mcl6136]

I deliberately placed myself in a profession that FORCED me to deal with people, build relationships, and cultivate long term ties.

It was hard and I was out of my comfort zone all the time, but over time, I noticed my comfort zone expanding.

It is still hard!

[learning1]

I think social activities that don't involve alcohol are good. Clubs, volunteering, outdoor activities, exercise classes. I look for activities where other people go by themselves more than family or couple type activities. I also look for activities that normally involve social interaction. Lectures are okay but if you spend most of an hour listening to the speaker, there's not much time for asking the other participants how they like the activity, how long they've been doing it, blah, blah, blah.

[shipping]

I volunteer my services for things I am good at. Then I watch, with amazement, at how much others seem to gain from the information and experience I provide. Sometimes I even make friends this way.

[Serotonin]

Fishing is probably the worst activity to attempt to alleviate loneliness. Unless of course you have a fishing buddy, and he's a conversationalist.

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by shipping

I volunteer my services for things I am good at. Then I watch, with amazement, at how much others seem to gain from the information and experience I provide. Sometimes I even make friends this way.

Yes, this. I met one of my closest friends through volunteering. I do two regular volunteer jobs and they really take me out of myself and the people are great. The nice thing about volunteering is that you tend to meet people with whom you have a fair amount in common. It doesn't take that much time and it's a really restorative way to spend my time.

I've never been a social butterfly, but I had some friends at work. Since everything started going downhill with anxiety and depression I found it increasingly hard to keep these friendships going - feeling like such a bore no one would want to be around me, and then there were the friends that were like 'why can't you snap out of it!?' - then I had to quit work and things just got worse. I still have one good friend from there but I find it triggering to spend time with her. I'm finding it increasingly hard to spend time with people, and I tend to isolate myself these days.. But yeah, I get lonely. It's a paradox. The Internet, this forum, some of the lovely people here help... Other than that I just kill time with tv and music. My T isn't happy, she says I'll lose my social skills... Not sure I even had any! I need to figure something out, as I don't think I'll be able to work for a while. Where else does an adult make friends? I'm too anxious for clubbing right now!

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I've never been a social butterfly, but I had some friends at work. Since everything started going downhill with anxiety and depression I found it increasingly hard to keep these friendships going - feeling like such a bore no one would want to be around me, and then there were the friends that were like 'why can't you snap out of it!?' - then I had to quit work and things just got worse. I still have one good friend from there but I find it triggering to spend time with her. I'm finding it increasingly hard to spend time with people, and I tend to isolate myself these days.. But yeah, I get lonely. It's a paradox. The Internet, this forum, some of the lovely people here help... Other than that I just kill time with tv and music. My T isn't happy, she says I'll lose my social skills... Not sure I even had any! I need to figure something out, as I don't think I'll be able to work for a while. Where else does an adult make friends? I'm too anxious for clubbing right now!

Volunteer, join a team or club, take free classes, get involved in community projects, those sorts of things. It is not always fun, it can take a lot of effort, and it is not usually going to get you a close friend right off the bat, but it will keep you involved.