So tired * Possible Trigger*

Hi all,
I messed up again with the SI. I took more than I was suppose to of my blood pressure medication.
I am fine tho. I guess I just have this wicked death wish.
Or it's like a gamble.
I was doing fine until less than a month ago when I did this.
Last night seemed like one of those nights where the depression just got to me again.

I am so tired of "Tina" not being able to just live life the way I want. I have so many fears and phobia's that it's hard to move.
Seems like I never have time to deal with just me, unless it's doped up on BP meds and sleeping. It's an escape.
I see the Nurse Prac Thursday. But, I think I need to tell my therapist and not wait.
But, I am afraid. What do i say? I messed up again. The thing for me is my family has no idea I am doing this. I do that for a reason.
I hate being on this path of destruction.
Thanks for listening.

do you have pmdd? maybe you could take prozac for just this week every month and see if that helps? I was like a lightswitch. life sux/life's great. it was ridic.

Thinking of you.

What is pmmd?

really bad pms. cos you said it was about a month since the last episode, which I remember, cos i'm on blood pressure meds too, so it caught my eye, cos i wondered about them before too.

That is a thought, but I missed last month and the month before that was missed. I guess a person can still have the symptoms w/out the cycle.

Tina, I REALLY get that feeling of wanting so badly to take too many pills. I do it more than I should too. (because I shouldn't do it at ALL)

I'm noticing now that it comes in waves...I have this feeling of "I'm going to go take a bunch of klonopin" and then I wait for it to pass, because it does, ALWAYS. I think I read we can only crave something for something like 3 to 6 minutes. And then it comes back and I ride it out and it passes. And eventually, even though it seems impossible that I'll ever get to this point, I realize I've moved on for now.

Today, I REALLY wanted to drink (I'm in AA - can't drink). There is alcohol in my house. I was PLANNING on drinking, actually. But I kept waiting for the wave to pass and then I got out of the house to go watch the transit of Venus with my boys at a planetarium near here, and by the time I got home, the feeling passed. I took one klonopin, and I'm okay.

I think sometimes it just feels like our feelings are bigger than our ability to cope and we have to do SOMETHING to change how we feel. But that something doesn't have to be self-destructive. We can post here, go outside under the sky, breathe.

It gets better.

Thinking of you

idk, I think the hormones levels just don't go AS high or low to support pregnancy, but I think they still raise and drop enough to make you feel like carp.

It might be a good idea to make an appt w/ my medical doctor. I am under a lot of stress and I know that can be part of it.

Yes, I'm pretty sure this is true. Tina, it sounds like a good idea to go talk to your MD about it.

I know a little about feeling self-destructive. And I totally understand not telling your family about it. Thank you for telling us, though.

Tina, I get those urges too....although I am getting much better at distracting myself to let it pass. I like what nightsky said about feelings being bigger than our ability to cope sometimes. Hang in there...and yea, you should talk to T, nurse pract or MD...whomever you feel the most comfortable with.

*update*
I went and seen my medical doc today. He thinks a level of hormone could be causing some of my issues. Took blood and if that does not come out like he wants. I get a MRI for the pituitary gland. I'm nervous.. but trying to educate myself a little.

hope you get your results back quickly. I read somewhere that your other glands can do similar work as your lady glands as far as what hormones they release. I could actually be smart if I could remember more than just a vague impression of stuff i've read! sometimes I wonder if I just dreamed it anyway we're here for ya

The nurse called this morning and the blood test they took yesterday was fine. So, it's not that. I am stumped now. What is it? I hate having to wait to find out. Got another test Wed. But, I just want to know what's causing this.