[rainbow_rose]

at the beginning of this year, i told my therapist that i wanted to go deeper in my therapy...

and we have...

just when I think we've hit something that seems at a deep core place, we hit something even deeper and painful.

this is where I am.

and she gave me homework.

i can't do it. it's something i've never really dealt with ... never really acknowledged... just lived in deep deep denial.

i can't do the homework. it just makes me feel so alone... this feels bigger than anything we've worked with...

i want to work through this. my goals are on the other side of this.

i'm not ready for this homework. it's too much too fast.

i don't see my therapist for 2.5 weeks ... so I guess, IRL, i am alone. there's no one to share this with.

i want to escape... to go away... there's too much shame... too much embarrassment... too much of too much.





(i could do with some hugs, if you have them to spare)

If you aren't there yet, you aren't there yet. As an alternative, write about pretty much what you posted above. Explore your fears and anxieties about even thinking about doing the homework. It's kind of like when my students are free writing and they don't know what to write about. I tell them to write about not knowing what to write about and go from there. They actually end up with interesting and insightful pieces that way. They surprise even themselves.

[Thornsandroses]

Bunch of hugs comin your way! From one Rose to another....
(((((rainbow_rose))))))

[rainbow8]

((((((((rainbow_rose)))))))) I know how it is to go deeper in therapy. It's hard, but it can be worth it!

Can you do a little of the homework? Just get your toes wet with it? Do you have a chance to tell or email your T that it's too hard for you? Is she going away? Maybe she could change it so it's more bearable for you, or maybe you can even do that for yourself.

I know you don't want to share what it is here. I know you'd get support and help, but I understand how difficult that is for you.

Maybe, when T gets back, you can focus on the shame and embarrassment before you get into the "issue" itself? Like, work with reducing the shame first?

I know, for myself, I feel a lot of shame about my feelings and behavior. Lots of people feel shame but it's usually unwarranted. If something happened to you that wasn't your fault, it's not something to be ashamed of. If you did something or feel something, no matter what, it's not something to be ashamed of either. Whatever it is, can you accept it and not judge yourself any more?

Easier to say, I know! Sorry if I'm rambling too much. I'll stop. I just want to help but feel ineffective with my words. Sending you lots of hugs. That I know I can do right.

I agree with farmergirl - if you're not ready, you're not ready. Especially with such a long gap between sessions. Don't put pressure on yourself to do it. You're really very courageous for going deep with therapy because it can be incredibly difficult and painful. If you can manage the homework later, fine, but if you just can't right now, then let it go. You could always do it at a future date, right? Maybe when there's a shorter time between sessions when you and T can work through what comes up.

Just offering hugs and I hope posting here helps until T gets back.

only do what you feel you can. theres no rush♥

[yang0868]

rainbow rose . I'm so sorry your in so much pain. Please take one step at a time. If you feel that things are going too fast in therapy, I think you need to let your T know this. Don't rush things. Are you allowed or able to contact her in between appointments? and why is your next appointment 2.5 weeks out? Can you see her sooner? So sorry again.