[KazzaX]

Well I have had about 6 sessions so far with this new therapist. Its "schema therapy". Never done that one before. But it struck me after the last session that I think this therapy is having some sort of effect!

The last session was hardcore. I think she is kicking it up into high gear now. She explains a lot of info to me at the start of the session and then later she triggers me off (only a little bit). Then when I am sitting there seething, she asks me questions. I think she wants me to do something with that acid feeling that you get when you are raging. I think that is the broken bit inside me and it needs sorting out. One thing I have noticed is that even when she only slightly triggers me, a lot of BS comes out of my mouth when I am sitting in the puddle of acid, so to speak. No idea why.

I come out of the sessions feeling like I have been emotionally violated. You know that feeling where you feel like your soul has been ripped in half and the world as you know it is over today? that is the one.

It takes ALL MY WILLPOWER not to reduce the people around me into a bloody pulp when I come out of those sessions and catch the train to go home. But the bottom line is this - the therapy is having an effect on me. And that has gotta mean something productive is going on. Woohoo!

[unaluna]

details, I want details! Sorry, I know this isn't the boys' gym locker room, but I am just so glad to hear you feel you're getting somewhere! i've read about schema therapy, I need things to not be so nebulous, the schema really help.

[WikidPissah]

so cool that you've hooked on something that works. I have only read bits and pieces about schema, but I recall someone else here on PC was looking into this not so long ago.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Very cool description of the therapy you're going through. I'm very glad it is working for you.

[Fixated]

I'm glad you feel it is doing something, but are you supposed to leave her office still in such a rage? If it gets to a point where you think it's affecting your everyday life, maybe she can help you transition more.

I don't know of schema therapy, so maybe I am off.

[KazzaX]

Thanks for the support guys!

I knew it was going to be a bit different because the first session I went in, the T described what a schema was and gave me some papers that described what a schema is. And there was lottssss of examples of schemas there on those papers. One of them matched me exactly - the anger thing!

And it also answers why I cannot enjoy anything and apathetic all the time and can't shower/wash clothes/clean etc. No other therapy could tell me that. She even showed me a diagram that showed me visually why this is so - isn't that crazy? And it made a LOT of sense.

Apparently its because the "vulnerable" part of me wants to do these things, then the critical part of me kicks in and starts up with a vengeance. Then I get sick of the critical part so I go CHOP and cut off all the feelings and just put a stop to everything (via the schema) and its like the schema says "STOP... nobody move.. nobody is going to do a THING". But the bizarre part is that I have no awareness of any of this - its all subconscious. Something along those lines I think. But basically any time I have to access the "vulnerable part" of me my defense mechanism is to start up the schema and chop off the feelings and be disconnected.