[skysblue]

It was last November that texting began - innocuous enough. Only because her voicemail box was full, she was on vacation and I needed to let her know something about our appointment.

Then I would text her small stuff - again timing or simple short info stuff.

Then I began texting my feelings to her after session.

I would apologize but she would tell me it was o.k.

Then I began texting more often. Not expecting nor even wanting a reply. It was a way to release and let out some emotions.

I would apologize again. But she would not only tell me it was o.k but encouraged me to text as often as I wanted.

Before the texting habit began in November, I would leave at least one message on voicemail per week, sometimes more. Again, she told me I could call as often as I wanted. We had agreed that she would not pick up phone and would not return calls unless I requested.

Texting is easier for me. And T admitted it's easier and simpler for her.

But what has happened it that texting is exposing me more to her. See, when I feel emotional I cannot resist sending her a short text. If I waited until session I might forget all about the emotion or decide I don't want to address it.

The texts show T what's been going on with me emotionally and sometimes I really regret her knowing by the time session rolls around.

If only texting were not available. Next session she will know about some emotions that have passed already.

She gets the 'hot' version of an experience cuz I text while revved up. If I replay my feelings days later, she would probably get the 'cold' version.

So, I'm unveiled. And there are sometimes I would just wish to keep a blanket over my head.

[carly011]

I know what you mean. I email my T, she encourages it as a coping method for me. So when i get upset, i get on the computer and just start writing an email. She learns things i would never have the guts to say in person, she knows more about me then i want her to know.

But it's probably a good thing we are doing these things. That way our T's get to know ALL parts of us and help us work through those problems

[Mike_J]

Is being "unveiled" such a bad thing? I know there are times that I want to keep things/feelings/thoughts from my therapist, but for some reason when I'm sitting in front of her I can't they all come out. Often is embarrasing and I regret saying them but I think it's overall a good thing that I'm "unveiled" though in a differant way than you are.

[eskielover]

I think it's a great way to communicate....for me...like you say, by the time I have my appointment every 2 weeks.....things have passed right out of my mind.....if I weren't doing the diary cards for my DBT.....I would truly loose everything & even those are sketchy & don't always touch on the deeper emotions that happen because I don't always do the daily diary cards on a daily basis like I really should.

[mixedup_emotions]

It's good to be able to express yourself when the emotions arise, and that your T is willing to provide you with that avenue.

My T does not prefer that we communicate in writing. It's a crutch for me, as I am able to express more in writing outside of the room than communicate verbally, face to face.

[tuxyjenn]

I've been doing this recently for the past few weeks. for the past few days I have been getting dreams and I text her that I have had one. today was one. and I am in Bad Me mode and told her that I didn't want to do what she tells me, that I don't want to listen to her, that I don't like her. That I am not sure I want to see her on monday. that i have no idea about the one on thursday.
I donno anymore. :""""(

[Nightlight]

My T tells me it's okay to text her but I'm so paranoid about bugging her when she'd rather not deal with my craziness, so I almost never text. I do write down what I'm feeling during those awful times and take the writing to my appointments. So I guess I unveil myself myself then. It's always hard, being past the point of when the emotions were running high, and then still sharing it all, but T thinks it helps me. Really it's when I struggle the most, and so it does help that T knows it all, and can help me with the thoughts and feelings I most struggle with. I could never fit my crazy thoughts into a text message anyway...so she gets pages of writing instead.

Sometimes we need that distance to enable us to be "real". When I've emailed something I dreadxthexfirst eye too eye contact in the next session, but at least it's there then, in the room with is whether I'm able to verbalise it or not.

[rainbow8]

skysblue, I'm the same way. I email my T after my session without censoring or proofreading. It pours out of me! I print my emails and reread them during the week, wondering where these feelings come from, and why do I have such a need to tell my T everything I feel about the session? Like you, if I waited, I wouldn't write what I do. She gets to see what's going on in my heart and mind, the unedited version.

I feel embarrassed sometimes too, like WHY did I tell her all that? My T doesn't bring up my emails in the session unless I do, though. But I'm surprised when she remembers what I said! She reads them all but doesn't answer them.

I think we writers just have to write.

[Crescent Moon]

You explained how it works perfectly, Skysblue. Your texting experience is similar to mine. I just hadn't thought about it like you put it. I think it really has given my therapist "real time" insight into my inner-workings, which has probably really helped therapy. In session she has always brought up anything potent that I've texted, and I think it's been really helpful because I don't think attempting to 'retell' a potent experience that had happened days earlier would work very well for me.

[SoupDragon]

Yes this is how e-mailing started for me - none initially, then had to send one re: a session and it became my preferred way of getting stuff out. I battle with it as I think it would be better to share these things face to face and T will not bring them up in the session unless I do.

T does encourage me to, but I wonder for me if it is a bit of a cop out, I can get the things out without having to feel more vulnerable by letting T actually see any emotions.

Thanks for sharing skysblue - Soup

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

Is being "unveiled" such a bad thing? I know there are times that I want to keep things/feelings/thoughts from my therapist, but for some reason when I'm sitting in front of her I can't they all come out. Often is embarrasing and I regret saying them but I think it's overall a good thing that I'm "unveiled" though in a differant way than you are.

No, it's not a bad thing. And I usually can be open with my T about most things. My typical emotional state in session is embarrassment. I am so used to feeling that when facing her that it almost feels normal now.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

It's good to be able to express yourself when the emotions arise, and that your T is willing to provide you with that avenue.

My T does not prefer that we communicate in writing. It's a crutch for me, as I am able to express more in writing outside of the room than communicate verbally, face to face.

My T doesn't allow email. She's very wise in that regard. If she did I would probably send her book length tracts each week - multiple tracts. I woudn't be able to help myself.

With texting, it's like tweeting on Twitter. You have only a few words to express the essence of the emotion or thought. It's actually a nice way to distill the feelings.

So, I wouldn't say it lands in the category of much communication but just offer T hints of what I'm going through.

I do bring in things I've written because I can convey my feelings better in that mode of expression. But I also realize the writings are a 'report' and do not engage my emotions as much as when she and I have in-depth conversation. So, I do understand the limits of writing and I agree with those T's who discourage too much of it.

But, in session only once have I had a small experience of mutism. Normally I am self-propelled and T hardly had a chance to say anything.

It's just that the texts I send reflect an intense emotion felt at that particular moment and T gets to know about it.

[carly011]

Originally Posted by skysblue

My T doesn't allow email. She's very wise in that regard. If she did I would probably send her book length tracts each week - multiple tracts. I woudn't be able to help myself.

With texting, it's like tweeting on Twitter. You have only a few words to express the essence of the emotion or thought. It's actually a nice way to distill the feelings.

So, I wouldn't say it lands in the category of much communication but just offer T hints of what I'm going through.

I do bring in things I've written because I can convey my feelings better in that mode of expression. But I also realize the writings are a 'report' and do not engage my emotions as much as when she and I have in-depth conversation. So, I do understand the limits of writing and I agree with those T's who discourage too much of it.

But, in session only once have I had a small experience of mutism. Normally I am self-propelled and T hardly had a chance to say anything.

It's just that the texts I send reflect an intense emotion felt at that particular moment and T gets to know about it.

hahaha yes i did just end up writing a book to my T practically haha I email her...at least a few times a week. And i felt so bad last night when i sent her my book sized email that i said sorry for bothering you. She emailed me back and said i wasnt bothering her and could email as much as i needed to.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by carly011

hahaha yes i did just end up writing a book to my T practically haha I email her...at least a few times a week. And i felt so bad last night when i sent her my book sized email that i said sorry for bothering you. She emailed me back and said i wasnt bothering her and could email as much as i needed to.

Lucky you!!!

[carly011]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Lucky you!!!

hahaha probably knows i would forget about it during before i get there!! i have a horrible memory! plus she tried to encourage email as a coping skill instead of self harming

[SoupDragon]

What did people do before e-mail and text I wonder? Did they write letters to post, or use the phone more?

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

What did people do before e-mail and text I wonder? Did they write letters to post, or use the phone more?

There was this thing called a telephone where we actually spoke to the person we wanted to communicate with. We were able to hear their voices so through the inflection of their voices we were better able to understand what was being said without misinterpretation, and if we had questions of that person we could immediately ask them and get a response rather than checking and rechecking our computers for emails that may or may not come. It was a handy dandy device.

[stopdog]

Letters. They took effort and time. Not a bad thing.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Letters. They took effort and time. Not a bad thing.

Yup. It's a lost art. It's a shame really.

Originally Posted by farmergirl

We were able to hear their voices so through the inflection of their voices we were better able to understand what was being said without misinterpretation

Well, say rather that it led to a different set of misinterpretations. You can edit and fix potential ambiguities in an email message - you can't do that in spoken conversation. And spoken conversation over the phone is stripped of visual clues in the form of facial expressions and body language, which I believe our brains are hardwired to expect (I'm not a neurolinguist though so this is just my speculation).

[skysblue]

I think all forms of communication have their value and also their downside. For me, writing long tracts helps me 'see the forest through the trees.' I can explore, analyze, dig in and excavate and the very process of writing releases some insights that wouldn't be possible by just thinking about them. I share some of what I call my 'ponderings' in session but I do believe, for me, just sending them off to her would not have the same value as discussing them in session.

Texting has its value because it forces me to distill complex emotions into just a few words. This is a good discipline for me. It helps me focus and helps me more clearly communicate my feelings.

I will leave voicemails with T when the situation or emotion is too aroused or too complicated to condense into a short text. Even if i were allowed to send emails, T hearing my voice will convey the emotion better than the written word.

The rare times T and I have had a 'live' telephone conversation has been good but still a bit awkward. This is my least preferred way to communicate with her. I feel guilty about taking up her time and I feel more tongue tied. When she leaves me voice mails I can replay them as often as needed in order to really understand her message.

Even in session I don't 'hear' what she's saying many times and regularly I forget what she tells me.

But the body language I pick up on in session conveys much more than words. And the FEELING I leave session with is the most important.

I am glad I have these different ways of communicating with my therapist and equally glad I'm not allowed to email (for reasons given earlier)

[Butterflies Are Free]

My T does not text or use email with me because she said that she can hear more from my voice(phone or in person). I think I like this because then there is no/little misunderstanding on either end.

[Sr564231]

wow i wish i had the guts to do that! i never speak to my therapist outside sessions even though some times i really want too.