[granite1]

i didn't want to hijack franki's post about telling your T that you miss them but it did make me so curious about these statements

i have been seeing my T for about 3 years now i have never said or asked these things.but i do read about others saying them to there T
i miss you
do you care for me?
can i have a hug?
i like/love you
i need you
i think about you
do you think about me?
do you want me to stay/leave?
can i see you more often?
and a bunch of other personal things like these

i am not saying i don't think these things like missing my T and so on but i have never said a word to her about it. i don't know what her reaction would be.it truly terrifies me.
i would love to hear from people who have said/asked these things of there T and how did it feel and how did T react?

i closest i ever came was asking T to change my day.it was horrible and i never let her know why i asked .only general i don't like Mondays.

i would love to hear from others

[stopdog]

I have told the one I see that I don't despise her.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T has told me that she cares about me. Freaked me out and I told her she wasn't allowed to. Of course, then we had to have a whole discussion about it.

I have told my T that I like working with her. I haven't told or asked her most of those other things. But, I also tend to be very indirect about things. To me, telling my T that I'm worried about losing our connection when we have a break is my way of saying that I'll miss her. Saying that I like working with her is my way of saying that I like her. I'm working on being more direct, but it's super hard for me.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have told the one I see that I don't despise her.

what was her reaction. i never refer to anything about our relationship.i think she tries saying stuff like she wants me to get to the point of trust i ignore it

[granite1]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

My T has told me that she cares about me. Freaked me out and I told her she wasn't allowed to. Of course, then we had to have a whole discussion about it.

I have told my T that I like working with her. I haven't told or asked her most of those other things. But, I also tend to be very indirect about things. To me, telling my T that I'm worried about losing our connection when we have a break is my way of saying that I'll miss her. Saying that I like working with her is my way of saying that I like her. I'm working on being more direct, but it's super hard for me.

i dont think i could ever tell her i feel connected.what does she say

[kiki86]

telling my T that i liked him was so awkward and uncomfortable and horrible but i'm glad i did. i think he knew anyway but i needed to say it. but we also talk a lot about the nature of our relationship because it's part of MBT. i think it's a good thing.

Originally Posted by granite1

i miss you
do you care for me?
can i have a hug?
i like/love you
i need you
i think about you
do you think about me?
do you want me to stay/leave?
can i see you more often?
and a bunch of other personal things like these

No, never. The closest I came to saying "I like you" was when we were talking about personal and professional relationships, and I said "I like my physician, I like my dentist, and I like you." I sort of tossed him in at the end, all casual-like. Mrs Cool, that's me He immediately said, "And I like you" and the conversation continued.

I'm so skittish about talking about my relationship with him that I can't even bring myself to use the words "our relationship". Instead I call it "the therapeutic relationship." Pathetic. But he knows I have trouble with relationships and we're working on it, but I just can't bring myself to discuss any feelings I have towards him. I talk around it all the time, but I think it's enough for him to have a pretty good idea what I'm feeling. I know he won't push me on it, so I just avoid all of those phrases you listed.

You're not alone, granite! I do envy those people who are able to say those things .....

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by granite1

what was her reaction. i never refer to anything about our relationship.i think she tries saying stuff like she wants me to get to the point of trust i ignore it

It was in response to the woman telling me she liked me. I think she thought I was a little overly mushy.

[WikidPissah]

I told my t that "I am having difficulty with the whole attachment thing". lol...he just sat back and said, "well then, let's talk about it." OMG...almost crapped my undies. We kind of talked, well mostly he talked and I listened. He told me he was really attached to his T and that made me feel better. But I have been systematically cutting him out of my life since them.

[critterlady]

Of the things you listed, I've only ever told him that I think of him outside of sessions. I really would like to ask him for a hug, but I don't think I'm brave enough for that.

We do talk about our relationship, though. I just don't talk about how I feel about him. Or I haven't yet, anyway.

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

No, never. The closest I came to saying "I like you" was when we were talking about personal and professional relationships, and I said "I like my physician, I like my dentist, and I like you." I sort of tossed him in at the end, all casual-like. Mrs Cool, that's me He immediately said, "And I like you" and the conversation continued.

I'm so skittish about talking about my relationship with him that I can't even bring myself to use the words "our relationship". Instead I call it "the therapeutic relationship." Pathetic. But he knows I have trouble with relationships and we're working on it, but I just can't bring myself to discuss any feelings I have towards him. I talk around it all the time, but I think it's enough for him to have a pretty good idea what I'm feeling. I know he won't push me on it, so I just avoid all of those phrases you listed.

You're not alone, granite! I do envy those people who are able to say those things .....

i have never asked or wanted any of those things said to me. he did say in the beginning. " i like you and i care about you" and i told him not to say that, and he quit. he never ever used the word relationship until the other night. always said "collaboration" not sure if i liked the change.
it was a great session. i felt cared for, but most of the time i really just want to remain invisible. i just want him to fix me. i don't want any relationships. too painful i think

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

I told my t that "I am having difficulty with the whole attachment thing". lol...he just sat back and said, "well then, let's talk about it." OMG...almost crapped my undies. We kind of talked, well mostly he talked and I listened. He told me he was really attached to his T and that made me feel better. But I have been systematically cutting him out of my life since them.

thanks for the laugh still laughing....

i am sorry that you are cutting him out of your life though...

[sarahplainandshort]

These seem to be all sort of attachment-related to me (or maybe that's just my perspective from working with an attachment-oriented T). So, I guess the most attachment-related thing I've ever said to my T was the week after he had to cancel a session: "I missed being here last week."

He seemed very interested in that remark, which of course squicked me out, so I changed the subject as quickly as possible. He, on the other hand, says something along these lines just about every week--if not explicitly, then a least something meant to reflect his positive regard for me. A first this horrified and embarrassed me, but after a year and a half, I'm beginning to believe he really means what he says and he's not just shining me on.

[unaluna]

I brought T italian cheese and key limes yesterday. he said he never had key limes before except already made into pie. I was gonna bring him this stuff last week, but he never answered my text. because he never GOT my text (asking him if he ate full-fat cheese). he said he would have answered my text if he had gotten it and showed me my previous texts on his phone, and I remembered what had happened. but I also TOTALLY justified it to myself for a whole week, that it was okay to be ignored, that that was the kind of r/s I WANTED. my mother trained me very very well. T is having a hard time undoing it.

so in this book i'm reading, The Emotionally Absent Mother (by jasmin lee cori), I'm in Chapter 9 now, and it says:

Some examples of unmet childhood needs that show up in adult life include:
- needing a LOT of support and reassurance
- feeling insecure, jealous and angry when your partner is not responsive to your needs right away
...
- tolerating an unusual amount of abandonment or unavailability of your partner or reacting to it in ways reminiscent of how you felt as a child
- not expecting emotional closeness from your partner (because you didn't get it from your partner and don't expect it from anyone). I know T is not my partner, but I also know I am acting out MY pattern with him.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by granite1

i didn't want to hijack franki's post about telling your T that you miss them but it did make me so curious about these statements

i have been seeing my T for about 3 years now i have never said or asked these things.but i do read about others saying them to there T
i miss you
do you care for me?
can i have a hug?
i like/love you
i need you
i think about you
do you think about me?
do you want me to stay/leave?
can i see you more often?
and a bunch of other personal things like these

i am not saying i don't think these things like missing my T and so on but i have never said a word to her about it. i don't know what her reaction would be.it truly terrifies me.
i would love to hear from people who have said/asked these things of there T and how did it feel and how did T react?

i closest i ever came was asking T to change my day.it was horrible and i never let her know why i asked .only general i don't like Mondays.

i would love to hear from others

I've told my current T the statements I've bolded. I think it took about 8 years and 3 Ts to get to that point, though! It felt very scary at first!!! I was embarrassed and felt like sinking through the floor! I think I said "I like you" by the second session, and that wasn't so hard, because I did, and do like her. Telling her "I love her" has been about the hardest to say, and I don't think I've said it directly, but sort of threw it in various ways, like "the child part loves you", signing "love" in an email, and beating around the bush about it.

I know my T said "I'm flattered" once when I gave her a compliment. That may have been about how much I like her eyes. She has said "I like you" to me and "you're very special", and maybe once "I missed you". She always reacts in a perfect way about these things! Well, when it gets into my pattern she wants to talk about how I can get that in RL, but still, she never criticizes me for talking about our relationship.

Whereas, former T told me "I don't want to be the object of your addiction". Yeah, when I didn't leave her house that time, she could have given me 1 minute to ask if I was okay! She never went over the 50 minutes, not even by a minute.

[franki_j]

I have said none of these things, except for the "I miss you" one, via email. I have said, via email "I'm excited to see you." and "I look forward to seeing you." One time during session, towards the end, she said that it was good to see me, and I said that I was really happy to see her. And sometimes, very occasionally, when we have sessions less than a week apart b/c she has to go somewhere and won't be there on her regular day, she has said that it's good to see me. But that's about it. I honestly doubt if she will tell me on Friday that she will miss me. Because first of all, I understand that it is natural for me to miss her more than she will miss me (if she will miss me at all, which is doubtful), and second of all, I don't think that's really her style.

[lostmyway21]

i miss you: he said it was okay to miss him while he was on vacation.

do you care for me? ...I asked cause I was pissed and was doubting our relationship. He told me he cares very deeply about me and my progress.

can i have a hug? ...no, but he understands my need for it

i like/love you...love, he said "I get that it is a endearing feeling and understand it given what you went through. We have a great therapeutic relationship"

do you want me to stay/leave? ...he told me he wants me to stay and work on things when things have got hard.

can i see you more often?...he moved me to twice a week because HE thought I needed it

Hope that helps.

[stopdog]

Granite what do you think the therapist would do to you if you said any of these things? Do you want to be able to say them to her?

I've never said any of those things to my T. I haven't really felt compelled to or the need to. Like someone earlier said, they all seem very attachment oriented kinds of questions, and that has not been an issue in my therapy. People work on a variety of issues in therapy, so the kinds of questions we ask is naturally going to vary by our needs.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by granite1

i didn't want to hijack franki's post about telling your T that you miss them but it did make me so curious about these statements

i have been seeing my T for about 3 years now i have never said or asked these things.but i do read about others saying them to there T
i miss you
do you care for me?
can i have a hug?
i like/love you
i need you
i think about you
do you think about me?
do you want me to stay/leave?
can i see you more often?
and a bunch of other personal things like these

i am not saying i don't think these things like missing my T and so on but i have never said a word to her about it. i don't know what her reaction would be.it truly terrifies me.
i would love to hear from people who have said/asked these things of there T and how did it feel and how did T react?

i closest i ever came was asking T to change my day.it was horrible and i never let her know why i asked .only general i don't like Mondays.

i would love to hear from others

Similar to your, granite, I have said:
I miss you
I will miss you
I missed you
Do you think about your patients when you're gone? (couldn't say "me")
I'll bet you hate the days that I come
I'll bet you dread seeing me
I need you SO much
I want to come twice a week (and now I do)
I want to come every day of the week (ha, fantasy)
I didn't want to come today
You seem annoyed with me (one of the hardest things I've said)
I think about you a LOT
I fantasize grabbing ahold of your leg (like a child) and never letting go, and you have to drag me everywhere you go.
I wonder what your arm feels like (she often wears sleeveless dresses/tops)

and the one that even I about: --
I am attracted to your breasts

Like stopdog, I'm curious about what YOU would ask your T, if you could ask anything you wanted, Granite. If you knew beyond any doubt nothing bad were doing to happen, which question would you ask?

Personally, I have told my therapist that I love him although not in a romantic way. When I was really freaked out that I had sexual thoughts about him, I discussed that with him, but in a kind of generic way -- no specifics. I'm much more comfortable with 'I love you' than I am discussing sexual feelings for him. I tell my friends (both male and female) I love them, so it seems much more akin to that.

[unaluna]

My T shocked me Thursday. I have this thing where I call myself, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!", you know? So I do it during session Thursday, and he goes, "you know, I find myself doing that at least once a day and it reminds me of you" or I think of you, or I don't remember exactly how he put it - then he goes, "but you go to it pretty quickly, to put yourself down?" I was like, "omg, i'm so sorry I put that in your head!" on the other hand, he said it makes him laugh at himself, so I like that. I take a quick look at The New Yorker in his waiting room. I usually get there just in time, so I only get a minute or two, but lately it seems like I zero in on THE PERFECT cartoon or article for him. I told him I see myself as his magazine "curator", as Gordon Ramsay used the word recently! I told T now I don't have to marry him anymore, I have a word for what I do by presenting him with these special bits. That emotionally absent book says we need someone to see not only our pain, but our potential.

it's still very scary at home by myself, where I just sit. I talk good in therapy, but you all do much better than I do IRL - you actually have real lives and spouses and stuff, mostly. not that anybody is comparing. we can learn and borrow bravery from each other, right?

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by granite1

i miss you

Nope

Originally Posted by granite1

do you care for me?

I've never asked T if she cares about me, but she's told me she does.

Originally Posted by granite1

I like/love you

Yup! I've told T I like her a lot, and she's told me she likes me a lot, too. She tells me I'm one of her favorite clients to talk to. And, when I switched my session to a different day one week, she said: "I saw you in my schedule this morning and I was like 'Yay! I get to see Scorpio a day early!'" She also frequently says "You're one of a kind!" and "You're definitely not a stereotype!" I think it's funny... and true!

Yes, I've told T I love her. She's never explicitly said "I love you" back but she has said things like "I love working with you," "I really care about you," "I love your sense of humor," and "I love your honesty. You sure say it like it is!"

Originally Posted by granite1

Can I have a hug?

Yup! I asked "Do you allow hugs?" and smiled and said "Awww. Would you like a hug?" I said "yes" and she got right up and threw her arms around me. Now we hug at the end of every session. In fact, last session, I started walking out without hugging her (I forgot) and she stopped me at the door and said "You didn't hug me!" So, I turned back around and gave her hug.

Originally Posted by granite1

i need you

No. I don't think I NEED her. But I sure do benefit from seeing her!

Originally Posted by granite1

i think about you

No, not as in "I think about you between sessions." Though I have said "oh, I saw X this week and it reminded me think of you."

Originally Posted by granite1

do you think about me?

No, I've never asked. But she's told me she has. Like, one week, a wore a cute little white dress to session. Then, the next week, she said she saw a dress that looked like mine in a store window. She said she immediately thought "oh, that's like that dress I liked of Scorpio's! I'll have to ask her if she shops there." Ironically, it was a store I hate!

Originally Posted by granite1

do you want me to stay/leave?

Nope. It's never come up.

Originally Posted by granite1

can i see you more often?

I've never asked for more frequent appointments, but I have asked for an "extra" session on a couple of ocassions when something has come up. She's always said yes.

[vaffla]

OMG, things I have said to my T... Are you ready for this?
Some of these were said in writing only, some in writing and face to face:

I love you
I am crazy about you
I love you SO MUCH
I will miss you/missed you
I thought about you a lot
I wish I could come to your house/have you over at my house
I wish we could spend holidays together
I wish I could go with you on your vacation
I wish I could hug you/kiss you/touch your face
I wish we could be together in bed cuddling
I have sexual fantasies about you
I am sexually aroused now
I am curious to know everything about you
I am curious about your sexuality
I am curious about your bathroom habits
I fantasize about you when I masturbate
I would like to smell your skin and taste your kisses
I would like to see you when you are coming

enough?

Ive got some pretty bold and pretty silly young alters who say anything on their minds...so different from me. They tell t stuff like theythink shes pretty, do you love me, do you like me, do you think im pretty, we love you so much, we miss you, etc.. T is very sweet and fun and understands it all. The other day she and one of the teenagers were fighting and they were calling each other ***** and stupid- head t can take anything we tell her i think.