[lonelyplanet]

Just a short one for today. Went to my session on Wednesday. Not too bad apart from being told its unacceptable to go in to T when I'm out of it on Valium etc. which I took exception to at the time (but now that I've calmed down I do understand). I was actually very hurt when she said this to me, which obviously I didn't say, even though she asked me how I felt about it lol

Anyway, she said next week she WILL NOT under any circumstances be starting the session. She said its okay to sit in silence, but that I have to instigate the session. OMG this is completely freaking me out. I have loads I want to talk about obviously and we do talk about things and I do find it all very good for me, but please I just don't know how to start it off and she knows this. I think she is being extremely unreasonable, or is it me thats being a bit off on this one. I now have to go in next week (no anxiety meds before hand) and kick start the conversation. Would love to hear any suggestions.

Thanks

[lostmyway21]

I think it's a little unreasonable to not help if a client gets stuck. My T would never do that. BUT all T's are different and have different approaches.

not totally unreasonable. its their job to push us out of our comfort zones. if they always do all the work that negates the very reason we go to counseling to begin with. it helps us to grow♥

[sittingatwatersedge]

you could bring something with you for "show and tell" - an old photograph, your journal, a drawing you did, etc?

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by TrinityDancer

not totally unreasonable. its their job to push us out of our comfort zones. if they always do all the work that negates the very reason we go to counseling to begin with. it helps us to grow♥

That makes me feel a little better, cos I was starting to panic that it might be because I'm being difficult and she maybe wants to get rid of me, but what you said makes sense. Still I hope I can do it, and we don't end up with me staring at the floor/ceiling in silence for the whole hour. How embarrassing would that be.

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by TrinityDancer

not totally unreasonable. its their job to push us out of our comfort zones. if they always do all the work that negates the very reason we go to counseling to begin with. it helps us to grow♥

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

you could bring something with you for "show and tell" - an old photograph, your journal, a drawing you did, etc?

I suppose I could do that. This is the first week I've been thinking about sessions between sessions. I'm thinking I might type out something. If I can get up the courage to actually use it that would be good. She asked me if I woudl like to read out of my journal this week, but I said no. I said she could if she wanted, but she said she would rather I do it. Yikes me thinks its gonna be a difficult session next week. Thanks hun

[sunrise]

Before the session, when you are not under the pressure of sitting there and being expected to produce for your T, decide one thing you would most like to talk about and write it on a piece of paper. Bring the paper to session with you and if you get tongue-tied, just read off of the paper, "today I would like to talk about X." And then go from there. The first sentence is the hardest.

At my sessions, I choose what we speak about and begin. This is because my T wants to be sure we talk about what I need to talk about, not what he guesses I need to talk about. I do not think it is unusual for a T to want the client to do this. If you aren't used to it, it can be stressful, though!

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

I do what Sunrise suggested every session.

I usually just say, "I want to talk about X". And then I'll start talking about x. T will chime in shortly.

It's really not very hard. When I "allow" her to say something at the start of session she always asks how I've been or how I've been feeling. Those questions don't do anything for me. But my T is old school client-centered, strengths-based approach, which means that they believe clients are empowered by taking charge of a session, and anything else is patronizing/putting the T in the "expert" role.

[BashfulBear]

Ex-T was the same as LMTL's T.. it could be very uncomfortable at times, but it was always worth being pushed out of my comfort zone.

I definitely agree with the suggestion of having a written prompt - such a good idea! I'm one of those people who panics and forgets what they wanted to say, so it's so useful to be able to look down, read what's been written, and get the session back on track!

[lonelyplanet]

Well okay so, its decided. I will try the writing down something and see if that works. When I go in to the Session and we sit down, I do the usual .... put the jacket on my legs & put the bag on top and sort of look embarrassed around me up and down etc anywhere but at the T. She doesn't say anything but if I look at her she kind of smiles but still says nothing and when the silence goes on for too long thats when she wil start. A few weeks ago, when I felt the silence went on too long, I just got up and walked out, which I guess was pretty rude. I don't want that to happen again. I would like my T to be the Expert. I don't mind her bieng the Expert, it would suit me just fine

I really hope this Therapy gets easier with time, its very hard, but sometimes when I leave a session I actually feel a bit better. I'm seriously going to try. I'll let you guys know if it works. Not til next Wednesday, so that gives me plenty of time. Thanks for all the replies. It really helps

[SoupDragon]

I find this really hard too.

Wonder if that would be a thing for you to start with? For example, I am finding it really hard knowing what to say, I feel more comfortable when you start, I feel ......, have been worrying about it all week, or whatever you feel / think right then and there and then just see where it goes?

[tkdgirl]

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

That makes me feel a little better, cos I was starting to panic that it might be because I'm being difficult and she maybe wants to get rid of me, but what you said makes sense. Still I hope I can do it, and we don't end up with me staring at the floor/ceiling in silence for the whole hour. How embarrassing would that be.

There is nothing embarassing about being unable to talk and its ok to just sit sometimes.

While my T does start session with something generic like "how's it going" it is up to me to really start the session. Sometimes even after the opening line from T I still can't and just sit for a bit longer, luckily my T tries to "rescue" me by providing some generic prompting questions if I sit too long.

I'm not sure if your T does any grounding techniques with you but doing those at the beginning of the session may help. I know last session for some reason even after some prompting I didn't want to talk, so instead T started doing grounding techniques. I told T that I was present, as normally we only do grounding when I dissociate. T said sometimes its just good to try connect with your body which makes it easier for your mind to communicate. It ended up being just the help I needed to get started.

[stopdog]

Good luck with it. It is one of the requirements I have of a therapist - that they are able to start off with something and not leave me there in silence. I ask at the first appointment or on the phone and if they indicate that is how they work - client must start or sit for 50 minutes in silence - I know not to employ them. I know it works for some people and that is good.

[pbutton]

I have said "I don't know how to start." and he started giving me some prompts.

[unaluna]

my T just started wearing glasses. he's always had reading glasses, but his birthday is coming up and I suspect he needs these for driving now because he is wearing them all the time, they are virtually invisible on his face, and he is pretty invested in his appearance - well, as far as any guy who plays hockey can be! But it has changed how he behaves in session! I think he can actually SEE me now! OMG, yes, he actually described my pensive expression yesterday after he said something... hey, I want my money back for all those years he couldn't see! Vain turd. Anyway, now even his opening monologue has changed, he's not so quick to fill in the spaces. Why did I let this go on for so long? When we sat on the kiddie chairs, close together, he told me I was blurry, but I didn't say, put on your glasses, I need you to see me. I have such LOW expectations of people - as long as you're not killing me, i'm happy. that is sad. how do you get over that? that is some low fricking self esteem.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess

But my T is old school client-centered, strengths-based approach, which means that they believe clients are empowered by taking charge of a session

I guess my T is old school too. So new school is not client-centered? Is it therapist-centered?

[lonelyplanet]

Well guys it aint gonna matter now anyway, cos I quit. You might see my new post somewhere else. Completely messed it up. Anyway thanks for all the support. I only got to see these latest ones today cos I was away for the weekend. Have a good week all xx