[adel34]

Hi Everyone,
Not sure if this is the right forum for this topic, but I know it's one of the more active forums and I just need some support.
I'm having a hard time with my depression, mostly it comes out as me not having very much energy or trouble with getting myself to do stuff like get to meals (especially breakfast in the morning, and dinner if I'm sleeping in the afternoon) and I end up sleeping a lot. I know I'm going through a big transition in moving here almost a month ago. It was the right decission. I don't have to be with my alcoholic family, and I'm with others dealing with the same issue, everyone is blind. But it is a lot having come from another state very far away. I miss my cat, (you can't have pets in supportive living) and my voice movement therapist so much!
I want to eventually work with this organization for the blind where you can get an internship and a job, but I want to feel more settled in first. And it would be kind of stupid for me to start working if I have this problem with so much lack of energy and trouble with daily routeens.
I did meet this ocupational therapist this past week, who's pritty amazing. He has training in mental health counseling and is a music therapist as well, and he plans to help me with everything from learning to get around in and outside the building, to the daily routeen issue, and other stuff including starting a music therapy group for us residents. I'm happy about this. I think he'll be a good support for me. But we're trying to get my parent's insurance from the state I moved from to pay for this, and it's kind of stressful. I have my doubts that they'll aproove it. He says he'll work with me no matter what, but it's hard to trust that too.
It's so hard when my days are so up and down. I was pritty down this morning, slept most of the afternoon, had dinner listened to some of a book on tape. Then there was a resident party type thing on the fifth floor terrace of our building. We had music and snacks. I actually talked with people and felt ok. I had a conversation with one of the residents that's been here a long time, and is head of our counsel. He told me some things that he probably would have been better off not telling me, like stuff about possible budget cuts to this place and just other issues about how it's run and things that I probably don't need to know. It just makes me anxious. I just got here, I don't want anything happening to this place. It might have some things that are annoying about it, but overall it's great, and I feel safer here than I have anywhere else, in spite of the depression. I just go to the worst case senario, that it could close due to budget cuts and that I'd be right back at my parent's. I know that probably won't happen, or at least not very soon, but it's where a part of me goes.
So I just feel like I'm dealing with a lot. Things just aren't totally settled yet, like I still haven't found a therapist, and found out that the psychologists that come to where I'm living don't take medicade anyway. There's a low fee place I found about but just don't have the energy to call. There's just so much going on.

we are sorry things are so hard for you right now

adel34, I have suffered from depression and I understand the horrible lethargy that comes over you. I really hope you can find a therapist quickly. I would urge you to somehow grit your teeth and find the energy to arrange for a therapist. I tried many, many different antidepressants, but the most relief I found from depression was through therapy. I am hoping you find relief somehow quickly. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help, as a group here.

[adel34]

Thanks both of you for your support.
I know how important having a therapist is. This last year of college I actually saw two spaced out over the week, and I was the most stable I'd been in a long time with that arrangement.
I honestly wish more people lived in the city where I am now. I've posted a couple times about this, but I guess people just aren't from around here. It would be helpful to get others experiences about some of these local places that offer low cost mental health, even if it was done through PM and not publicly to respect people's privacy.
But like I said, you can't help where people live! (smile) And everyone here is so supportive, it's just so cool to know that you guys are there, and we can write each other from totally different places in the world.
I have been going to a free depression/ bipolar support group for the last couple weeks, at that center that I mentioned is one of the places with the low cost therapy. And that's ok. So hard because it's a drop in group and people come and go. Like there were a bunch of people I hadn't met my first week who came this past week, and then some people I met my first time weren't there last week. It just threw me off, and kind of made me not want to go back. Though I guess the center is fairly close to where I live, it took an hour to get home on paratransit (transportation for the disabled) because we had to pick someone up and then drop them off. I was so tired by the time I got home, and thought that I don't want to go next week. Though I know I probably should.

[ECHOES]

It sounds like you are doing well, considering all you have going on. It makes perfect sense that a big move and far away would be super stressful and could zap you of energy. You are resting because you need to, and that's okay!

It's a new place, new people, and your missing your cat and probably other things and people. All that takes a lot of a person's energy. A move can feel lonely too.

One day at a time

[adel34]

Thanks Echos.
That's what my voice movement therapist said in an e-mail, that if I'm getting more sleep now it's probably because of all I've been through in the past few months preparing for this move.
That talk with the resident counsel president really didn't do me much good last night. I stayed up until two thirty in the morning just so wound up about everything he said about the issues around here. Then again, I would have found out this stuff eventually.
And to top it off, the wireless internet in our rooms is down again so I have to hook up to internet in the computer room.
I'm deffinetely going to call some kind of therapy place Monday. Because I feel like everything is just building up.
Thanks for your support.

[ECHOES]

It sounds like you are feeling more hopeful I'm glad you've decided to call and I hope you'll let us know how it goes, if you care to share that.