[Honeybun]

I am feeling really confused in therapy right now. Not the usual confusion about memories, what is real what is not real or what feelings I'm feeling. This is real cognitive confusion. I'm beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me. I don't understand much of what T is saying, always asking him to explain things to me. I feel like I say something and he responds with something completely off topic, like two different conversations are going on. Then I leave and am totally f***ed up until next session. I do dissociate, but I don't think that is what is happening, that is a different feeling. I've been with T for 4 years, several times a week, so it isn't that we don't know each other and how to communicate with each other. I talked about it last session but nothing got resolved and it happened again today. Is it him or me or?? Anyone have any experience with this? To make matters worse he is going on vacation so I am left with this, plus all the other crap that happens when he leaves. Will I ever be able to cope with these absences?

There are times when I flat out say, "I have no idea what you are saying to me" or "I really don't know what you are asking me." It actually happens probably once a session, sometimes more. I'm not sure if that is the same thing as you are experience though.

For me, it is that feeling that I know he knows what he means, but it might as well be a foreign language to me at that moment. For whatever reason. And it works the other way as well. Sometimes he clearly doesn't get what I am saying. We just keep rephrasing, trying various analogies/examples, etc. until something finally clicks. Unfortunately it doesn't always click by the end of the session. That's truly frustrating, but it isn't for lack of effort I guess.

I don't think it is a cognitive issue on our part. It's just the nature of trying to convey feelings and concepts that are by nature very abstract and many times ambiguous.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Chris makes some good points but I wonder if there's something else going on.
I mentioned to T2 that when i do spiritual reading, sometimes I realize that I have just skipped over half a page. I have learned that there's probably something in there that I really need to hear, but am avoiding, so I deliberately go back and read the skipped part until I understand it.

Or in some book (Judith Herman's Trauma and Recovery was one), it can happen that I'm OK in the first few chapters but later on the author leaves me behind. As far as I can tell, I just have no frame of reference with which to grasp what she's talking about.

T2 talks sometimes about dealing with feelings, about handling things in a well adjusted way, and I look at her and say, I know what you just said is English, but the words make no sense to me. I don't have the frame of reference to understand. Mostly she will not try to make me understand, as Chris' T will; rather she will back up a little, and work on things at a lower level, so to speak, and maybe some day i will be ready for the higher things.

[AngelWolf3]

That happens to me too, sometimes, even though I am trying to stay grounded and listen carefully, it's like her lips are moving and i hear the words, but they make no sense to me whatsoever. I haven't reached the point where I have told her that yet though, so I don't know what it means when that happens. I wish I had advice for you, but I do know how you feel! Good luck, (I will be lurking this thread to pick up advice too!) Didn't mean to copy the little smilie guy from the previous post, but it was perfect!