[sittingatwatersedge]

I am a Ray Bradbury fan, and sometimes I see T2 as one of his Martians - a shape-shifter, who takes on the form that the other person needs just by picking up his/her thoughts and feelings. Then that client goes out, T2 reverts to her own face for a minute, until next client comes in, and the shifting begins anew.

For Bradbury's Martians this was exhausting and painful, sometimes even fatal. My T seems to thrive on it. if I can keep this image, maybe I can prevent trying to get personal ("human") reactions from her, when there's really a Martian there.

[likelife]

I'm not familiar with Ray Bradbury, but I see what you're saying. I think it's only natural, though, to want personal/human reactions from your T. You're being real with her, so why wouldn't you want her to be real in return.

I might be reading too much of my own experience into this, but I struggle when I feel as if my T is putting on her "T mask," and giving responses that sound as if they've been scripted from a textbook. Not sure if this is what you're referring to.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

T2 reverts to her own face for a minute, until next client comes in, and the shifting begins anew.

Watching that shifting would be disconcerting to me!

[sittingatwatersedge]

T2 doesn't use scripted phrases, but often the things she says reveal the fact that she is in that room a few feet away from me but still consciously at a distance.

"Last week you were able to verbalize that you..." , referring to the anguished moment when I managed to squeak out something I never thought would see the light of day.

"you have a great fear of rejection," when I was immobilized with it needing to tell her something negative, and too scared to say it...

She's not cold, not blank slate, she is very approachable; but she's still, and always, the woman behind the curtain, even when I am "engaged" and forget ... she too is engaged, but isn't, at same time.

...Shape shifter....

[Mike_J]

I like the personal connection with my therapist, and yes I know it's a one way connection and that when it gets broken (and it will) that I'm going to be horribly hurt.

That connection has helped me progress in therapy, and in the long view I think the positives will out weigh the pain that is on it's way.

I think there are different ways to look at the same thing, the thing that all T's do. I think they see it as "attunement" to the patient, and it seems to me that it must take a lot of concentration. Not exactly changing themselves, but being very in tune with how someone else is feeling and responding to that.

I asked my T once how he was able to switch between clients so quickly (sometimes he doesn't even take a 10-min break). He said it's like he has a computer chip in his head, and when I walk in he puts in the one labeled Bunny. When I leave, he takes it out and puts in the one for the next client. So this is how one therapist sees it.

[Dreamy01]

Wizard of Oz? It's my philosophy of life...I love it. So meaningful once you see the man behind the curtain as the flawed human parent.

Ah I think we're on different tracks...but the line stays!

[eskielover]

Guess that's why I like having my appointments right after lunch with my psychologist. She's been able to clear her mind from the morning sessions & start fresh in the afternoon with me.

There are some terminologies that psychologists use just like with any profession......is dealing with the things the way they see it.....just like when I was in my engineering career......my explanation of what was going on was the same with the other engineers as with those who were not an engineer but talking to me about it.

It's similar to the DBT group......the terminology is what it is no matter how technical......we learn how we DBT fits our life with it's terminology, it's not that easy to figure out how to fit DBT into our life with our own terminology because each person has their own terminology. Think the terminology helps us see better how what we are doing fits into the psychology we are going to therapy for (just a thought on this)....keeps me out of my emotional mind & helps me focus on the facts of what is really happening.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

T2 doesn't use scripted phrases, but often the things she says reveal the fact that she is in that room a few feet away from me but still consciously at a distance.

"Last week you were able to verbalize that you..." , referring to the anguished moment when I managed to squeak out something I never thought would see the light of day.

"you have a great fear of rejection," when I was immobilized with it needing to tell her something negative, and too scared to say it...

She's not cold, not blank slate, she is very approachable; but she's still, and always, the woman behind the curtain, even when I am "engaged" and forget ... she too is engaged, but isn't, at same time.

...Shape shifter....

Her language sounds kind of formal, and I'd agree, removed somewhat. I wonder if it's all the training that makes them seem less than human sometimes.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Oh, likelife, T2 seems very human to me. that's the thing with these Martians, they look and sound just like real people. except of course that they don't judge, or penalize, or press their grandchildren's photos on you, or otherwise act like the people you know IRL - there the resemblance stops.

I wonder if their families would recognize them if they encountered the T's in T mode? sort of the same way that we have to doubletake should we happen to spot them out IRL, outside of T mode?

my own shape-shifter gave me just a glimpse of her whole self this week. In retrospect, it seemed a sort of unspoken compliment to me, as if to say, you can handle this, but can I?

good thing it was at the very very end of the hour, I hope we don't do that again too soon.

[likelife]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Oh, likelife, T2 seems very human to me. that's the thing with these Martians, they look and sound just like real people. except of course that they don't judge, or penalize, or press their grandchildren's photos on you, or otherwise act like the people you know IRL - there the resemblance stops.

I wonder if their families would recognize them if they encountered the T's in T mode? sort of the same way that we have to doubletake should we happen to spot them out IRL, outside of T mode?

my own shape-shifter gave me just a glimpse of her whole self this week. In retrospect, it seemed a sort of unspoken compliment to me, as if to say, you can handle this, but can I?

good thing it was at the very very end of the hour, I hope we don't do that again too soon.

Lol, I'm glad she seems human. There I go, pressing my own insecurities onto others!

There is an unrealness (new word) to their demeanor, though, which stems from the things you talked about - not judging or penalizing and the like.

I think you can handle what your T offered. I wonder if it was something you anticipated or wanted. I can feel very mixed about my T offering her whole self to me. In theory, I want to know all of the parts of her. But in practice, it can be disconcerting. I've tried to force myself to view her as a whole person, with the hopes that I'd stop idealizing her so much. I'm not sure how well that's worked.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I am a Ray Bradbury fan, and sometimes I see T2 as one of his Martians - a shape-shifter, who takes on the form that the other person needs just by picking up his/her thoughts and feelings. Then that client goes out, T2 reverts to her own face for a minute, until next client comes in, and the shifting begins anew.

For Bradbury's Martians this was exhausting and painful, sometimes even fatal. My T seems to thrive on it. if I can keep this image, maybe I can prevent trying to get personal ("human") reactions from her, when there's really a Martian there.

Does she even have an "own face"?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Does she even have an "own face"?

certainly she does. Am I botherin you CE? sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

certainly she does. Am I botherin you CE? sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm the one who should apologise.

I'm obviously being much grumpier and more aggressive than I realise.

I've never seen my T's "own face" and I never expect to see it.
Actually, I have a long-standing issue with T's face. I just can't read it. I can't see the feelings she says are there. Maybe the blankness is in my eyes and not in her face?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I've never seen my T's "own face" and I never expect to see it.
Actually, I have a long-standing issue with T's face. I just can't read it. I can't see the feelings she says are there. Maybe the blankness is in my eyes and not in her face?

CE if you were to say T, I cannot see in your eyes, in your face, the feelings you say are there, I wonder what she would reply?

this is very thought provoking. I can't stand it when T is blank faced - she is sometimes, yes - and I work at chipping away at it. I ask her questions - not about her life outside that room, mostly, but about the process, about how she sees things (and me), and she answers. Not all T's will, from what I read on this forum. It's what I need; it does enough to restore the power balance that I can deal with it and go forward.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

CE if you were to say T, I cannot see in your eyes, in your face, the feelings you say are there, I wonder what she would reply?

I have told her exactly this. We don't have a solution yet.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I am a Ray Bradbury fan, and sometimes I see T2 as one of his Martians - a shape-shifter, who takes on the form that the other person needs just by picking up his/her thoughts and feelings. Then that client goes out, T2 reverts to her own face for a minute, until next client comes in, and the shifting begins anew.

For Bradbury's Martians this was exhausting and painful, sometimes even fatal. My T seems to thrive on it. if I can keep this image, maybe I can prevent trying to get personal ("human") reactions from her, when there's really a Martian there.

wow, proof i(of being a Martian shape-changer) is not always a great experience but at least it's proof.
I once asked T2 what her musical knowledge was (it is a big part of my life), & she told me that while growing up she took a couple yrs of lessons in one instrument. I had no further questions, I was fine with it.

however, that was some time ago...
now she tells me she also plays another, and entirely different, instrument... I can't understand why she'd not mention it before. it just seems so strange to me. It's not that I fish for her personal information, I really don't; but whatever she does tell me, I just want it to line up.
hmmm is this worth mentioning I wonder?

[learning1]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I am a Ray Bradbury fan, and sometimes I see T2 as one of his Martians - a shape-shifter, who takes on the form that the other person needs just by picking up his/her thoughts and feelings. Then that client goes out, T2 reverts to her own face for a minute, until next client comes in, and the shifting begins anew.

For Bradbury's Martians this was exhausting and painful, sometimes even fatal. My T seems to thrive on it. if I can keep this image, maybe I can prevent trying to get personal ("human") reactions from her, when there's really a Martian there.

I can identify with that a lot. With my most recent t, it's not only shape shifting from one client to the next, but from one session with me to the next. He swings back and forth, on about a 4 session cycle I think, from ridiculously supportive to cold and pushy. I am engaged enough that it affects me a lot, yet I can step back and it all seems fake.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I wonder if their families would recognize them if they encountered the T's in T mode?

I wondered that too.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

my own shape-shifter gave me just a glimpse of her whole self this week.

This reminds me of a time a t had her sick children waiting for her in another room. The moment our time was up, her attention to me snapped and she was up, out the door to check on her kids. It's understandable of course, and shows how much she cares about her kids, but it still surprised me how abruptly she could drop engagement in conversation that seems so intense/difficult to me. It is still impossible for me to imagine how t's can engage so apparently genuinely, yet not genuine in the sense it mostly ends on cue.

[critterlady]

I'm not sure any of my family would recognize me when I'm in work mode, either. I suspect that's true for a lot of people.

I was a scientist and then an IT specialist. I used to help my mother with computer problems and she would often comment on how different I sounded when I was teaching her stuff on her computer. I'd go into IT manager mode, I guess.

So, it doesn't surprise me that therapists can be very, very different with different clients and with their families.

I have what my kids and friends call 'attorney mode' and they seem amused, intrigued or intimidated by it, depending on the person. One friend gets really defensive and almost angry and told me once that I sound like I think I'm smarter than her when I'm in attorney mode. And my response was along with lines of, 'actually, when we're talking about law, much as I love you, I DO know more than you and you should stop f'ing arguing with me because you sound like an idiot.' Um. What I MEANT to say was, 'no, no, I don't think I'm smarter than you.'

I think most professionals have this to some extent or another. As attorneys, we are actively taught to detach emotions and run on sheer logic and intellect. Those of us who are dissociative already sit there and wonder why the others have to be taught this. LOL.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

As attorneys, we are actively taught to detach emotions and run on sheer logic and intellect. Those of us who are dissociative already sit there and wonder why the others have to be taught this. LOL.

that's funny! no wonder I was completely LOST when computer management started talking - actually trying to enforce - BALANCE in our lives! where did they think computer people came from, anyway?