[WikidPissah]

Every time I hear about stuffies & T, Smokey Robinson plays in my head.

In T, I hold my purse on my lap and play with the straps, but I wouldn't ever hold a stuffie, blanket, pillow or rock during t.

I grab the pillow on the sofa and place it on my lap and play with my water bottle lid.

[pbutton]

I have made it a point to try to keep my purse off my lap. I figure I can try to change my body language so that I am not "hiding". I have no idea if it helps anything or not. Maybe I feel a little more brave.

When I feel the need to hold something, I put one of the couch pillows on my lap. T has a large teddy bear in his office, and for months I was really tempted to ask if I could hold it. But I never got up the nerve - he's a father figure to me, and the idea of me sitting there like a little girl holding a teddy bear. I just couldn't. But maybe I should have - it might have brought out some emotions that need to be felt. Oh well, too late now. I'm over that.

[kiki86]

i'd probably hold a blanket or a pillow or something if there was one in the office but i wouldn't bring one with me. i do hold my notebook. it's a list of all the things i want to talk about and T pointed out that whenever i get uncomfortable i start twisting it, as if i want to destroy all the problems lol.

[Chopin99]

I'm like Bunny, if I feel the need to hold something, I grab the couch pillow.

[stopdog]

I am not much for clutching anything. It does not soothe me. I was interested to see how many find it useful.

[critterlady]

I have my travel mug in my hands the whole time and I play with the top of it. There's a little part where my kitten chewed on it and it makes me think of him.

[bamapsych]

Sometimes I take my teddy bear that I've had since I was newborn (25 yr old now lol). T has a stuffed/beanie moose that I like to hold. When I have the stuffies, I usually have the mom/daughter thing going on

Sometimes I fiddle with my notebook if I'm using it that particular day.

T gave me a Valentine on like my second session that was on Valentine's Day. It was one of those that kids give to each other. We both female so it was a friendly thing and not romantic. I'm not real sure what the point of it was, but I use it like a transitional object. I keep it in my purse so that it's with me everywhere I go.

I was so excited...my T just got a new sofa last month and I told him he needed some pillow. I walked in last night to session and he had a pillow... I said "Yeah!!!you got a pillow." I had the pillow on my lap last night... I sometimes rub satinny nylon things like the inside of jacket pockets or my wind breaker between my fingers. Something I used to do on my blanky when I was little.

When t is not out of town that is....we usually hold hands while we talk.when she had her office, i also held onto one of her pillows or stuffies. She also gave me some stuff of hers to take home with me while she is gone.

It's not something I've ever done, but the thought doesn't gross me out or give me violent thoughts either. I hadn't thought about it until I read some threads at PC about people holding things or fiddling with things during T. I don't normally bring anything with me (notebook, water bottle, mug) but if I did I bet I'd be fiddling with it. While the T's office burnt.

[Silent_tsol]

I don't so much hold the blanket as much as I hide under it. The only reason I got the courage to do do was because it was freezing one day so she offered a blanket. Now every week while she gets water I grab the blanket. I think in my head its a invisibility cloak....not one that works well, just maybe fades me out a little. I fiddle with my fingers

[pbutton]

I have just enough OCD to want to avoid touching a pillow that other therapy patients have clutched in their sweaty palms.

[unaluna]

I brought in 2 stuffies from where the wild things are. T puts one on my chair and one on his, so they are sitting there waiting for us when he brings me in. There's a third mini stuffie I brought in that T puts on the table near me, on top of another little girl's my little pony. She gets a little mad when T forgets to take my puppet off before she comes in. I saw her in the waiting room once, she is cuter than cute. Sometimes T's stuffie is lying on the couch, and I'll say, Oh, she looks like she needs therapy! They are fairly active participants in my therapy.

[2or3things]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I have just enough OCD to want to avoid touching a pillow that other therapy patients have clutched in their sweaty palms.

Oh God! I was totally fine holding one of the couch pillows until this. Argh...thanks Pbutton! Ewwww!

So yeah, I do pick up a pillow whenever I'm there. For me it's not so much that it's comforting as that it feels like an extra layer of protection.

I know that on another thread folks have been discussing body size. I'm a big girl, but I still feel the need to keep the pillow between me and T/ to hide. So now I'm wondering if there's any correlation between body size and wanting to clutch a pillow/hide, etc. I mean, I know that at least for myself that it could have to do with wanting to hide my size. More likely, though, I think it has to do with feeling unsafe without the extra layer.

So now I wonder if some of us gain wait to feel less vulnerable, and if those same of us are also more inclined to grab a pillow, etc. as protection. Are those of us who like to clutch a pillow or stuffed animal or hide behind a blanket also disproportionately also larger? Is this all just another defense mechanism? (I sometimes can't decide if I'm overweight to feel safer or if it's just because I like potatoes too much.)

Feel free to ignore if it's too off topic. But it's an interesting question to me, so I'd love to hear about it.

[Sunne]

I really want to hold something. I usually play with my own hands.

I don't know how to bring it up. There isn't any stuffies or pillows that I can see (although his office is a little messy at times).

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by 2or3things

So now I'm wondering if there's any correlation between body size and wanting to clutch a pillow/hide, etc. I mean, I know that at least for myself that it could have to do with wanting to hide my size.

I sometimes can't decide if I'm overweight to feel safer or if it's just because I like potatoes too much.

oh yeah - stuffie is usually lying across my crotchal area. but it's not about the potatoes for me - it's about 1) not knowing HOW to take care of myself, having been a burden to my mother and 2) then, similarly, not knowing how to take care of myself when faced with unwanted attention. I have lost weight, then become so upset at who was attracted to me, and my inability to deflect them (they weren't hearing my no as no) that I would just blank out and disappear and get fat again. but T, I do feel absolutely safe with.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by hankster

oh yeah - stuffie is usually lying across my crotchal area.

Again, the OCD. Dude.

I am never touching anything in T's office ever again.

I am fond of the word crotchal though. Nice one.

I haven't much thought about this, actually. I sit where one arm is resting on the side of the sofa and the other sits in my lap...and I tend to gesture with my hands a lot so they're usually busy moving around anyway, lol.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by pbutton

Again, the OCD. Dude.

I am never touching anything in T's office ever again.

I am fond of the word crotchal though. Nice one.

hahaha. I have been preaching this over and over.
(the not touching stuff I mean - I have not been preaching the word crotchal).

[WikidPissah]

pbotton - lol. I won't touch anything in his office. He pours me water every week and I never touch it. There are two chairs and if one feels warm (you know, from someone else's body heat) I will sit in the other.

The reason I will never touch things is clear:

oh yeah - stuffie is usually lying across my crotchal area.

[unaluna]

just to clarify - to get to any actual crotchal areas requires traversing crossbacks and a mule team, kinda like the Grand Canyon. The stuffie is well away from any danger zones! T's stuffie, however, is either under his hugely muscled arm or getting sat back upon, but I suppose THAT's okay cos he's got such a teeny butt!

[stopdog]

i never would have thought about it until I went to see one who had a bunch of stuffed animals on the couch. And I thought she was messing with me when she said clients liked them. Then I read on here that some clients DO like them. Will wonders never cease.
(it is okay with me if others like them - I just do not)
Clutching things would make it harder to escape or fend them off.
Except for maybe a rock. It could be useful in the fending off arena.

[unaluna]

well and how does this relate to our childhoods? hankster: then: no hugs, no stuffies; now: wants hugs, wants stuffies.
stopdog: then: bad hugs; now: no stuffies, wants to fend off. makes sense to me. different ways to heal different wounds.