[Sunne]

I have issues with letting myself be 'seen'.

This is probably common in therapy but I would like help with how to let my guard down so T can see me for who I really am. I have no idea HOW.

I'm doing trauma therapy (as I have previously stated) and it's important for me to be able to get in touch with my emotions (while in session).

I can write about it in my journal, write to my T my cognitive distortions about myself, and cry when the time strikes out of nowhere when I'm alone.
But once I'm in that room I am unshakable. I won't allow myself to really be 'me'.

My T said I am trying to be the perfect patient and wants me to be myself. But I don't get what that entails.

I've always put on a good face for the world, stuffed my horrid emotions down, and went on.

Does anyone have any advice?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Sunne

This is probably common in therapy but I would like help with how to let my guard down so T can see me for who I really am. I have no idea HOW.

It's a long and difficult process.
I can only recommend courage and persistence.

I've been going to therapy for 1 1/2 years and I'm still trying to get there....looking forward to hearing other people's experiences

[Crescent Moon]

I'd just tell him straight up.. as in: "I have had to protect myself from so much for so long, that I don't know how to let my guard down." You could even add: "I've heard that once I feel absolutely safe in a therapeutic relationship, it might start to happen."

[Big Mama]

I have a difficult time with this to. What one of my past T's did was just call it a day. No mental stuff. Just common everyday stuff. Like two friends talking. My fav. food, fav place to eat. What kind'a music you like. Your pets, your kids. She talked about hers to.

I caught my self do something strange. I smiled in session and told stories without being on guard. Not worrying if everything was being annalized. It helped so much to see that my T was HUMAN. With kids who drive her nuts an unemployeed husband, a car that has broke down, an unplesent visit from relatives. How about that the T has feelings and problems to.

it has taken me years, and i mean a lot of years to finally feel safe enough to let my guard down. i have only cried one time in therapy.

it has taken t and his never wavering from being gentle, calm, and extremely patient. i am now trusting him

i think seeing him weekly helps as well

i think it is different for everyone.
i did a lot of testing as well. still do.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by jbmomg

i did a lot of testing as well. still do.

me too! i think there came a point where I could finally stop looking at the process (OMG I am in therapy; OMG this is a shrink; OMG what does she think of me.... alarm bells, etc) and just talk to T.

Trust, for me, is paramount.

At this point I can answer almost any question she asks me, no matter how hard (even if I do go into spirals about it after I get home); and yes, i said almost. Still working on that.

hang in there

[Perna]

I made good headway when I started noting, in my real life, when I was protecting myself too much and started looking at and working on it myself. For example, I had to drive through T's parking lot to get to her office a different way because adjacent buildings were having their roofs redone and there were huge trucks and pieces of equipment in the parking lot roads, along the route I usually took. It made me anxious! That caught my attention and I looked at it (and, fortunately, was on my way to T so could discuss it right away, 10 minutes later :-) and realized I felt "exposed". It felt like I had been sneaking around behind the bushes and suddenly someone removed the bushes and everyone could see me out there in the open parking lot driving around. My stepmother might "get" me That was the crux, whenever my stepmother "noticed" me, she had a complaint or something for me to do, etc., it was usually an unpleasant interaction. So, I learned to keep as low a profile as I could, keep out of sight.

We re-enact in therapy similar scenes as we have in the past up until therapy; we are very much creatures of habit and learned perspective. Think of the feelings you have that you like least (my anxiety) and when you feel them, stop and figure out why, no matter where you are/what you are doing. They will happen outside therapy and inside therapy and the better you get at figuring them out, the faster you get at noticing, etc. the better you will get at keeping to the road you want. It's a little like video games where you shoot the bad guys/asteroids/monsters/zombies, you-name-it in your path to keep going; the faster you get at noticing and shooting the further/more points you get.

Make the "goal" to be seen by your therapist and keep that at the front of your mind as you work and it will happen easier as you'll notice more readily when you are blocking or hiding. Even if it is too scary to say something, you stop and tell your T that it is currently too scary; you acknowledge what is going on rather than try to hide it. You do not have to talk about "what" yet, but just "that". I hide my eyes sometimes watching scary movies I need to at least look. I cannot begin to get rid of the scary part by not looking/denying it exists?

[bluemountains]

I first had to journal my thoughts and hand her what I had written in order to make some progress. I would spend the entire session using only body language and short answers to communicate with her. I still journal, but now I make a list of topics I would like to discuss and we go from there. Or, if I can't verbalize what I'd like to discuss because it is too painful or embarrassing, I will email her the details, so we can work on it in the next session.
I have been through cbt for my bp diagnosis, and now we are spending more time focusing on ptsd from csa.

[kiki86]

for me i've noticed that whenever i go silent in session on the surface it's because i'm thinking about what to say but it's really because i want to hide the thing i'm feeling and i'm trying to find the most acceptable way to say it. so i'm working on just saying whatever comes into my head, no matter how vulnerable it sounds. but it's hard and i haven't had much success yet.

Originally Posted by Crescent Moon

I'd just tell him straight up.. as in: "I have had to protect myself from so much for so long, that I don't know how to let my guard down." You could even add: "I've heard that once I feel absolutely safe in a therapeutic relationship, it might start to happen."

Well said!