Question about Support Groups

For those of you who have been in support groups, approximately how many weeks or months did they last? I'm just trying to get a sense of the "average" duration of a support group.

Also, for those of you who have benefited from support groups, what have you found helpful about them? Anything specific the facilitators have done to foster that experience?

Also, what are things about support groups that you have found UNhelpful? Things the facilitators have done/not done? Dynamics among participants? Other factors?

As some of you may recall form my previous thread, I recently checked out a support group for the first time. It was not a good fit for me, so I decided to quit. However, in order to quit, I had to meet face-to-face with the facilitator. Something I've been working on in my own therapy is standing up for myself and being willing to stand my ground in confronting situations. I was actually rather proud of myself that I chose to take the risk of being honest with the facilitator about why I wanted to quit, rather than just making up an excuse to get myself out of there. I actually told her a few things she had done that made me uncomfortable, that put me on the spot, that were condescending, and (with respect to another participant) that I found to be enabling rather than genuine or helpful. To my surprise, she agreed with me and apologized. Because she was willing to own her mistakes and validate my experience, I decided to stay in the group and use it as more of a place to support others, rather than to receive support myself. Part of the reason I made this decision was also because I wanted the opportunity to provide feedback. (You can only fill out the feedback form at the end if you finish the group).

So, now it is time to fill out the feedback form. Since the facilitator seems like she is willing to receive constructive criticism (and is admittedly a trainee leading a support group for the very first time), I want to take this opportunity to provide feedback seriously. The facilitator definitely meant well and was plugged in, but she was very inexperienced, unable to really moderate the discussion, and came off as really baby-ing. I also think the intake process was flawed in that the participants in the group had very little in common with another and were at very different levels of functioning. The conversation was continually all over the place, and it felt frustrating for those of us who do not have basic functioning problems to continually be derailed and held back by members with significant behavioral problems. I've never been in a situation like that before, it caught me off-guard, and it's a big part of what made me want to quit the group. I guess I assumed that because it was a group for PhD students, that the others would be "like me" in that they were high-functioning, but dissatisfied with their programs, and just could use an extra supportive outlet to talk about that dissatisfaction. But that wasn't the case. It was clear from Day 1 that I was never going to get the time or level of support that I might like for myself, because there were bigger problems that demanded more attention. It feels to me that there should be one group for those without significant behavioral problems, and those with them. (But how do I say that without sounding like a total a-hole?)

I guess what I'm asking for is a better understanding of what a "good" support group might look like, so I can compare my experience against that. I'm wondering what my facilitator may have been able to do better to provide that kind of experience-- and how I can (politely) communicate that to her in a way that would come across as helpful, rather than as "complaining." I'm also wondering if I simply don't need a support group, or if I might benefit from a different kind of support group. I do not have a mental health diagnosis (so a diagnosis-based group would be out). I'm just a typical person who finds individual therapy to be beneficial for self-improvement and am interested in the idea of being in a conversational support group for others who want to talk about their daily lives (the challenges of relationships, work, family, etc.) and receive peer-support. Yes, I have friends to talk about these things with, however, I like the idea of a "safe" support group because "what's said in group, stays in group." I've found that my friends are well-meaning, but can't keep their mouths shut, so if i tell something to one person, the next day, everyone knows it. And, since most of my friends are other PhD students who work with me, there's sometimes a conflict of interest in sharing certain information. Finally, I just don't want to come across as a "complainer" to my friends; I'd like to have a place to go to have those deeper, more emotional conversations so I can get that "out" and then be able to go to a party with my friends without feeling weighted down. My individual T is great-- I couldn't be happier with her-- but I'd like to have that shared peer experience with others who are also in therapy and can relate to that experience. I'd love to find a group that is specifically geared towards those with lighter issues, but I have no idea how I would go about finding such a group.

Any feedback would be much appreciated!

I don't have any advice about good groups, scorpiosis, because I had a similar situation to yours. I found a support group run by supervised grad students at a local university (I was adjuncting and not living where I was finishing my degree) and I did an intake with the leader. I was hoping to find people whom I could relate to--I do have bipolar and BPD, though was on the verge of finishing my PhD--and asked several questions during my evaluation. He assured me that there were others "like you." I went to the first session and I found the same type thing: one person with severe Asperger's who had trouble communicating, another who was recently released from jail for armed robbery and was living with his mom on house arrest and had severe anger issues. It was hard because tried as I might, I simply couldn't find a way to connect to individuals whose issues were so different from mine and who were substantially less far along in their therapy journey. What was perhaps worse was that the group leaders seemed completely clueless as to how to get the group to communicate and moderate. Having been trained in interviewing trauma victims during grad school, I stepped in a few times to ask questions, but then I felt myself in the role of interviewer and I was there to be more 'interviewee.' I left the group. I wrote a letter to the moderator essentially saying that I felt that the group's participants had very diverse issues and were at many different places in their journey. It was hard. I'd love to find a group, but it seems that the good ones are really expensive and not covered by insurance!

Thanks for your post, eastcoaster! It helps to hear that someone else was in a similar situation. Just like you say, I've found myself stepping in a bit and acting as "interviewer" instead of "interviewee." I'm so used to teaching classes and leading (a different kind) of group, that it just comes out sometimes-- and it's frustrating when you have that skill but the person leading the group does not. A couple of weeks ago, I suggested to another participant (who I see really struggle, week to week) that perhaps he might want to consider looking for an individual T also and have some diagnostic testing done. Well, he took my suggestion and reported back that he has now been diagnosed with Asburgers & possible psychosis. He is now feeling hopeful about pursuing treatment. I wonder if I'd kept my mouth shout if the facilitator would have ever pointed him in that direction?

Scorpiosis, there are many different types of groups, and you can find a lot of variation in duration. I think it is common for a "closed" group to run 6-12 weeks. But there are some groups that are ongoing. New members are added, old members leave, and the group endures throughout this turnover. I did a support group for new moms with their babies, and it lasted 10 weeks. I did Weight Watchers--another type of support group--and it was ongoing. Right now I am doing a group as part of a course I am taking, and it is 8 weeks long. My daughter's therapist has a group of women who have been together several years.

Before you join a group, you can ask about the screening process and tell your worries about being in a group that is too heterogeneous with regard to behavioral health. I do not think the group leader will think ill of you for this. Somewhere out there is a group that will work for you. It just may take a little time to find it.

May I add some input to your topic?
A purely rhetorical question I realize, but i wanted to add to this topic from my experiences, and viewpoints, and I hoped you wouldn't mind.

For the record, let me say, that, I have absolutely no experience, at all, in anything having to do with the College experience. Perhaps that is why I feel so confused in reading the Posts in this Topic.

My experience with Support Groups tends to be groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Emotions Anonymous, and Celebrate Recovery. These were (and are) all chaired by nonprofessionals. I no longer attend any of these groups, and when I did, was usually because it was a requirement of several Recovery Programs that I happened to have been involved with over the years. They are also known as 12 Step Programs in that there are 12 steps, or guidlelines, if you will. I'm quite sure there are many other other Support Groups out there, based on some version of the 12 Steps. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/12_steps

So, my experiences with Support Groups have all been based on Recovery, whether recovery from alcohol or from drugs, it's all about staying sober/clean, and how to live a life without using booze or drugs.

In my view what you all have been describing is Group Therapy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Group_therapy, though I know that y'all distinguish between that and a Support Group. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Support_group.
I personally am having a real hard time in separating the definitions. Though I must admit reading the Support group wiki made me realize that my understanding of Support Groups is very limited. But might I also suggest that your definition of a Support Group may also be limited?

I've never been to a Support Group that was facilitated (or chaired) by a professional, but all were more or less led by an actual member (or members) of the group itself.

"I guess what I'm asking for is a better understanding of what a "good" support group might look like, so I can compare my experience against that"
To that end may I suggest that you find what is termed an "Open Meeting" of either an AA or NA Group meeting. http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/meetings/a/blclosed.htm
http://www.na.org/?ID=bulletins-bull15-r

I attended a fantastic grief support group. Each session was an hour, every week, for 3 months. It helped me tremendously. The facilitator ... I was truly blessed. She started the organization, it was still going strong 20+ years later. I was lucky that I ended up in her group.

After we wrapped up the group, i volunteered my time and expertise to the organization. I wanted to give back for everything they gave me.

I tried to go back again, too...there was a different facilitator and not nearly as engaged, experienced, flexible, on top of things as the founder (not her fault at all. She was quite sweet). But I wasnt really getting much out of it....partly because we were focusing on "grief 101" and I took that session, and partly because I couldnt relate as well to the much larger group in that session. The first group was much smaller and more intimate.

In the end, this lady was instrumental in saving my life. It was all i could do to just show up. I was beyond grief-stricken.

I hope this helps a bit

Rose