empathy as adversarial

I don't feel hostile, but I am definitely baffled when my T expresses empathy. Thankfully he hasn't used empathic statements often, but he has had empathic responses. There have been several times that he's gotten teary eyed when I've spoken about things in my past. In my head all I can think is it's my life. If I'm not responding like that, why are you? I just don't get it.

It also causes some guilt for me. I don't like being responsible for someone crying or getting upset.

I personally find it validating. Especially since I'm so hard on myself, it's nice when someone shows me compassion and helps me see that maybe I could use more of that empathy and kindness. I'm honestly kind of confused by your perspective, but we're all different I guess.

The problem I have with empathy as adversarial is not that you see it that way, Stopdog, but that that is the only way you see it; it seems you talk of therapists and other mental health professionals, only as "enemies" and say you must know them (presumably so you can "fight" them) but I do not think you can ever get to know them as you have the individuals lumped in with your "enemy" stance and cannot see empathy as empathetic or therapists as warm, loving, caring individuals. Consequently, when an individual acts in that fashion, when someone shows a wider range of emotions, you don't understand what is going on.

OK, I have to step in (WAFTT) here and say how much this kind of statement irritates me. I guess it is OK as a statement of what you believe, but as a statement of what is true I cannot accept it. It denigrates any ability we have to perceive what is going on beneath the surface of what someone claims is happening. Maybe we cannot know for certain what is going on underneath there, but I feel entitled to make some good guesses -- and they turn out be be quite valuable to me at times.

In my childhood, asking the mother to tell the truth would never, ever reveal the truth. That I had to figure out on my own.

Not to fight them, but certainly to defend against them running roughshod. I do not believe they are warm caring individuals, I have seen no evidence of them being warm caring individuals, and I have no belief that even if they are warm caring individuals it makes a difference with why I go to a therapist.
Also the use of the word enemy comes from the one I see - she used the label enemy. I have just kept it on as it is useful.

stopdog, I do believe you are prejudiced against therapists! is this a "thing" where you have like therapist jokes? Q: what do you call 500 therapists at the bottom of the ocean? A: A start! IRONIC, coming from an advocate!

I am wary of them and their motives.

Why didn't the shark eat the therapist?
Professional courtesy.

Okay, our perceptions cannot be denigrated; they are ours and they are always "right" because I get to say how/what/why/who/when/where, etc. I perceive! You can have your perception Pachy, I don't want it, have one of my own; all I want is what you tell me about yourself, not what I "think up" or think I perceive, etc. because I am not you so cannot perceive/feel/think what you perceive/feel/think.

I do not hear any one else "claiming" something else is happening. No one is asking the person doing the happening what is happening? If I am crying, deciding you hurt me with what you said when I, in fact, have a cinder (nice, quaint word :-) in my eye, that does not help you or me? Discussing, with me, the person crying, why I am crying as well as using your perception to reveal to you what you are thinking and feeling about why you think I am crying is more apt to get you a better picture of why I am crying than you just going off and "deciding" I am crying because you perceive it? I'm not waving, I'm drowning! Perceive that?

I know we are all experts on ourselves and good at knowing and expressing what we are thinking and feeling but, dang, that's a hard job for me and I don't need to take on anyone else and their lives and trying to figure out what they are thinking and feeling without just asking them. What does "lying" gain someone? If you say, "I love you" I say, "that's great!" and expect you to show it through action. If you don't show it through action of some sort, I chalk it up to words only. Even if you "feel" you love me, go ahead, it's your life, you can feel whatever you feel! But I cannot say you do not feel love for me, no matter what you say or do, I can only say you have not illustrated your love for me in action sufficient for me to believe you. My perception that you do not love me is not the same as whether you do or not.

I had 31 years of ostracism, but my highly sensitive personality remained the same.

It is a blessing and..a curse to be an HSP...

Sometimes "normal" is just the setting on a dryer.

My t has (and would never) say, "what is that like for you" or "how does that mnake you feel?"

That one I see has not said those phrases either. Those phrases do not seem to be the empathic type.

Here is a link to an article on therapeutic communication by Paul Wachtel (on of the books I have read is by him):
http://www.creativespirit.net/learne...ing/docu27.htm

Perna, my childhood experience was that no one would tell me the truth if I asked what was happening. I found, and still often find, that asking someone to tell me the truth of what is happening is a futile exercise. In many cases the people themselves do not know why they do what they do, and will invent "reasons" and "justifications" that have nothing to do with the actual why.

An example: ask almost any politician why they are doing something. They will make up something, which explains why they are "right" but not why they actually do things. You cannot get the answer by asking -- you have to come to your own conclusions about the matter!

But Perna, I do love you! Tell me how I can demonstrate that to your satisfaction!