too much?

I have been feeling my T knows too much about me. But, I want to share some more stuff with her because she does better at the positve thinking/perception shifting thing than I have been doing lately. But, I feel like I wont have any secrets left and I hardly know her. I hate that she knows all this stuff about me and I only know her name, credentials and that she has been a caregiver for an elderly relative before.

Know the feeling. On the one side the therapist is supposed to know more about the cleits than the clients know about the therapist. That way the client doesn't focus on what is going on with the therapist and not use therapists personal life as a way to avoid their own problems but yet on the other side the client is expected to "spill their everything" while not knowing a thing about the therapist. Doesn't quite sound fair sometimes.

I have figured out that finding things out about the therapist is actually easy. It takes timing, the way the question or information getting statement is worded and alot of using the same skills that therapists use - paying attention to everything the five senses are telling me - body language, tone of voice, facial expressions and so on. And worse case scenerio theres the world wide web.

Most of my therapists have been very private type people including my present one. but yet I have been able to find out things that even my present therapist did not expect me to locate such as private unlisted home and cell numbers and addresses, Social activities not involving the therapy agency, serving on the city councils, participating in walkathons, teaching certain types of classes you would not expect a therapist to teach.

LL has learned that if she does not want me to open my "Dectective Skills" as she calls my ability to locate a friend after 25 years of no contact and digging up information about her that she does not normally discuss with clients, to find out why she isn't answering my questions and to locate the answers on my own its best to give me a better answer than - the famous "we are here to talk about you and I don't talk about my private life with clients" type answers therapists are known to give. So she usually answers my questions about herself as long as it pertains to what we are talking about in what I am doing in therapy or on my own for my own therapy projects.

Hi ya....I think youre doing great and the idea IS to tell all .....I bet in time she may mention more things about herself..I know a lot about my T but its been a lotta years...He didnt say much for about a year on him....Main thing is to keep telling her all you want and need to

hugs

Yeah, my teacher teaches us to be careful about the self-disclosure when counseling too.
However, it puts me at a huge disadvantage when I develop a compulsive need to spill my guts. I am sure that I will get to know her better. It's just that me and her are still new to each other. So, I had this odd need to spill my guts and held it in for one session. Then, I just went back to spilling. So, I haven't given her much of a chance to talk for any long periods of time.
I think my odd need to blab everything has receded because I got some of what I needed and might actually give her a chance to do something more than just respond to all of my stuff.

It is weird because this relationship is like no other relationship in the world. It's unusual to spend so much time with someone and to know so little about them.

What satisfaction do you get from knowing things about your therapist? Is it just the personal connecion? Balancing things a bit?

balances the relationship a bit. Makes me feel just a touch less vulnerable in the relationship.

She told me a bit more. Married. Husband has had his company sold like mine is currently being sold. So, I don't feel like I don't know her any more. I just needed a little bit because of my odd predicament of needing to blab my head off and not know who I was blabbing my head off to.

Hi people

Yeah- I often wonder about my therapists lives too. I wonder whether they have children and what they enjoy doing and whether they've needed therapy themselves in their past. I wonder about their faults too. I know that they are supposed to be representative of people who have 'it' together, but i just wonder how true to this they are. I've been told that psychiatrists are the worst of all psych patients in the hospital!!!!!
I often want to know just something about their life, but feel that maybe it's sorta inappropriate- but then it aint really because we have to get out all our private little faults. I feel like it's about sharing and i don't really like the whole one-sided speaking person. I used to feel a bit selfish that i was the only one sharing about life!
I'm glad you are getting to know your therapist- it sounds good

Love Sezzie

I personally find it more comfortable knowing a bit about my therapists because for example One psychiatrist called me narcisistic because I told him about my public side. Because he had never worked with clients that have gone public and did the things that I have done and he had no personal experience of the behind the scenes of what it takes to be apart of such a life that I had and So he considered my experiences to be delusional and so forth. But then you have a therapist on the other end of the spectrum that has experienced problems of their own simular to what I had gone through and that therapist has been around the type of things that I would be telling her about including my going public she isn't going to see my corresponding with the likes of lawyers, doctors, published professionals other survivors and the behinds the scenes of my testifying in a government task force as being delusions and a narcisistic personality disorder. That therapist is going to be able to look beyond the textbooks and see me and my problems for what they really are. I had a therapist who did not realize I was experiencing flashbacks and the result was two involuntary commitments. She was very knowledgeable in working with sexual abuse survivors but had no hands on with someone who had experienced flashbacks in her personal life or with the clients in fact my file number was 004 - I was her 4th true sexual assault survivor that she was working with. Knowing some of the therapist personal life and background and experiences helps clients to know if that therapist is right for them. I don't expect to like each and every one of my therapists. In fact the one I have now I knew I was going to hate her just because of the circumstances that lead me to her. Whether or not I like a therapist doesn't figure in when I decide who to see. I look at background and life experiences that may be in common so that I don't end up locked in some nut ward due to that therapist not having personal or work experience with what that therapist is going to be experiencing having me for a client. Forget about me having to understand and put up with the therapist the therapist needs to have enough personal experience with the things that I had gone through and have done in order not to mis interpret what I tell them

yeah i often wonder if what problems they've had and how they deal with listening to me and every other random's problems all day...i mean, do they just manage to switch it off when they get home, or do some of the cases really get to them and when their partners ask them how their day was, do they talk about us and what do they say...i wldn't mind knowing what it's like to be a T as opposed to the patient...i cld ask her when i go to see her tomorrow...might make her day a bit more interesting lol....

Since I am taking classes in addiction counseling, I tend to look at the relationship from both sides at times. I usually manage to not do this too much. However, I can't help but do it some. I mean I have pretended to be a counselor as part of my courses. I find that a lot of my classmates in previous Psychology courses in college and my current courses have had hard ships and struggles that make them more sympathetic. However, some of my classmates tell me that I shoudn't think that way if I try to share just a tip of the ice berg negative thinking comment.

Well, I hope this doesn't make you feel like a non-person.... but your T will usually NOT be thinking about you before the next patient enters his office.

Some Ts make notes in the 5 or 10 minutes between sessions of each patient. Some wait till the end of the day, and/or review sessions once during the week.

I'm sure that if something happens in their life that is relevant to you, yes, they will think of you at that time.

Most Ts don't discuss patients with others in any way. Good Ts keep total confidence, and might only share "hypothetical" non-named patient problems if the T is having difficulty getting the right therapy approach...and then only with their own mentor/confidant.

T's have their own lives... complete with normal living problems (toilets overflow, paperboys don't throw the paper, cars need maintaining.)

IMO a good T doesn't take the work home. That would be taking each patient's problems too personally.

The good side of this is, your T doesn't burn out, and -- it means that the therapy process works... it isn't a struggle for your T.. it's a process that they know, and are leading you through. Sometimes T's have the answer for you, but must wait until you are ready to hear/see it.

Good Ts are always reading, updating their knowledge and fine tuning their skills... always with improving the process for each individual patient. IMO

I couldn't have said it any better. That's exactly what I hope to do when I become an addiction counselor.