My T is beautiful!

I don't think it is strange to notice as such. I would not notice, but I have to look down to see what I am wearing most of the time. I think the deal is that it is hard to know what kind of response you were looking for. There seemed to be no question or angst in your opening post. Can you say what you wanted here?

I mean, you're asking a fair number of lesbians, who typically don't much care about appearance, about what appears to be another lesbian's drab appearance? is that what you're driving at? then be a good lesbian yourself and be direct and stop ***** footing around

I won't speak for anyone else, but it just baffles me why your T's appearance matters to you so much. I'm in my mid-20s, put a good effort into my outfits & accessories, try to look nice most days, plan out what I'm going to wear ahead of time, and I don't have a freakin' clue what I wore yesterday or the day before, much less on Monday.

Also, I had a long-term T who I thought was beautiful and a dietitian who I thought was gorgeous, and it didn't make a lick of difference in my treatment. I kept going to them because they knew their stuff and helped me grow and because the therapeutic relationship was wonderful. If my T had been ugly, I don't see how that would have made a difference at all in my treatment.

If her appearance does make a difference to you, the question is why? What does appearance mean to you? So what if she was disheveled looking once (I think it was just once, correct me if I'm wrong), we all have our days. IMHO, it seems like it could be distracting you from the real issues at hand or perhaps even an indication of the real issues. I honestly do not understand your concern for her appearance and think it's something worth exploring.

CE, I have to tell you that my guy friends (and for that matter, my lesbian friends) refuse to allow me to set them up on dates. The consensus appears to be that I have atrocious taste in women because once I know them as people and grow fond of them, I am completely unable to tell what they look like. Once I really like someone, I just think they are pretty. So, I don't really know what to say about being preoccupied with what someone else looks like or wears.

I think I get it now. You're trying to figure your T out. Her way of thinking, etc. mystifies you, so you're looking for clues in whatever's available, and that's her outward appearance. It makes perfect sense to me.

I wonder about my T too - what's he really like outside the office? I think it's only natural given the closeness of the therapeutic relationship. I think it's not only a natural curiosity, but for some of us essential. For pleasers like me, the more I know about him, the better I can figure out what will please him - and what won't. And I suspect for others, it's more like knowing your enemy. If you can figure out T, then you can protect yourself against them. The old knowledge is power thing.

CE --

You sure are getting the rough hustle here.

Now don't you wish you had just stuck with the deafening silence?

Blessings,

MCL.... What are you wearing now???

I can sort of understand, can'texplain. I can understand posting and not getting answers, and then getting replies that aren't what you're looking for and becoming frustrated. I think I get wanting to figure your T out and doing that by her clothes and appearance. I do that too.

My T wears casual clothes and darkish Earth tones too. Lately she has taken off her shoes and gone barefoot. I notice these things! I just do. I want to figure her out, but with my T, I know I can ask her. Can you ask your T about her clothes? I thought you had a close relationship with her, at least from past threads. It seemed to me like you were able to discuss anything. So, can you tell her what you're posting here, or have you done that already?

It sounds a little like you're wanting to be closer to her, the way I want, with my T. I used to think about my former T's clothes a lot, and told her, because they were kind of weird. She told me she likes putting outfits together.

I may be off, but I sense your wanting to know more of who your T is. I may be projecting my situation, which is why I can relate. I feel that you feel like you're being shut out of T's life because you don't understand how she dresses. Or something like that. It sounds like a yearning for something you want, or someONE you want. Just my 2 cents worth. I appreciate your honesty in asking for responses. You remind me of me. I hope that's not a bad thing in your mind.

I guess there can be many reasons why your Ts appearance may be important for you.

Perhaps you feel attracted to her and therefore her appearance is something that you pay more attention too, maybe you are looking for clues as to the type of person she is and if appearances matter to her. Maybe you are interested in fashion, maybe paying attention to her clothes you feel closer to your T....there are many reasons.

What are your feelings about her wearing the same outfit on two days?

It is unnerving when people are very still. Perhaps it is a primitive thing and at some level you think they are going to suddenly strike. Or it is alien,that is what my assessor felt like when I had to sit next to her

Is this not true then?

It is not true. Except for the socks and underwear which is not a gender specific situation.

It's true for me ... very. Diffrent strokes and all that .....

You are too intelligent to believe in these kinds of stereotypes. Change "women" to "some people" and it is of course true.

I once had a problem with my T wearing the same old boring clothes. I had transference issuses and had some thoughts concerning ...why my perfect/ beutiful T would not put an effort into dress nice or make an effort when I came. Then I looked at myself in the same old same old clothes everytime I saw her.

I decided to make an effort consering my appearence. T then started to dress nice to.

T´s are trained to mirror us. It´s like if we don´t like what we see in the mirror we might do something about it.

That was good for me. It was NOT about clothes ( who cares ) but she was litteraly mirroring me both my emotions and my appearence and it work out. -Also about how I view myself and others, and how I come across to other people.

Monday and Friday are not "days in a row." Maybe she does her laundry on Wednesdays.

Perhaps she has a lot of the same clothes. I have several of the exact pants and shirts so I don't have to do laundry all the time. I am not wearing the exact clothing, just the exact same looking clothing. Happily for me, I am at the point now where I do not dress for other people.

My wife finds things she likes and buys them in every color of the rainbow, sometimes a few of the same colors ...just in case. As for the Friday - Monday thing.... the only reason i haven't accidentally did that is because Fridays are casual...thank goodness But if I do laundry mid week, there is no guarantee I wont repeat an outfit. They are just clothes.

Isn't it great to finally get to that point where you don't dress for other people? It took me waaaayyy too long. I dress for myself, and I've found that the better I look, the better I feel. I also keep in shape, both for health and appearance. I like to look in the mirror and like what I see. (Although I'm old enough now that I'd like to put a paper bag over my head. )

I like to look good when I'm out of the house because it makes me feel good. I don't give a rip what anyone else thinks. Probably some people think it's "inappropriate" for someone my age to wear some clothes that I do, like skinny jeans and a black T-neck sweater that fits .... but tough! I'm just too old to care. Love it!!!