Facing emotions

I just had an experience of facing emotions healthily for the first time.

I've been aware of something I've called "the darkness within" for a couple of months. I knew it was there, but couldn't define it.

I started reading "The Emotionally Absent Mother" and realized that "the darkness within" was the "original loss" of my mom, who was not there for me as she should have been.

I've mulled over this for the past couple of days. Today, upon reading what I needed to do to heal, the enormity of the loss became apparent to me.

I began to cry, and I realize now, after the fact that it is the first time I've mourned that loss. When the tears came, I allowed them to flow in big, choking sobs. What I was feeling wasn't pleasant; in fact, it hurt very very much, but I allowed myself to consciously feel the sadness because it is a healthy part of mourning. Right now, I feel okay, but I know the sadness will return.

Perna, thanks for this post. It is the most intelligent explanation of CBT that I've ever heard. very helpful.

thanks to everyone for all the great responses and questions ... they are so helpful, giving me a lot to think about and from the looks of it others also

This is something I'm still really struggling with myself. With T, I'm able to face my emotions, because I know it's safe to express them, to be vulnerable, and that she'll offer me her silent support and encouragement. I'm starting to be able to do this around close friends as well.

I think, sometimes, you have to just decide to give in and let yourself honestly feel what you're feeling. If you feel like crying, just cry. You don't have to name the emotion, or justify it, or analyze it...just express it. For me, that was the first part of being able to honestly face my emotions - just expressing them rather than pushing them away and pretending everything is fine. Even if I can express it for just a moment, that's better than pushing it away.