[LoneWolfie]

I posted in the romantic feelings for your T section but this is just so unexpected.

While I could never actually come out and tell my pdoc I want a hug and it is more in lines of like a mother and a child. I did write it in one of my letters to her. My act worker and an occupational therapist also receive my writings.

I saw my ot on thursdays and she is working with me one on one till I start intensive DBT in the fall. She also leads our art group and I have known her since December 2011.

Anyway she is going on vacation for 3 weeks, my pdoc couldn't make my appointment today and moved it to yesterday after when I would see the ot. But pdoc wanted ot to sit in on the session with my act worker who is always there.

Anyway after the session I went back to the ot's office for a book and she asked if it was okay if she called me when she was on vacation to check up on me. I said yes, it isn't unusual for her to call me, she has in the past when she has read something that has her concerned with me.

Well then she asked if she could hug me and I sort of shrugged that it was alright, we hugged for a good 20 seconds or more and when she let go she said "I love you." I just stood there looking at her and didn't say anything, she than added as a friend.

I know that she cares and worries about me, she always had and she is a goes out of her way for people. My mom says she has a heart of gold.

I was just taken aback as she has never even touched in a casual friendly way. At the end of our appointments she high 5's me.

It is still on my mind and I care for her as a friend/person but would not say I love her. I know some personal information that she has shared with me, as she felt it was okay to tell me. It may be because I have shared something and for whatever reason she shared and told me she felt she could and it would stay between us.

My pdoc never brought up what I wrote to her in this session and I doubt it will come up unless I say something which I won't because I fear being rejected.

LW

It sounds like you must be making progress if your T decided it was alright to give you a hug. I say enjoy it! I wish my T would give me even a little hug, but it will never happen. So maybe now your T will hug you more often. Others have written here that it can be really healing, and a few have said it's the best part of the session!

If it bothers you, you could bring up the subject and say what you said here, that you were really surprised. Might lead to a good discussion that would make you feel better about it.

I am with Bunny on this, enjoy it . I'm happy that you have progressed to the point in which she felt you were ready for it. I know for me, at times, it's very difficult to see the good and positive things others see in me. Someone says something positive or points put a positive trait and I stare in disbelief.

Sometimes it takes a little while for "us" (just a general term for others who feel this way as well) to really accept that we are moving in a good direction and the positive feedback we deserve when we have done well. I hope that you can accept the compliment in the action.

[CantExplain]

How wonderful!

[LoneWolfie]

While this is not my main T, I am still trying to absorb the whole thing. I am actually afraid to tell my main t, who is my psychaitrist about the whole thing with the occupational therapist. My fear is that my Pdoc will think my OT is getting to close and losing perspective of the therapist/client boundary.

I wish I could have answered her back but how can I when I self loathe myself so much? Nothing would ever happen as she is very straight and very married. I am a lesbian in a 12 year relationship.

LW

[unaluna]

I thought she was just reacting to YOUR asking for a hug. wasn't she aware of that?

[LoneWolfie]

The ot gets all my writing to my pdoc so everyone in my circle of care is in the loop. I wanted the hug from my pdoc. I got one from my ot.

[TheWell]

The hug doesn't sound like it was as awkward as the "I love you." but when you combine the sort of long hug with the I love you now it's super awkward. That's an uncomfortable situation and it shows the boundries exists for a reason. LW it sounds like you didn't do anything wrong. I feel for you. ((((((LW)))))) <----cyber hug in no way awkward

[LoneWolfie]

Yeah the I love you floored me even if she means it as a friend. Thanks for the cyber hug TheWell, no akwardness at all!*G*

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by TheWell

The hug doesn't sound like it was as awkward as the "I love you." but when you combine the sort of long hug with the I love you now it's super awkward. That's an uncomfortable situation and it shows the boundries exists for a reason. LW it sounds like you didn't do anything wrong. I feel for you. ((((((LW)))))) <----cyber hug in no way awkward

Hi TheWell!

[TheWell]

Hi Cant

[quote=Nothing would ever happen as she is very straight and very married. I am a lesbian in a 12 year relationship.

LW[/quote]

It seems like you might be misunderstanding the intent of her "I love you." The way you described does not seem romantic at all, more on a "I really care about you and will think of you (call you to check in) while I am away" type of love. And to be ok, love does not have to be 2 sided, especially if you are not ready.

Can you try to accept that someone loves you without strings, someone sees that in you?

[unaluna]

yeah, that's what I was trying to say, but I couldn't get the words out. she saw your request, and saw it as a general need, not as specifically only a hug from your pdoc.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Well, I think I can understand how you might have been feeling about both. I read your post and thought, "How nice that her Pdoc was able to reach out and really express how much she cares." Although I cannot interpret exactly what she was thinking/feeling, I do think that she just genuinely loves and cares about you as a person. She sees the real you and likes you for who you are...

[LoneWolfie]

The she is straight and married was just an after thought. I am not interested in the ot in that way.

Yes I think you are right Butterflies, she read what I wished from my Pdoc but might have realized that it wouldn't happened and decided to take that roll on herself.

The hug was more an enough, it is the words even as a friend that I feel uncomfortable with. My care providers are well aware of the fact that I self loathe and hate myself very much. It has even been pointed out that if I can't love myself how can I love someone else, e.i. my wife. So to have an ot saying the very words I have been told I can't feel for someone else because of how I feel about me.

Is just odd I think. There was no way I could ever mutter those words back to her even on a good day.

LW