[lostmyway21]

Okay so me and T go for a walk twice a week. Almost every session we stop in a starbucks or coffeeshop or store. It NEVER fails T always asks I want something after he orders. Sometimes he tries to convince me to get a coffee or something at a small coffee shop that's known for there awesome coffee, because he knows I LOVE coffee. Once I didn't feel like going for a walk because I was depressed, he was like common i'll get you a cookie. It totally made me laugh. But anyway...I always say nope. A year of saying no and he still asks. I know I'm in the small % that even leaves the office with there T. If you do, or let's say you did.. would you let your T buy you something? Or am I just an oddball? I would feel sooo weird saying yes. Once in a while I wonder what he think if I DID change it up and say yes, but I never worked up the courage.

[Asiablue]

I'd feel awkward accepting my T by me something too, but why don't you both take turns at who buys the coffee?? Might feel more equal?

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I'd feel awkward accepting my T by me something too, but why don't you both take turns at who buys the coffee?? Might feel more equal?

I wish I could but I'm broke. I don't pay for sessions my insurance covers 100% and my grandmother keeps my metrocard full so I can go to my sessions. I don't think he would ever let me. He knows I have no money.

[pbutton]

Yeah, I would totally feel weird about it too. I have a thing about paying my own way.

But I'm probably not the best example, I don't know.

[Chopin99]

I would feel very awkward about that. I'd want to buy my own. Then again, my T always asks me if it's okay before she even drinks anything, even though I normally have a bottle of something myself. I've only had one semi-real world experience with her and that was when we walked out of the building to our cars together.

[scorpiosis37]

If I wanted a coffee or a snack, I'd definitely order it, but I'd insist on paying for it myself. Or, if T agreed, we could take turns paying. I might accept T paying for me once, but I wouldn't accept a second time unless T let me pay once, too.

[anilam]

I think it'd be nice if you could accept it- not always but once in a while.
I know I couldn't but that's me and I've been told by my T that not being able to accept a gift just because the person wanted to do stg nice for me (like I'm OK when there's a valid reason behind it like I have a b-day and it's from someone I give presents too) without
A. thinking there has to be some secret reason behind it that I'm not aware of and stressing over it.
B. needing to reciprocate immediately
C. refusing the gift
Is not OK and shows that I don't trust ppl, like to keep the upper hand in every relationship possible and am doubting my self worth.
So yeah I think my T would be thrilled if I were to accept that. Though I can see how not being able to buy him a cookie/coffee could be a problem...

[LoneWolfie]

It's a tough one, I would think that after a year, you could say yes once. My pdoc tends to bring candy into sessions and is pushing for me to take a couple, I always refuse and use the excuse that I am a diabetic which I am. But I am not that strict with myself.lol

One time she brought me in a skewer of all different gummy candy on it, I couldn't refuse it as one was given to my act worker too. I didn't eat it for about 3 months and finally brokedown and ate it.*S*

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by LoneWolfie

It's a tough one, I would think that after a year, you could say yes once. My pdoc tends to bring candy into sessions and is pushing for me to take a couple, I always refuse and use the excuse that I am a diabetic which I am. But I am not that strict with myself.lol

One time she brought me in a skewer of all different gummy candy on it, I couldn't refuse it as one was given to my act worker too. I didn't eat it for about 3 months and finally brokedown and ate it.*S*

I probably would have said yes once in the year if I didn't also have an thing about not eating or drinking in front of him...BUT that's an entirely different subject.

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Okay so me and T go for a walk twice a week. Almost every session we stop in a starbucks or coffeeshop or store. It NEVER fails T always asks I want something after he orders. Sometimes he tries to convince me to get a coffee or something at a small coffee shop that's known for there awesome coffee, because he knows I LOVE coffee. Once I didn't feel like going for a walk because I was depressed, he was like common i'll get you a cookie. It totally made me laugh. But anyway...I always say nope. A year of saying no and he still asks. I know I'm in the small % that even leaves the office with there T. If you do, or let's say you did.. would you let your T buy you something? Or am I just an oddball? I would feel sooo weird saying yes. Once in a while I wonder what he think if I DID change it up and say yes, but I never worked up the courage.

Maybe he feels weird having his coffee/snack alone, and would be grateful if he wasn't slurping all alone. I say let him treat you. If he was worried about the cost he wouldn't ask. Let yourself be pampered sometimes.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I probably would have said yes once in the year if I didn't also have an thing about not eating or drinking in front of him...BUT that's an entirely different subject.

Once I got anxious and poured a good portion of my bottle of water into my lap. It took me a while to bring in water again, lemme tell ya...

I hear ya, I could never eat or drink in front of T! She always asks do I want water and I always refuse incase I slurp or burp, I would be mortified:-(

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I got anxious once and poured a good portion of my bottle of water into my lap. It took me a while to bring in water again, lemme tell ya...

That made me lol...because I'm terrified I'd do something just like that especially with all the challenges of walking around NYC.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by button30

I hear ya, I could never eat or drink in front of T! She always asks do I want water and I always refuse incase I slurp or burp, I would be mortified:-(

Yup add that to the list of reasons not to drink in front of T.

[minneymouse]

T and I sometimes have treats together, but one of us will make the unilateral decision to bring something to the session, so we don't have to go through that awkward thing of offering, refusing etc. I understand about not having any money, but maybe there are creative ways you can contribute now and then? Recently Starbucks in the UK did a 2 for 1 voucher, so I brought drinks for me and T and when she thanked me I said "No worries- yours was free- really!" Or I'll sometimes bring cakes or biscuits for us if I've baked some.

I get it about not wanting to eat or drink in front of T. I think for me it was that there's something so pathetically HUMAN about it, and on some level I was ashamed of being human and didn't want it to be 'seen'. T eating and drinking with me has actually been very levelling and I'm sure it has helped me to talk about all kinds of bodily etc things which I didn't want previous Ts to know about me.

[anilam]

Like your story pbutton.
Once I poured hot coffee into my lap and without thinking unzip my jeans and pushed them to my ankles. Then it dawned on me that I was standing before my T in my panties- thank god I wore grandma panties so they cover everything and some more . Also, he was already fetching me some ice from his fringe so I had time to cover myself with a blanket. However, it scarred me for life- can drink only ice coffee now.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by anilam

Like your story pbutton.
Once I poured hot coffee into my lap and without thinking unzip my jeans and pushed them to my ankles. Then it dawned on me that I was standing before my T in my panties- thank god I wore grandma panties so they cover everything and some more . Also, he was already fetching me some ice from his fringe so I had time to cover myself with a blanket. However, it scarred me for life- can drink only ice coffee now.

HOLY CRAP! Um, you win. My water wasn't even particularly cold. lol

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by anilam

Like your story pbutton.
Once I poured hot coffee into my lap and without thinking unzip my jeans and pushed them to my ankles. Then it dawned on me that I was standing before my T in my panties- thank god I wore grandma panties so they cover everything and some more . Also, he was already fetching me some ice from his fringe so I had time to cover myself with a blanket. However, it scarred me for life- can drink only ice coffee now.

No way! I would die.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by pbutton

HOLY CRAP! Um, you win. My water wasn't even particularly cold. lol

Thank you- Actually this situation, as embarrassing as it was, helped me to start trusting my T. He didn't stare, didn't even sneak a peek, the ONLY thing he was concerned about was that I was hurting. So unlike my experience with men before. So yeah I'm glad I brought hot coffee in.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

No way! I would die.

LMW, I think that if you "fear" to eat/drink before your T you could accept his offer as a way to challenge yourself?
Cause I though about it and it always makes me happy if I can do stg nice for the ppl around me and igets pretty lonely being the only one who eats/drinks. Futhermore, one day I bet you'll be able to buy him a cookie/coffee.

So yes I would- at least try to- say yes, I'll have...Thank you T.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by anilam

LMW, I think that if you "fear" to eat/drink before your T you could accept his offer as a way to challenge yourself?
Cause I though about it and it always makes me happy if I can do stg nice for the ppl around me and igets pretty lonely being the only one who eats/drinks. Futhermore, one day I bet you'll be able to buy him a cookie/coffee.

So yes I would- at least try to- say yes, I'll have...Thank you T.

In all honesty I think I would panic if I said yes. I have no idea why. I don't even know if this is something I should bring up. It's so odd. I don't know if it's a T/client quirk or a character flaw.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

In all honesty I think I would panic if I said yes. I have no idea why. I don't even know if this is something I should bring up. It's so odd. I don't know if it's a T/client quirk or a character flaw.

If it's bothering you I think you should discuss it in session- that's how I roll.
Or your T could stop buying his coffee/snacks. It's your session after all not his lunch hour

[autotelica]

I've eaten with my therapist a number of times. You know what? It's kind of comforting. Like, for those few seconds we're just "regular" people doing something that everyone does. When I am flat, she'll pull out a piece of fruit and split it with me so we can do a "tasting" exercise. Once, when I had zero appetite and no food at home, she dragged me to the office kitchen and gave me a couple of Lean Cuisines and some homemade soup that was very yummy.

I guess I don't have a problem taking stuff from my therapist!

But those memories will always be with me. And there's nothing saying you can't pay him back in another form or fashion. If you can't afford to buy him coffee, the next time you make cookies or cake or something, wrap him up a piece. At Christmas time, give him a candy cane. It doesn't have to be a 1:1 reciprocation in terms of expense. Just something to make you feel like everything's "even".

The next time he asks if you want a coffee, say something like, "I'd love to but I left my wallet at home." This will give him the opportunity to say, "Oh, no problem. It's on me."

It's a stretch. But therapy is about stretching.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by anilam

If it's bothering you I think you should discuss it in session- that's how I roll.
Or your T could stop buying his coffee/snacks. It's your session after all not his lunch hour

Na don't get me wrong I love running errands and going to stores with him. It's been the most healing part of my therapy. Getting the safe parental figure I didn't as a kid. I just never understood why I could never bring myself to accept anything from him, and was wondering if anyone would feel the same.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

Na don't get me wrong I love running errands and going to stores with him. It's been the most healing part of my therapy. Getting the safe parental figure I didn't as a kid. I just never understood why I could never bring myself to accept anything from him, and was wondering if anyone would feel the same.

More reason to discuss it with him. If you feel so strongly towards him, why can't you feel safe enough to accept it. I think if I saw my T as a safe parental figure I'd ask for everything my heart desired. But then again I was blessed to have loving parents- no need to see my T as one.