What am I "allowed" to ask T?

Be prepared that some will ask more questions rather than give answers and do the therapy tap-dance

I wonder why this is important to you?
Did you know lots of clients have questions?
You've been thinking about this question a lot?
You really are interested in xyz?

my t self-discloses every now & then, when it relates to whatever we're talking about. i haven't really asked her any questions about herself. I guess that's one good thing about the setup she has there, as in no receptionist - I schedule appointments through her, pay her each week directly, etc. so it's pretty much in my face all the time that she's my t, not my friend, and i'm paying her for a service so I can let the sessions be all about me. (which at first was hard, i wanted to talk about anything else but me, LOL but over the months I've gotten pretty darn good at it, letting that 50 minutes every week be all about me! it's become lovely! not selfish like I at first thought it was.) sorry if i got off track there.

Yes, this is the danger!

I'm sorry to hear your T reacted in that way.

My therapist has never "slapped" me over a question.

I guess it depends how she says it and how you take it.

If she says: "I have already told you my private life is off limits", I guess that might be a slap.
If she says: "This is about you, not about me", I could take that as a slap.

((SAWE))

SAWE: I am also very sorry that your T acted the way you describe. That sounds very hurtful.

Sometimes I ask my T a question and then will quickly say "is that okay to ask?" I get embarrassed when I ask her personal questions though I wish I could know more about her. I liked when I asked her favorite songs, colors, movies, food, and things like that. She didn't mind those kinds of questions, or when I asked what makes her angry, sad,or happy. She answers questions about her kids but I think asking too much about her husband is off limits. Writing this is getting kind of triggering for me so I'd better stop.

My T throws personal info in here and there. She knows im not interested but she uses them as an example "This happened, then I felt this, then I felt that, then I thought this, then I behaved like this" etc. She sure is an overthinker in her private life! But yeah maybe just say "I have a question.. ofcourse you dont have to answer it and thats fine but curiosity is KILLING me so I have to at least ask!" and put it in a light hearted way. If she doesn't want to answer, its not because of YOU, its just the rules. Don't take it personally! Its just the rules of the game, so to speak.